TV Sucks

   Don't get offended by this article's catchy title. I don't hate TV. I'm aware that there are several quality shows that you DVR every week and that TV has grown by leaps and bounds thanks to HBO's groundbreaking original programming yada yada yada. I'm intentionally borrowing that "Seinfeld" phrase to prove that I DO have some leftover affection for the medium. This is, however a movie blog, and I'm always a little perturbed when I have to listen to a friend or family member's weak attempts to convince me of the superiority of television. Sorry, but it's NOT EVEN CLOSE. The person in question will usually cite a few lousy recent movies or excessive superhero franchising to support their argument, ignoring the dozens of good films past and present that they never even bothered to seek out. Well, here's my rebuttal- the best actors and directors will always be found in film, and that's a fact. Check out a list of the 100 greatest actors of all time and then tell me how many of them are TV actors. Actually, don't bother, I have the answer. NONE. The star of "the greatest TV show all time" is a midlevel movie guy(R.I.P. James Gandolfini). Brando, Nicholson, De Niro, Pacino, Hoffman(Dustin AND Philip S.), Hackman, Hanks, Day-Lewis- all too talented to be confined to the same character for 7-10 years. Mathew McConaughey had a cup of coffee on "True Detective". TV doesn't have a Spielberg or a Scorsese and it never will. I don't have to watch "Game of Thrones", because I watched "Braveheart" and it's better. "Bates Motel"? I'll pass, I saw "Psycho". Did you? I don't even have to drag "The Godfather" or "Goodfellas" into this because "Casino" beats "The Sopranos".  Here's something I've heard from TV lovers more than once- "Just wait till the third season, than it gets GOOD". So, I'm supposed to watch 40 hours of this until it gets good? Umm...no. It's either good right away, or it's NOT THAT good!

   Why would you devote yourself to a lengthy TV series(or two) if you haven't seen the 300 greatest movies of all time? Do you even know what they are? How valid is your opinion on scripted entertainment if you've never sat down before "Chinatown", "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest", "Taxi Driver" or "Apocalypse Now"? Are you REALLY in any position to judge great acting if you've haven't seen "Raging Bull" or "Sophie's Choice"? I'll bet you never even thought about watching "Reds", "The Right Stuff" or "Once Upon A Time In America". Saying that TV is better than film is like saying college basketball is better than the NBA or there's a minor league baseball team better than the Yankees or there's an amateur boxer better than Floyd Mayweather. You get the idea. There's a reason Johnny Depp couldn't wait to leave "21 Jump Street". There's a reason that Jennifer Aniston is the only one of our "Friends" that stuck around(mostly the tabloids). Have you seen any of the cast members of "Beverly Hills 90210" or "Melrose Place" lately? Me neither.

   There's something slightly feminine about television. People act like they have a relationship with their favorite show. They watch it no matter what. Fuck that. A movie can give you a full experience in two hours and change and then lets you go back to your life. Movies can go places that TV shows simply can't, and that's pretty much anywhere. I'm taking aim at TV dramas here because sitcoms are a much shorter time commitment, but there's only so many hours of the day/week that most of us get to spend sitting in front of a screen. Unless you're some sports-obsessed nut(that's a whole other article), why wouldn't you spend it watching THE BEST form of scripted entertainment available? Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but it's not "Desperate Housewives" or "Sons of Anarchy" or "American Horror Story" or "The Walking Dead" or whatever the next fad show is. It's a movie you've probably never heard of, made by people that were too good for TV. You can watch 456 episodes of "Law & Order", or you can watch "The Verdict" with Paul Newman and be done with it. I'm not shitting on "CSI", but admit it- you never saw "Serpico". The choice is yours.