TV Still Sucks

   I know what you're thinking- How dare YOU? I just watched every episode of(fill in the name of the latest fad TV show) and it was great. Congratulations, I wouldn't be bragging about it, though. I hate TV, and every binge-watching bozo out there drove me to it. They've forced me to rally against an inferior medium that they insist is on the same level as the great films, even though they've never seen any of them. I don't have to watch every episode of your new favorite TV show to know that it sucks because, well, IT'S A TV SHOW and I have movies to watch and a limited amount of leisure time every day. Do you know why Kevin Spacey and Jane Fonda are headlining shows on Netflix? Because they couldn't cut it in movies anymore(with all due respect). Ask the average person to name the greatest TV shows of all time and you'll get some familiar answers- "The Sopranos". "Breaking Bad". "Game of Thrones". "Seinfeld". "Friends". "Frasier". "Cheers". "The Golden Girls". "The Mary Tyler Moore Show". "All in the Family". "I Love Lucy"(depending on the age of the person). If you ask a movie buff to name the greatest movies of all time, you'd better have a notebook handy and three hours to spare to jot down a mind-blowing array of varied titles from the last seventy-five years, half of which you will have never seen or heard of. Seeking out great films is hard work. It requires research. TV lovers take the easy way out.

   "Rocky". "Star Wars". "Alien". "Raiders of the Lost Ark". "Back to the Future". "Die Hard". "Pulp Fiction". All cinematic landmarks, all currently unavailable on Netflix. That is completely unacceptable. I guess they have to make room for their large library of original content. This borders on propaganda. Kimmy Schmidt can blow me. So can Adam Sandler. Netflix subscribers have been funding his 'comedies' since 2014. The star of "The Ridiculous 6" will never see a dime of my hard-earned dough. Netflix is primarily in the TV business though, and TV is disposable. For the most part, it doesn't last or linger in the memory. In five years, you'll forget all about those Orange prison bitches just like you forgot about "Prison Break". Television is a prison for your mind, if you ask me. Walter White was cool, but I can't see him sticking around as long as Vito Corleone. J.R. Ewing was a household name once, too. It's time to get real about TV and what it is- a comfort zone for people that don't want to think too hard. It's something to talk about at that giant watercooler called social media. The world is full of sheep. Ask yourself, honestly- are you one of them?

   The bottom line is that movies rule the land of scripted entertainment, and anyone that thinks otherwise probably has a "Sex and the City" boxed set tucked away somewhere. That show spawned two movies, illustrating the fact that EVERY show, no matter how popular, wishes it were a movie. You can go and ask "The X-Files" about that. There's no such thing as a movie that would have worked better as a TV show(I'm good with the film version of "Fargo"). Just like there's no such thing as a TV actor that doesn't wish he/she was in movies. "King Arthur" will go down as one of the biggest box office bombs of 2017. It stars Charlie Hunnam of "Sons of Anarchy" fame. That says it all. You're either Tom Hanks or Peter Scolari. Once in a while, I will check and see what George Costanza is up to and grab a drink at that Boston bar where everybody knows my name. I have spent 22 minutes staring at Jennifer Aniston's hair. But most of these other shows are a waste of my god-damn time. I've seen as many good movies as any film school scholar, and I STILL haven't seen them all. That means you have no chance of catching up. Now cancel that Netflix subscription because it's a waste of fifteen dollars a month. Tell your wife or girlfriend that her TV fixations won't take away those fifteen extra pounds she's carrying around. You might not get laid that day, but you'll be better off in the end, because if you're letting TV take precedence over movies, you ARE the Walking Dead.