It has to be considered a small victory that the man pictured above failed to top the U.S. box office last weekend(thanks, M. Night Shyamalan). Is the public finally putting it's foot down? I can't imagine a semi-literate person over the age of twelve being entertained by "The Return of Xander Cage". This is an ugly attempt to turn "XXX" into a "Fast"-style franchise, and we can't let it go down. Don't let all those hip-hop songs and hot girls distract you from the truth that your time and money is being wasted. "The Fate of the Furious" comes out in April and the trailer is currently posing the question- is Dom Terretto a bad guy? I don't know, but Vin Diesel has been a bad guy for his entire career. His marble mouth and porn star name has been polluting cinema for over fifteen years now. Spielberg didn't know what he started when he gave this bald bozo a break in "Saving Private Ryan". The putrid "Pitch Black" was semi-popular, and the rest is history. He may be Groot, he's also quite possibly the worst actor to ever achieve major stardom in Hollywood. When I think of actors that suck, Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme spring to mind. But even a broken clock is right twice a day, and "Under Siege" and "Timecop" are both better than any movie with Vin's name above the title. Diesel makes Stallone look like De Niro(the 1973-1995 version). Keanu Reeves? Back off, he made "Point Break", "Speed" and "The Matrix". The first film I just named provided the basis for the whole "F&F" phenomenon that is directly to blame for his regrettable rise. 9/11 wasn't the only tragedy to take place in 2001. I can't wait for cars to drive themselves. Then maybe this clown will be removed from the driver's seat.
I AM exaggerating for comedic effect when I say that I hope Diesel suffers the same fate as his buddy Paul Walker. However, I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that he does actual harm to society. How many times have you exceeded the speed limit to mimic this meathead? Even if you haven't, I guarantee that someone you know has. Great movies are scarcely seen, while Diesel's bank account swells to $185 million. This guy is a drug pusher. Nobody should profit from pain. Make no mistake, Vin's vacuous output causes it. Parents and teachers can't counter the aura of a cool celebrity. Kids flock like flies to shit whenever someone 'cool' comes on the scene. Diesel isn't cool, though. He's a 49 year old with fake tattoos. He isn't even the most jacked guy in his own franchise("ROCKY, ROCKY"). I'm wondering why people are shocked that Donald Trump is the President. We live in a world where the seventh installment of "Fast and the Furious" made well over $1 billion. That money should go straight to the government. It should go to the homeless. People are eating dirt in third world countries while Vin Diesel is buying cars and shopping for a private jet.
Vin still thinks that Riddick is a sci-fi icon as evidenced by his online rallying for a fourth film. We have to set him straight on that. Diesel has never been a draw outside of the wildly inflated film series' that have inexplicably launched him onto the A-list. If there was a God, he'd be fixing my breaks. The collective intelligence of early 21st Century youth has been compromised because we failed to put the breaks on this beady-eyed asshole. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a pretentious prick that only watches art-house movies. I've seen every "Lethal Weapon", "Die Hard" and "Rambo". I don't object to good old-fashioned escapism. But those movies are decades-old and featured legitimate talents. They were serious enough to keep me from feeling like a complete moron. No so with Mr. Diesel. Schwarzenegger put a gym on every street corner in America. Bruce Lee brought martial arts into the mainstream. What's Vin's legacy? An untold number of car wrecks and missing brain cells. Hold onto yours and think twice about funding this fraud.
No comments:
Post a Comment