It's the first week of September and the summer is unofficially over. Thank God. Don't get me wrong, I love warm weather and barbecues and the beach(well, maybe not the beach) and everything that the summer represents. Summer means fun. Unless you like going to the movies. If you're a regular filmgoer with a working brain, a trip to the theater has gradually become a less than pleasurable experience between the first week of May and the last week of August. Admit it. You made that long walk back to your car, staring at the ground, wondering how Michael Bay raped your wallet AGAIN. I'll resist the urge to turn this into a Bay-bashing blog, even though his fourth "Transformers" raked in over $1 billion worldwide and he's already announced a sequel to "TMNT". That would be too easy and there are plenty of other culprits. Maybe you shelled out to take a date to one of this summer's "comedies". If that's the case, I hope you at least got laid. When the fifth "Spider-Man" and the sixth "X-Men" are the most appealing options at the ticket counter, there's something seriously wrong. I know what you're thinking- "Planet of the Apes" was pretty good, and so was "22 Jump Street". Big f'n deal. I remember a time when you raced to the multiplex because you just HAD to see that great film that your family and friends were talking about or else you would be excluded from the conversation. Now you drag yourself there because you know deep down that you've seen everything, but you still have to find material for your blog.
Let's talk about the Fourth of July weekend. Some earth-shattering cinematic events have taken place on or around the date that America celebrates it's independence. There are obvious examples like "Independence Day", one of the highest grossing films of the '90s. You may not know that "Terminator 2" and "Forrest Gump" both came out on the 4th. So did "Back to the Future". So, what did 2014 bring us? Drumroll, please. The answer is pictured directly above. "Tammy". That's right. Are you freaking kidding me?!?! TAMMY?!?!?!?! There's no need to even go any further. I've proven my point. July's box office average was down 30% this year. That's cause for concern. In twenty years, we've gone from a Tom Hanks Oscar winner to Melissa McCarthy sticking up a fast food restaurant. It's fitting in a way. Many movies today are the equivalent of fast food. The best reviewed film of the year so far is Richard Linklater's "Boyhood". It's got a 99% approval rating on RT, but only got a limited release this summer while dopey action vehicles like "Hercules" and "Lucy" were playing everywhere. Am I the only one bothered by this gross lack of diversity? Is there some sort of conspiracy in place, trying to lower our intelligence?
Here are the cold, hard facts. For the first time since 2001, not one movie this summer passed the $300 million mark in the U.S. "Guardians of the Galaxy" was a late summer smash that will probably get there. Stallone's luck ran out with "The Expendables III" and the belated "Sin City" sequel totally bombed. There's ample proof that this was the most depressing summer movie season since 1975(give yourself a pat on the back if you knew that's the year "Jaws" came out). Spielberg recently made a gloomy prediction about the industry based on a glut of uninspired, under-performing would-be blockbusters. Jeffrey Katzenberg moaned that the movie biz is stagnant, and we won't see any real change for the remainder of the decade. The superhero genre will continue it's stranglehold over the marketplace in the coming years, with Marvel and DC engaged in a fight to the death. The slate for 2015-16 won't contain many surprises. Original creations like "Ghostbusters' and "Gremlins", which both topped the charts in 1984, aren't likely to appear. We'll see more huge opening weekends followed by a 60% drop off in the second week. Nothing will linger in the memory for too long, because each film is indistinguishable from the last. Cities will get destroyed, there will be a lot of cheap laughs, and the DVD will be on shelves in three months. That's how long "E.T." was number one at the box office, and it wasn't based on a comic book or a young adult novel. The thought of that happening now is funnier than anything that happened in "Sex Tape" and more far-fetched than "Let's Be Cops". Next year I'm going to the beach.
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