A Critical Reevaluation- Batman & Robin

   Twenty years ago today, "the worst movie of all time" assaulted our senses and left millions of Bat fans stumbling out of theaters in a state of shock, sadness and confusion. We searched for answers, as Hollywood subsequently closed the book on it's most lucrative cinematic property. But unlike most bad movies that are quickly forgotten, it's foul reputation would only grow in the years that followed, until even your grandmother knew that nipples have no place on a superhero outfit. If you really think that "B&R" is the worst movie ever, you've led a very sheltered life, because that's not even close to being true. The fate of this franchise was definitely a disappointment to everyone that had invested in Tim Burton's singular vision in 1989, which was just about everyone on the planet at that time(although, some revisionists will have you believe that we had to wait for Nolan to get it 'right').

Even casual observers know the story- Warner Bros. hired Joel Schumacher in 1993 to appease parents, toymakers, and Happy Meal peddlers with a more kid-friendly Caped Crusader because of that black shit coming out of the Penguin's mouth. He delivered "Batman Forever" in June '95, and the public loved it(believe me, I was there). Things would change drastically two summers later. The moment George Clooney pulled a credit card out of his utility belt, Batman wasn't cool anymore. The film wasn't a box office disaster, but it was the lowest-grossing Batman movie by far, as jilted audiences retreated to the safety of "Men in Black". The rise of the internet gave a voice to the voiceless, and the previously respected Schumacher became a hated figure even though he was only doing what he was told. Time heals all wounds, and I'm here to do something that no film fan has ever even thought about- offer an intelligent defense of one of the most-maligned features in film history.

Arnie's Mr. Freeze is a glowing beast.

   "Supergirl". "Howard the Duck". "Superman IV". "Tank Girl". "Barb Wire". "Steel". "Daredevil". "The Punisher". "Catwoman". "Blade: Trinity". "Electra". "Fantastic Four". "The Spirit". "Green Lantern". "Suicide Squad". All comic book movies, ALL worse than "B&R". "The Pest". "Beverly Hills Ninja". "Vegas Vacation". "Addicted to Love". "The Fifth Element". "Speed 2: Cruise Control". "Spawn". "Double Team". "Fire Down Below". "The Jackal". "The Man Who Knew Too Little". "Alien: Resurrection". "Home Alone 3". "Spice World". All 1997 movies, ALL worse than "B&R". How can it be the worst movie of all time when it's not even the worst movie in it's own year/genre? Heck, there are hundreds of good movies that get talked about less than "B&R". So, a movie that's been reviled since the day it was released has provided more entertainment(intentional or not, it really doesn't matter) than countless films that are technically superior. Chew on that for awhile.

   "B&R" is a visual feast, and nobody can honestly say otherwise. Calling it one of the worst movies of all time(as Wikipedia does) is blatantly ignoring the hard work of the costume and make-up departments. Bob Ringwood shouldn't be punished for screenwriting deficiencies. The FX were overseen by John Dykstra. For any laymen out there, he's responsible for many of the groundbreaking effects in the original "Star Wars". Is he a bad guy, too? Film is a collaborative art form, and the vast majority of the cast and crew did exactly what they were supposed to. This movie cost $125 million, and Joel put every penny up on screen. The same can't be said for contemporaries such as "Waterworld" and "Wild Wild West".

   Uma Thurman is absolutely insane in this. Her performance is a camp classic that I couldn't take my eyes off of. Heath Ledger has got nothing on this red-headed botanical bitch's scenery chewing. I'm not immune to her charms. What do you want, a realistic version of Poison Ivy? There's just no getting around the inherent silliness of some of these characters. Maybe you shouldn't even try. I'll take Pamela Isley over Margot Robbie's overhyped Harley Quinn. There I said it. Don't fool with Mother Nature.



   I'm not saying that "B&R" is great. It's far from that, but it's NOT horrible, it's actually the perfect introduction to the world of Gotham City for children under the age of ten. That's a huge demographic the last time I checked. Why can't it be respected on that level? Chris Nolan made three 'serious' Batman movies for adult males to jerk off to, so let the kids enjoy Clooney and company. The whole idea of one particular group of people claiming ownership over Batman is absurd anyway. The character doesn't belong to anybody. There's dozens of different versions and interpretations on page and screen spanning over seventy-five years, which means everyone in the world has THEIR Batman. Embrace the glorious mess that is "B&R" for no other reason than to honor the legacy of the late Adam West, because if Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy are garbage, than so is the '60s TV show and nobody would dare say that. "B&R" is the reason that "X-Men" and "Spider-Man" were done properly. It's legacy is ultimately a positive one. Turn that frown upside down the next you hear one of those ice-related puns, and remember there's no such thing as a bad Batman movie. Some are just better than others.