Nicolas Cage Can Go to Hell

     I'm pleased to report that Nicolas Cage's latest film "Stolen" did not get a theatrical release in the United States. With a title and plot eerily similar to Liam Neeson's hit thriller "Taken", the public was spared another round of torture from the troubled star who seemingly parted ways with respectability about a decade ago("World Trade Center" is a noble exception). This is a small victory and we can only hope that's it's a sign of things to come and that the career of Francis Ford Coppola's nephew is mercifully coming to an end. I shouldn't have to inform anybody of how far this guy has fallen. It got to the point where I just started disregarding everything that he does. If Nicolas Cage's name is above the title, it can't possibly be any good, right? That "Bad Lieutenant" remake might have worked if he still knew how to act. I remember thinking that the two "National Treasure" movies were pretty decent, but I couldn't tell you a thing that happened in either one. I held off on giving Cage the blog beating that he so richly deserves for a couple of reasons and that's a) I don't think anyone cares about him and b) I don't like to kick a man when he's down. I'm doing it anyway, though because I REALLY don't want him to get up again.


     Once considered a quirky and cool actor, Cage was the hip alternative to the conventional leading man, capable of alternating between light comedies and dark dramas like "Raising Arizona" and "Wild At Heart". After reaching his artistic peak with a Best Actor Oscar win for "Leaving Las Vegas" in 1995, he set out to reinvent himself as an action star. Audiences had no idea when they plucked down seven bucks for "The Rock", "Con Air", and "Face Off" to see Cage kick ass that it would one day lead to a movie called "Kick Ass". Cage must have been really upset when he didn't get to play Superman in the '90s because he's been trying to make up for it ever since. He even named his son Kal-El. His bad judgment clearly isn't limited to movies. Earlier this year, he made good on his threat to produce a sequel to "Ghost Rider". In between those two ghastly outings, he inflicted more pain in "Bangkok Dangerous", Knowing", The Sorcerer's Apprentice", "Season of the Witch" and "Drive Angry". Cage's movies in the last five years were all about as eagerly awaited as a colonoscopy and were just as pleasant. Has any actor EVER made it more obvious that he's only working for the money? Was a blind man signing his checks?? It's been widely reported that Cage is in serious debt. He owes $6 million to the IRS. During his heyday, he purchased fifty cars, fifteen mansions, four yachts, and a private jet. He bought a dinosaur skull for $275,000. Moviegoers shouldn't have to pay the price for his idiotic indulgences.

    You root for most fading actors to climb out of movie hell and stage a comeback. It's not impossible. Mickey Rourke did it, but I don't see anything like "The Wrestler" coming out of Cage, and it would take nothing less to get back in our good graces. He callously squandered our trust, brought all his financial misfortunes on himself and became a total clown in the process. The guy used to compete with Sean Penn in the acting stakes. Now he's somewhere below Ryan Reynolds and only slightly ahead of Steven Seagal. He's only relevant as a punchline. Saying that you're a fan of Nicolas Cage in 2012 is like saying that you like the smell of dog shit. Nobody likes dog shit and nobody likes Nick Cage anymore. If he ever makes "National Treasure 3" though, I've got a story line that might work. A despondent Cage can travel around in search of his missing fortune. He can look for clues in his recently foreclosed upon homes and find his expensive Elvis memorabilia, his classic comic book collection and his dinosaur skull. I'd shell out seven bucks to see that.

Franchise Review- The Dark Knight

   With "The Dark Knight Rises" wrapping up it's theatrical run to the tune of nearly $450 million domestically and $1 billion worldwide, it's safe to say that Chris Nolan and company knocked it out of the park once again. You don't see too many blockbusters that break the bank AND earn the respect of critics. That used to happen a couple of decades ago, but now it seems like it's one or the other. Like his celebrated peers Steven Spielberg and James Cameron, Nolan found a way to pull it off more than once. "The Avengers" made more money this summer, but even the powers that be at Marvel have no illusions when it comes to quality comparisons. Nolan made comic book movies that delivered the thrills while providing intellectual nourishment and relevant real world themes. All the lofty praise is well deserved. Let's recap the greatest superhero film series of all time.

"Batman Begins"(2005)
Bat fans were cautiously optimistic when the director of the acclaimed thrillers "Memento" and "Insomnia" was hired to resurrect the Caped Crusader on the big screen. It sounded promising, but Joel Schumacher was a respectable filmmaker once too and the memories of the nippled nightmares he served up in the mid-to-late '90s were still fresh. We needn't have worried, though. This serious and grounded origin story focused on a young, emotionally scarred Bruce Wayne's journey toward fulfilling his destiny as the crime fighting legend. Christian Bale proved to be the most committed actor to don the cape and cowl and he couldn't have been surrounded by a classier ensemble. Michael Caine's Alfred, Gary Oldman's Jim Gordon, and Morgan Freeman's Lucius Fox are a rock solid support system.

   Nolan doesn't slack in the villain category either with Liam Neeson as Wayne's shadowy mentor turned nemesis Ras A Ghul and Cillian Murphy's creepy Scarecrow/Dr. Jonathan Crane. "Begins" isn't perfect- Katie Holmes is merely adequate as Bruce's longtime love Rachel Dawes and the chaotic, action-heavy climax isn't quite consistent with the restrained first half of the film. The masses were more than willing to overlook these flaws to have Gotham's savior back where he belongs, but little did we know that Nolan was just getting started.

"The Dark Knight"(2008)
"Empire Strikes Back", "Aliens", "Terminator 2: Judgment Day". All sequels that unquestionably topped their predecessors and Nolan's phenomenal follow-up to "Batman Begins" joined this elite group almost immediately. What more needs to be said about the late Heath Ledger's towering portrayal of the Clown Prince of Crime? It's one of those performances that becomes permanently ingrained in the public consciousness like Brando's Vito Corleone and Pacino's Tony Montana. The Best Supporting Actor Oscar seems insufficient. You almost feel a little sorry for the rest of the cast because they never had a chance of making a huge impression, but Maggie Gyllenhaal is a better actress than Katie Holmes and Aaron Eckhardt gives us a proper rendition of Gotham City's tragic DA Harvey 'Two Face' Dent.

   Bale's Batman has no limits and Nolan refused to stay within the normal limits of a comic book movie when he made an epic tale of crime and corruption with real drama and an unexpected level of darkness. The film took in a staggering $533 million at the summer '08 box office and it's been rumored that the Academy Awards made the decision to expand the field of Best Picture nominees to ten based on the mini-outrage sparked by TDK not being nominated. Could Nolan possibly match this extraordinary achievement? Would he even bother to try?

"The Dark Knight Rises"(2012)
We now know that the answer to both those questions is a resounding yes. It's extremely rare for a franchise to get bigger and better with each installment, but I'll be damned if it didn't happen here. Bale gives his best performance yet in the role as a battered Bruce Wayne is forced to awake from his eight year self-imposed exile to respond to Gotham's latest and perhaps greatest threat, the hulking terrorist brute Bane(Tom Hardy). Nolan wisely jumped straight to the only villain in the Batman rogues gallery capable of besting the Caped Crusader physically and Hardy's imposing and uniquely intimidating presence insures that we don't miss the Joker too much. Anne Hathaway doesn't erase Michelle Pfeiffer, but she's effective as Bruce's sultry and conflicted soul mate Selina 'Catwoman' Kyle. Joseph Gordon Levitt and Marion Cottilard round out the nice new additions while series stalwarts Caine, Oldman, and Freeman all happily returned to take their final bow.

   The action never lets up for the majority of the 2 hour and 35 minute running time and Nolan crafts a wholly satisfying conclusion to his Bat saga while simultaneously hinting at a new beginning. God help the cast and crew that gets handed the inevitable reboot.

The 70 Biggest Hits of the '70s

   I've put together a list of the seventy biggest moneymakers of the 1970s. Some of these figures weren't easy to find because box office results weren't widely reported back then. Now, they're like sports statistics, and that all started with the release of George Lucas' earth-shattering, game-changing pop culture juggernaut set a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. The summer blockbuster was officially born and the movie business was never the same. Oh, and Steven Spielberg's shark tale also had a little something to do with it. Hollywood starts to resemble a dictatorship when you look at the top earners for the next thirty years, with these two titans continuing to rule the roost. Many feel the '70s was one of the greatest decades in film. There are a total of nine Best Picture winners on this list. It's safe to say that will never happen again.


1. "Star Wars"(1977)............................................$322 million
2. "Jaws"(1975)....................................................$260 million
3. "Close Encounters of the Third Kind"(1977).......................$166 million
4. "The Exorcist"(1973).......................................$165 million
5. "The Sting"(1973)............................................$159 million
6. "Grease"(1978)................................................$153 million
7. "National Lampoon's Animal House"(1978)........................$141 million
8. "Superman"(1978)..........................................$134 million
9. "The Godfather"(1972)....................................$133 million
10. "Smokey and the Bandit"(1977)....................$126 million
11. "Blazing Saddles"(1974)..............................$119 million
12. "Rocky"(1976)..............................................$117 million
13. "The Towering Inferno"(1974).....................$116 million
14. "American Graffiti"(1973)............................$115 million
15. "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"(1975)..................$113 million
16. "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"(1975)......................$112 million
17. "Love Story"(1970).....................................$106 million
18. "Kramer vs. Kramer"(1979).........................$106 million
19. "Every Which Way But Loose"(1978)........$106 million
20. "Jaws 2"(1978)..........................................$103 million
21. "Airport"(1970)...........................................$100 million
22. "Saturday Night Fever"(1977)....................$100 million
23. "Heaven Can Wait"(1978)............................$98 million
24. "The Poseidon Adventure"(1972)...............$93 million
25. "The Amityville Horror"(1979).....................$86 million
26. "Young Frankenstein"(1974)........................$86 million
27. "To Fly!"(1976).............................................$86 million
28. "Rocky II"(1979)...........................................$85 million
29. "The Goodbye Girl"(1977)...........................$83 million
30. "Star Trek: The Motion Picture"(1979).........$82 million
31. "Alien"(1979).................................................$81 million
32. "MASH"(1970)................................................$81 million
33. "Fiddler on the Roof"(1971)........................$80 million
34. "A Star Is Born"(1976)..................................$80 million
35. "Earthquake"(1974)......................................$79 million
36. "Apocalypse Now"(1979)..............................$78 million
37. "Hooper"(1978)............................................$78 million
38. "The Muppet Movie"(1979)...........................$76 million
39. "10"(1979)....................................................$74 million
40. "The Jerk"(1979).........................................$73 million
41. "The Rescuers"(1977).................................$71 million
42. "Moonraker"(1979)......................................$70 million
43. "All the President's Men"(1976).................$70 million
44. What's Up, Doc?"(1972).............................$66 million
45. "The Electric Horseman"(1979)..................$61 million
46. "Patton"(1970)..............................................$61 million
47. "The Omen"(1976).......................................$60 million
48. "The Godfather Part II"(1974)......................$57 million
49. "In Search of Noah's Ark"(1976)..................$55 million
50. "The Aristocats"(1970).................................$55 million
51. "Dawn of the Dead"(1978)..........................$55 million
52. "Papillon"(1973)..........................................$53 million
53. "King Kong"(1976)......................................$52 million
54. "The China Syndrome"(1979)....................$51 million
55. "The French Connection"(1971)................$51 million
56. "A Bridge Too Far"(1977)..........................$50 million
57. "Dog Day Afternoon"(1975).......................$50 million
58. "Revenge of the Pink Panther"(1978).......$49 million
59. "Shampoo"(1975)........................................$49 million
60. "The Deer Hunter"(1978)..........................$49 million
61. "The Deep"(1977).......................................$47 million
62. "The Spy Who Loved Me"(1977)..............$47 million
63. "Halloween"(1978).....................................$47 million
64. "The Enforcer"(1976)................................$46 million
65. "Deliverance"(1972)..................................$46 million
66. "The Way We Were"(1973)......................$45 million
67. "Foul Play"(1978)......................................$45 million
68. "The End"(1978).......................................$45 million
69. "Up In Smoke"(1978).................................$44 million
70. "Love at First Bite"(1979).........................$44 million

*2,104 films were released in the 1970s. But who's counting?

The 80 Biggest Hits of the '80s

   Here's the list of the eighty biggest moneymakers of the 1980s. I like to break everything down by decade, it's easier and more fun than getting bogged down trying to adjust everything for inflation. I'm happy to provide all this useless information for you to dazzle friends and family with. The friendliest alien ever, "E.T." went unchallenged for the number one spot and raked in a mind-blowing $399 million(keep in mind, this happened IN 1982). Steven Spielberg cemented his status as a legendary hit-maker with four films in the top ten, turning Harrison Ford into the Eighties' premier leading man in the process. Elsewhere, George Lucas wrapped up his original "Star Wars" trilogy to massive box office returns, Michael Keaton made quite a splash as the original Caped Crusader, and brash SNL alum Eddie Murphy laughed all the way to the bank and we were all laughing right along with him. Yeah, things sure have changed. So which generation had the best movie-going experiences? I don't know about you, but I wish I could take a spin in Doc Brown's Delorean and revisit this glorious time.


1. "E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial"(1982)...........................$399 million
2. "Return of the Jedi"(1983).........................................$263 million
3. "Batman"(1989).........................................................$251 million
4. "Raiders of the Lost Ark"(1981)...............................$242 million
5. "Beverly Hills Cop"(1984).........................................$234 million
6. "The Empire Strikes Back"(1980).....................................$222 million
7. "Ghostbusters"(1984).................................................$221 million
8. "Back to the Future"(1985).........................................$210 million
9. "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade"(1989).............$197 million
10. "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom"(1984)....................$179 million
11. "Tootsie"(1982)........................................................$177 million
12. "Top Gun"(1986).....................................................$176 million
13. "Crocodile Dundee"(1986)....................................$174 million
14. "Rain Man"(1988)...................................................$172 million
15. "Three Men and a Baby"(1987)..............................$167 million
16. "Fatal Attraction"(1987).........................................$156 million
17. "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"(1988).....................$154 million
18. "Beverly Hills Cop II"(1987)...................................$153 million
19. "Rambo: First Blood Part II"(1985).......................$150 million
20. "Gremlins"(1984)....................................................$148 million
21. "Lethal Weapon 2"(1989).......................................$147 million
22. "Look Who's Talking"(1989).................................$140 million
23. "Platoon"(1986)......................................................$138 million
24. "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids"(1989).........................$130 million
25. "An Officer and a Gentleman"(1982)....................$129 million
26. "Coming to America"(1988)..................................$128 million
27. "Rocky IV"(1985)..................................................$128 million
28. "Good Morning, Vietnam"(1987).........................$124 million
29. "Rocky III"(1982)...................................................$123 million
30. "On Golden Pond"(1981).....................................$119 million
31. "Back to the Future Part II"(1989).......................$118 million
32. "The Karate Kid Part II"(1986)............................$115 million
33. "Big"(1988)..........................................................$113 million
34. "Ghostbusters II"(1989)......................................$112 million
35. "Twins"(1988).....................................................$111 million
36. "The Little Mermaid"(1989)...............................$110 million
37. "Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home"(1986)...........$109 million
38. "Crocodile Dundee II"(1988).............................$109 million
39. "Terms of Endearment"(1983)..........................$108 million
40. "Superman II"(1981).........................................$108 million
41. "Driving Miss Daisy"(1989)..............................$106 million
42. "Porky's"(1982)................................................$105 million
43. "9 to 5"(1980)....................................................$103 million
44. "Stir Crazy"(1980)...........................................$101 million
45. "Parenthood"(1989)........................................$100 million
46. "Dead Poet's Society"(1989)............................$96 million
47. "Arthur"(1981).................................................$95 million
48. "Flashdance"(1983).........................................$95 million
49. "The Color Purple"(1985)...............................$94 million
50. "When Harry Met Sally"(1989).......................$93 million
51. "Back to School"(1986)....................................$91 million
52. "The Karate Kid"(1984)....................................$90 million
53. "Trading Places"(1983)...................................$90 million
54. "Out of Africa"(1985).....................................$87 million
55. "The War of the Roses"(1989).......................$87 million
56. "Aliens"(1986).................................................$86 million
57. "Stripes"(1981)...............................................$85 million
58. "Steel Magnolias"(1989)................................$83 million
59. "Die Hard"(1988)...........................................$83 million
60. "Airplane!"(1980)..........................................$83 million
61. "Police Academy"(1984)...............................$81 million
62. "Moonstruck"(1987).....................................$80 million
63. "Footloose"(1984).........................................$80 million
64. "The Golden Child"(1986)..........................$79 million
65. "Wargames"(1983)......................................$79 million
66. "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan"(1982).....$78 million
67. "48 Hrs."(1982)...........................................$78 million
68. "The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!"(1988).......$78 million
69. "Cocktail"(1988)........................................$78 million
70. "Poltergeist"(1982)....................................$76 million
71. "Romancing the Stone"(1984).................$76 million
72. "Star Trek III: The Search for Spock"(1984).....$76 million
73. "The Untouchables"(1987)........................$76 million
74. "Cocoon"(1985)..........................................$76 million
75. "The Jewel of the Nile"(1985)........................$75 million
76. "Beetlejuice"(1988)....................................$73 million
77. "The Cannonball Run"(1981)................$72 million
78. "Ruthless People"(1986)..............................$71 million
79. "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation"(1989)...........$71 million
80. "Any Which Way You Can"(1980).......$70 million

*2,651 films were released in the 1980s. But who's counting?

The Biggest Flops of All Time- The '80s

   Moviemaking is a giant gamble. Unless Batman and the Joker are involved, there's simply no guarantee that profits will pour in on opening weekend. If a thirty-something Steven Spielberg isn't making decisions on the set, there's absolutely no telling what you'll get. For every "Ghostbusters", there's a dozen financial busts that we DON'T revisit on cable a couple times a year. I'm pausing "The Empire Strikes Back" to burrow through my extensive archives and bring you the ten biggest flops of the 1980s in the order of their(overlooked) release.

"Heaven's Gate"(1980)
Director Michael Cimino, hot off his 1978 Best Picture winner "The Deer Hunter", found his fortunes radically reversed with this reviled Western 'epic'- the most resounding failure the industry had EVER seen circa 1980. It's since been suggested that Cimino should have to give back his Oscar, after three hours and thirty-nine minutes of pointless meandering, set against the (mostly-fictional) backdrop of 'The Johnson County War' of the 1890s. Kris Kristofferson, Christopher Walken and Jeff Bridges watched helplessly as the unrecoverable budget swelled to $44 million(it's $3.5 million gross bankrupted United Artists). "Gate" became a cautionary tale for overly-ambitious filmmakers with unchecked egos, as the fabled artistic freedom of the 1970s fell in favor of the studio's carefully-constructed crowd-pleasers. The era of self-indulgent directorial excess was officially over.

"Supergirl"(1984)
And you thought "Superman III" and "IV" were bad. The embarrassing adventures of Clark Kent's cousin set the female superhero sub-genre back about twenty years. A 20 year old Helen Slater brings blue-eyed blonde beauty and little else to her not-so Supergirl, while Faye Dunaway parted ways with the A-list as a campy witch villainess worthy of the '60s "Batman" TV show. "Jaws 2" director Jeannot Szwarc has them fighting over a random hunk(Hart Bochner), a puerile plot that couldn't even pull in preteen girls. Producers Ilya and Alexander Salkind were deservedly dropped into the Phantom Zone as "Beverly Hills Cop" crushed Kara Zor-El at the ticket counter, a $20 million loss that kept the feet of all involved in this fiasco firmly on the ground.

"Revolution"(1985)
With the obvious exception of a certain iconic gun-toting, coke-snorting Cuban, the '80s was a difficult decade for Al Pacino. He largely struggled to maintain the standards of excellence he set with FFC and Sidney Lumet, and the immense pressures even drove him into a four-year hiatus following the release of "Chariots of Fire" director Hugh Hudson's historical heartbreaker. The American Revolution is ripe material, but Al just seems too contemporary for the 1776 setting, and his needless voiceover narration took viewers(all eight of them) out of the movie immediately. Hudson's battle scenes never bother "Braveheart", and the disastrous box office($360,000 on a $28 million budget) meant that junior high history teachers would be subjecting sleepy students to "Ghandi" instead.

"Howard the Duck"(1986)
The first chink in George Lucas' armor was this wildly ill-fated comic fantasy about a wisecracking, extraterrestrial duck who crash lands on Earth and befriends a young female rock 'n' roll singer(Lea Thompson). The legendary "Star Wars" creator didn't direct, but he was the producer and driving force behind the first movie ever based on a Marvel comic(no wonder it took nearly fifteen years for their key properties to reach the big screen). It wasn't easy to forget the noisy special effects, clumsy plot, awful dialogue and Marty McFly's mom getting intimate with a child actor in a duck suit(a horrified Thompson broke out in tears at the film's premiere). It's gotta be tough going straight from one of the decade's best films into one of it's worst. "Howard" laid a massive egg at the box office, and legend has it that two Universal Studios executives got into a fistfight in the aftermath. They both should have taken a swing at the 'genius' who later gave us Jar Jar Binks.

"Pirates"(1986)
It's extremely rare for an expensive effort from a top-tier filmmaker to be totally and completely forgotten. Well, that's exactly what happened to the shipwrecked shit-fest that left me wishing Roman Polanski had been apprehended by U.S. authorities. It's unclear whether the exiled "Chinatown" director intended to make a serious movie. If so, Walter Matthau was woefully miscast as the scruffy seafarer at it's center(Roman's first choice Jack Nicholson wisely refused). I have a much greater respect for what Johnny Depp did after watching this grumpy old man gargle indecipherable dialogue for two hours. Heck, I'll take "Cutthroat Island" over this cock-up. "Pirates" walked the plank in July of '86, taking over $30 million and a chunk of Polanski's credibility with it.

"Ishtar"(1987)
The second-biggest money drain of the decade behind Hell's Gate, teamed two A-list leading men that looked like they had a lot more fun fumbling around in Morocco than anyone in America had watching it. Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman are Oscar winners that like to get PAID, and that's how a comedy about struggling musicians in the Middle East ended up costing WAY more than "Predator" and "Robocop"(both released the same summer). The problem is it made A LOT less, and Columbia execs were deeply displeased with the overpaid pair. Hoffman's card-counting abilities rapidly restored his respectability a year later, while Warren had to wait until 1990's "Dick Tracy" to make the late night jokes stop. Director Elaine May("The Heartbreak Kid") never called the shots on another film.

"Leonard Part 6"(1987)
In recent years, there's been mounting evidence that Bill Cosby might be a bad man. Yet while the rest of the world waits for the TV titan to face the music for(allegedly) drugging and raping scores of wannabe starlets, I'm still waiting for charges to be filed over the equally felonious spy spoof that begs a reevaluation of his long, storied standing as one of the late 20th Century's kings of comedy. When I was seven years old, I knew this wasn't funny. The Cos couldn't even pull "Part 6" off in the middle of his sitcom peak, painfully illustrating why he rarely strayed from the relative safety of the small screen(he saved all future straying for his wife). Fun fact- Bill is rumored to have bought the TV rights to "Leonard", making it his one skeleton that stayed buried.

"Caddyshack II"(1988)
This top contender for the title of worst sequel of all time didn't lose as much $$$ as some other films listed here(it made roughly $12 million on a $20 million budget), but it inspired a level of hatred that may trump every one of them. There's never been a kind word spoken about "Caddyshack II". In fact, it's considered so unholy and evil, that it's barely been spoken of AT ALL in the last 25-plus years. Chevy Chase was the only returning cast member from Harold Ramis' much-loved golf comedy willing to sell his soul to this lazy, laugh-free enterprise, while Dan Aykroyd did some early reputation-ruining of his own in a cringe-inducing attempt to fill the void left by his pal Bill Murray. Speaking of voids, are there any Jackie Mason fans out there? I didn't think so.

"Mac and Me"(1988)
I know "E.T." was the biggest movie of all time and imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but this is ridiculous. Is there a more blatant knock-off in film history? Spielberg could have sued if this calamitous carbon copy had actually made money. Mac(Mysterious Alien Creature) is our wrinkled puppet protagonist and he enjoys MacDonald's, Skittles and Coca-Cola(a more erroneous example of product placement, you will not find). If only enough kids had enjoyed his suburban hijinks to kickoff the sequel that producers had the nerve to announce in a pre-credits sequence. Fortunately, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" massacred "Mac" at the '88 summer box office, sending this abysmal alien out of our orbit for all eternity.

"Red Scorpion"(1989)
Moviegoers paid the price for(briefly) embracing muscle-bound Swede Dolph Lundgren. Ivan Drago was fun and all, but the fifty-or-so starring roles that followed left me feeling like Apollo Creed in the second round of what was supposed to be an exhibition. The public's complete rejection of this sweaty, rancid "Rambo" rip-off couldn't call off plans to position the mumbling, monotone mauler into a poor man's Arnold Schwarzenegger. Dolph's Soviet Spetsnaz superman didn't draw a crowd during the most action-friendly era in history, making the likes of Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme look like world-beaters by comparison. The producers of "Scorpion" were soon seeing red, with a $4 million gross on a $16 million budget.

More huge flops

"Brainstorm"(1983)
"Dune"(1984)
"Legend"(1985)
"Red Sonja"(1985)
"Malone"(1987)
"Masters of the Universe"(1987)
"Rent-a-Cop"(1987)
"Switching Channels"(1988)
"Pink Cadillac"(1989)
"We're No Angels"(1989)

The 90 Biggest Hits of the '90s

   Here's a list of the top ninety moneymakers in order from 1990-99. James Cameron's epic tale of endless love, "Titanic" was by far the decade's biggest success story, and George Lucas' mega-hyped return to the "Star Wars" universe had to settle for a distant second. Elsewhere, Spielberg continued his directorial dominance, the two Toms(Hanks and Cruise) were practically a license to print money, animated films made a huge comeback, and the Fresh Prince became a box office heavyweight after a scrap with some aliens. I was surprised to see so many comedies and dramas on the list as well. Some are very high. People actually saw Academy Award winning movies in the '90s. Imagine that.


1. "Titanic"(1997)...............................................................................$600 million
2. "Star Wars: Episode I- The Phantom Menace"(1999)...................$431 million
3. "Jurassic Park"(1993)....................................................................$356 million
4. "Forrest Gump"(1994)...................................................................$329 million
5. "The Lion King"(1994)..................................................................$328 million
6. "Independence Day"(1996)...........................................................$306 million
7. "The Sixth Sense"(1999)...............................................................$295 million
8. "Home Alone"(1990).....................................................................$285 million
9. "Men In Black"(1997)....................................................................$250 million
10. "Toy Story 2"(1999).....................................................................$245 million
11. "Twister"(1996)........................................................................$241 million
12. "The Lost World: Jurassic Park"(1997).....................................$229 million
13. "Mrs. Doubtfire"(1993).................................................................$219 million
14. "Ghost"(1990)...............................................................................$217 million
15. "Aladdin"(1992)............................................................................$216 million
16. "Saving Private Ryan"(1998).......................................................$216 million
17. "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me"(1999).................$205 million
18. "Terminator 2: Judgment Day"(1991)........................................$204 million
19. "Armageddon"(1998)...................................................................$201 million
20. "Toy Story"(1995).........................................................................$192 million
21. "Dances with Wolves"(1990).......................................................$184 million
22. "Batman Forever"(1995)..............................................................$184 million
23. "The Fugitive"(1993).....................................................................$183 million
24. "Liar, Liar"(1997)...........................................................................$181 million
25. "Mission Impossible"(1996)..........................................................$181 million
26. "Pretty Woman"(1990)...................................................................$178 million
27. "There's Something About Mary"(1998).....................................$176 million
28. "Home Alone 2: Lost in New York"(1992)..................................$173 million
29. "Air Force One"(1997)..................................................................$172 million
30. Apollo 13"(1995)............................................................................$172 million
31. "The Matrix"(1999).......................................................................$171 million
32. "Beauty and the Beast"(1991).....................................................$171 million
33. "Tarzan"(1999)...............................................................................$171 million
34. "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves"(1991).....................................$165 million
35. "Big Daddy"(1999)......................................................................$163 million
36. "Batman Returns"(1992).............................................................$163 million
37. "A Bug's Life"(1998)...................................................................$163 million
38. "The Waterboy"(1998)..............................................................$161 million
39. "The Firm"(1993).......................................................................$158 million
40. "The Mummy"(1999).................................................................$155 million
41. "Jerry Maguire"(1996)..............................................................$153 million
42. "Runaway Bride"(1999)............................................................$152 million
43. "As Good as It Gets"(1997)......................................................$147 million
44. "True Lies"(1994).....................................................................$146 million
45. "The Santa Clause"(1994).......................................................$145 million
46. "Lethal Weapon 3"(1992)........................................................$144 million
47. "Doctor Dolittle"(1998)...........................................................$144 million
48. "Pocahontas"(1995)...............................................................$141 million
49. "A Few Good Men"(1992)......................................................$141 million
50. "Rush Hour"(1998).................................................................$141 million
51. "The Blair Witch Project"(1999)............................................$140 million
52. "Deep Impact"(1998)..............................................................$140 million
53. "Stuart Little"(1999).................................................................$140 million
54. "Sister Act"(1992).....................................................................$139 million
55. "Good Will Hunting"(1997).....................................................$138 million
56. "The Green Mile"(1999)...........................................................$136 million
57. "Ransom"(1996)........................................................................$136 million
58. "Godzilla"(1998).......................................................................$136 million
59. "101 Dalmatians"(1996)...........................................................$136 million
60. "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"(1990)...................................$135 million
61. "Patch Adams"(1998)..............................................................$135 million
62. "The Rock"(1996)....................................................................$134 million
63. "The Silence of the Lambs"(1991).................................................$130 million
64. "The Flintstones"(1994)..........................................................$130 million
65. "American Beauty"(1999)......................................................$130 million
66. "Lethal Weapon 4"(1998)......................................................$130 million
67. "The Nutty Professor"(1996)................................................$128 million
68. "Dumb and Dumber"(1994).................................................$127 million
69. "My Best Friend's Wedding"(1997)....................................$127 million
70. "The World Is Not Enough"(1999).....................................$127 million
71. "Sleepless in Seattle"(1993)...............................................$126 million
72. "The Truman Show"(1998).................................................$125 million
73. "Tomorrow Never Dies"(1997)...........................................$125 million
74. "City Slickers"(1991)...........................................................$124 million
75. "Clear and Present Danger"(1994).....................................$122 million
76. "The Hunt for Red October"(1990)......................................$122 million
77. "The Bodyguard"(1992)........................................................$122 million
78. "Wayne's World"(1992)......................................................$121 million
79. "Speed"(1994)......................................................................$121 million
80. "Mulan"(1998).....................................................................$120 million
81. "The Mask"(1994)...............................................................$120 million
82. "Hook"(1991).......................................................................$119 million
83. "Total Recall"(1990)...........................................................$119 million
84. "Basic Instinct"(1992)..........................................................$117 million
85. "Die Hard 2: Die Harder"(1990)..........................................$117 million
86. "Double Jeopardy"(1999)....................................................$116 million
87. "Notting Hill"(1999)..............................................................$116 million
88. "You've Got Mail"(1998)......................................................$115 million
89. "Wild Wild West"(1999)........................................................$113 million
90. "The Addams Family"(1991)................................................$113 million

*3,022 films were released in the 1990s. But who's counting?

The Biggest Flops of All Time- The '90s

     I've continued my retrospective of the most note-worthy turkeys in history with this '90s edition. Like I pointed out on the '00s flops blog, scores of movies come out every year that don't perform well, but some fail so spectacularly that they cause us to question what we ever liked about the previously lauded participants in the first place. Here are ten such examples.

"Hudson Hawk"(1991)

It's hardly a surprise nowadays when Bruce Willis releases a clunker. He seems to make five bad movies for every good one. But in 1991, audiences were genuinely shocked to see the "Die Hard" dynamo in this ill-conceived vanity project that he also co-wrote. His smug, cool guy attitude was starting to grate a bit as a singing cat burglar, Andie MacDowell appears as a sexy nun(?) and the ridiculousness is exasperated by a series of stupid and needless stunts. The film is nearly unwatchable, losing so much money that it helped put Tri-Star Pictures out of business, but Willis' career is just as resilient as John McClane. He bounced back to do some nice, understated acting in "Pulp Fiction" and "The Sixth Sense", while "Hawk" would get overshadowed by even larger follies later in the decade, but in the early '90s, this was the textbook definition of a bomb.

"Judge Dredd"(1995)
Although Sylvester Stallone stunk up movie houses in the early part of the decade with "Oscar" and "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot", he REALLY started to fall out of favor with his once adoring public with this noisy, overblown adaptation of the futuristic British comic book. Somebody needed to pull Sly aside and remind him that he already made this movie two years earlier. It was called "Demolition Man". Purists argued that Dredd's helmet was never supposed to come off, but Sly's ego was such that the helmet was gone after the first fifteen minutes. That's the least of this flick's problems, though. Stallone gives a leaden performance even by his standards, the ever-annoying Rob Schneider is his 'comic' sidekick, and the finished product was an awkward, ineffective mix of '80s-style tongue-in-cheek action and '90s era CGI. Sly's decline was accelerated, director Danny Cannon was forced out of the movie biz, and Dredd had to wait seventeen years for another shot at big screen glory.

"Waterworld"(1995)
Here we go. You want to talk about flops? This waterlogged fiasco is synonymous with the word. It's hard to believe Kevin Costner was once the number one actor in Hollywood. The media, eager to bring the mighty star of "The Untouchables", "Bull Durham", and "Field of Dreams" back down to Earth, regularly reported on his sci-fi adventure's bad buzz in the months preceding it's summer '95 release. The soggy "Mad Max" wannabe was the most expensive movie ever made at the time. It's too bad that none of that money showed up on onscreen. When the most memorable scene in a two-and-a-half-hour movie is Kevin Costner drinking his own urine, you're in big trouble. Costner is miscast as the half-man, half-amphibian hero, Dennis Hopper is way over-the-top(not in a good way) as the maniacal villain, and the flawed premise makes little sense. If the whole world is engulfed in water, why is everyone so dirty? And where do they get the fuel to power all those boats? In fairness, "Waterworld" ALMOST recouped it's budget over time due to morbid curiosity, but the damage was done to the careers/reputations of all involved long before the studio bean counting was.

"Cutthroat Island"(1995)
Remember when Geena Davis was a big star? She had an Oscar and an enviable career before she agreed to star in the picture that will live in infamy as, pound for pound, the biggest flop in cinema history. This is the type of movie that should have appealed to action-loving twelve year-old boys, but horrible casting ruined any chance it may have had at box office success. It turned out that twelve year old boys did NOT want to see Davis as a pirate heroine. What a shock. And Mathew Modine was nobody's idea of a swashbuckling hero either. Double shock. Eight years later, Hollywood found the right formula with "Pirates of the Caribbean", but the first attempt at a modern pirate adventure was a catastrophic failure that lost $100 million, bankrupted the studio Carolco, and sank the careers of Davis and her director/husband Renny Harlin.



"The Scarlet Letter"(1995)
Overhyped sexpot Demi Moore was an obiquitous presence during the Clinton years. The "Ghost" star thought she was pushing the envelope and breaking down walls for women in the industry, but all she really succeeded in doing was convincing the studios to blow lots of money on her gimmicky star vehicles. Demi always had a cheap hook to try and distract everyone from the fact that her movies just weren't very good. Her biggest box office bust(no pun intended) had to have been this tawdry take on the Nathaniel Hawthorne novel that also left a blemish on Gary Oldman's otherwise sparkling resume, with it's controversial happy ending. Moore insisted that changing the ending wouldn't matter because nobody had read the book anyway. She underestimated the people's intelligence and Hollywood greatly overestimated her appeal when they made her the highest paid actress of all time. The public voted with their wallets and by the end of the decade, we started seeing a whole lot LESS of Moore.

"Mary Reilly"(1996)

Julia Roberts was definitely the top actress of the '90s, but she had her share of flops as well. It turns out that moviegoers are very particular when it comes to Roberts. Long, curly locks + megawatt smile = $$$. Hair pulled back + dour expression = FLOP. Her dodgy Irish accent didn't impress critics in this dull re-working of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde that also reunited director Stephen Frears, John Malkovich, and Glenn Close- the talented team behind the '88 Best Picture nominee "Dangerous Liasons". Lightning didn't strike twice in a film that only managed to scare the studio executives who gave it the green light. It grossed a frightening $6 million on a $47 million budget. Julia went back to her romantic comedy safe haven and reclaimed her 'America's Sweetheart' status after this spotty experimental phase(her period drama "Michael Collins" also fell flat) that she was damn lucky to survive.

"The Postman"(1997)
Having apparently learned nothing from "Waterworld", Kevin Costner produced, directed, and starred in this overlong, self-indulgent mess. It's a three hour 'epic' about an inspirational letter carrier who brings hope to the masses by delivering mail in a post-apocalyptic world. Are you freakin' kidding me, Costner?! The mere fact that he thought anyone would be interested in this story is simply mind-boggling. The film offers zero thrills, but it does feature scenes of Kevin performing the works of Shakespeare with a mule and some cringe-inducing dialogue("Are you really the Postman?"). I'll bet the Academy wished they could take back those "Dances With Wolves" Oscars from the deluded, pretentious windbag. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy, but his downfall as an A-list leading man was truly spectacular. Kev kept making movies, but he never came close to regaining the lofty position he held prior to his dual '90s disasters.

"The Avengers"(1998)
For those unaware, I'm here to inform you that Uma Thurman actually made a worse movie than "Batman & Robin". Not to be confused with the recent Marvel superhero box office bonanza of the same name, this stupefying film version of the British '60s TV series was originally slated for an early-summer '98 release until Warner Bros got a look at the rough cut. They panicked and pushed the release back till late August, the traditional dumping ground for movies that can't compete in the ultra competitive May/June/July field. They didn't screen it for critics(always a red flag) and hastily demanded the film be trimmed down to a mere 87 minutes. It was still too long. There's nary a plot in sight, Thurman and Ralph Fiennes had no chemistry, Sean Connery looks hopelessly lost as the mad scientist villain, and the action is cartoonish and silly. Uma was left scrambling for Tarantino's phone number in the aftermath, a disillusioned Connery was one step closer to retirement, and journeyman director Jeremiah Chechik never got to helm another movie.

"Meet Joe Black"(1998)
Brad Pitt became a superstar heartthrob in the '90s, but he couldn't even draw his devoted female fans to this ponderous three hour snoozefest. The only tickets this flick sold were to nerds who left the theater immediately after seeing the trailer for "Star Wars: Episode I- The Phantom Menace". The two time 'Sexiest Man Alive' plays Death- how appropriate considering this movie almost killed his career(it came right on the heels of two previous losers, "The Devil's Own" and "Seven Years in Tibet"). The hunky grim reaper visits a billionaire(Anthony Hopkins) with only a few days left to live, but ends up falling in love with his daughter. Fortunately for Pitt, he quickly regained his cool factor in "Fight Club" and "Ocean's 11". Universal Studios boss Joe Biondi wasn't so lucky- he got fired after this $90 million budgeted romantic drama took in less than half that during the '98 holiday season.

"Wild Wild West"(1999)
Will Smith's aggressive cockiness served him well in mega-hits like "Independence Day" and "Men In Black", but he failed to score a summer hat trick with this depressing film version of the '60s TV series(sound familiar?). Smith often boasted in interviews about how he owned the Fourth of July weekend, proclaiming it would soon be known as 'Big Willie weekend'. Okay, asshole. Every inch of this movie feels so calculated and commercial, from the numerous gadgets to the forced comedic bits to Smith's lame hip hop theme song to the trailer-friendly giant mechanical spider that shows up in the climax. Luckily, audiences didn't fall for any of it. Smith apologized, took a much-needed break from fantasy fare, and later did some impressive work in "Ali" and "The Pursuit of Happyness", but some things are hard to forgive and forget.

More huge flops

"Bonfire of the Vanities"(1990)
"Nothing But Trouble"(1991)
"Last Action Hero"(1993)
"North"(1994)
"Showgirls"(1995)
"Money Train"(1995)
"Speed 2: Cruise Control"(1997)
"An Alan Smithee film: Burn, Hollywood, Burn"(1998)
"Soldier"(1998)
"The 13th Warrior"(1999)

The 100 Biggest Hits of the '00s

    I've compiled a list of the one-hundred highest grossing movies in order from 2000-09 and the results were very interesting. Analyzing box office trends is a good way to determine where cinema is heading. This is an era where the 'movie star' was dead and special effects/fantasy/franchise films completely took over. Studio executives don't read reviews, but I guarantee they study lists like this one on a daily basis. When I post the top earners of previous decades, I think the results will be a lot more diverse. James Cameron's revolutionary 3-D epic "Avatar" reigns supreme and is the all-time box office champ, but beyond that we have 39 sequels, 21 animated movies, 10 superhero movies, 11 comedies, 6 installments of "Harry Potter" and "The Passion of the Christ". Was the '00s a great decade for film? You decide.


1. "Avatar"(2009)................................................................$760 million
2. "The Dark Knight"(2008)................................................$533 million
3. "Shrek 2"(2004).............................................................$436 million
4. "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest"(2006)..$423 million
5. "Spider-Man"(2002)..........................................................$403 million
6. "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"(2009)...............$402 million
7. "Star Wars: Episode III- Revenge of the Sith"(2005).....$380 million
8. "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King"(2003)........... ...$377 million
9. "Spider-Man 2"(2004)........................................................$373 million
10. "The Passion of the Christ"(2004)..................................$370 million
11. "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers"(2002).................$340 million
12. "Finding Nemo"(2003)......................................................$339 million
13. "Spider-Man 3"(2007)........................................................$336 million
14. "Shrek the Third"(2007)..................................................$320 million
15. "Transformers"(2007).....................................................$319 million
16. "Iron Man"(2008)............................................................$318 million
17. "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone"(2001)...........$317 million
18. "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"(2008).......$316 million
19. "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring"(2001).................$313 million
20. "Star Wars: Episode II- Attack of the Clones"(2002)......................$310 million
21. "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End"(2007).........................$309 million
22. "Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl"(2003)..........$305 million
23. "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"(2009)............................$302 million
24. "The Twilight Saga: New Moon"(2009)..................................$296 million
25. "Up"(2009)...............................................................$293 million
26. "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix"(2007).....................$292 million
27. "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe"(2005).....$291 million
28. "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"(2005)...............................$290 million
29. "The Matrix Reloaded"(2003)................................$281 million
30. "Meet the Fockers"(2004)......................................$279 million
31. "The Hangover"(2009)...........................................$277 million
32. "Shrek"(2001)........................................................$267 million
33. "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"(2002).....................$262 million
34. "The Incredibles"(2004)........................................$261 million
35. "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"(2000)...........$260 million
36. "Star Trek"(2009).................................................$257 million
37. "I Am Legend"(2007)............................................$256 million
38. "The Blind Side"(2009).........................................$255 million
39. "Monster's Inc."(2001).........................................$255 million
40. "Night at the Museum"(2006)..............................$250 million
41. "Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban"(2004)........................$249 million
42. "Cars"(2006)........................................................$244 million
43. "Bruce Almighty"(2003)......................................$242 million
44. "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"(2002)..................$241 million
45. "X-Men: The Last Stand"(2006).........................$234 million
46. "War of the Worlds"(2005).................................$234 million
47. "Cast Away"(2000)..............................................$233 million
48. "Signs"(2002).......................................................$228 million
49. "Hancock"(2008).................................................$228 million
50. "The Bourne Ultimatum"(2007)..........................$227 million
51. "WALL-E"(2008).................................................$224 million
52. "National Treasure: Book of Secrets"(2007)......$220 million
53. "Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel"(2009)...........$219 million
54. "King Kong"(2005)..............................................$218 million
55. "The Da Vinci Code"(2006)................................$217 million
56. "Alvin and the Chipmunks"(2007)....................$217 million
57. "Kung Fu Panda"(2008).....................................$215 million
58. "Mission Impossible II"(2000)...........................$215 million
59. "X2: X-Men United"(2003)................................$215 million
60. "Austin Powers in Goldmember"(2002)...........$213 million
61. "300"(2007).........................................................$210 million
62. "Wedding Crashers"(2005)..............................$209 million
63. "Sherlock Holmes"(2009).................................$209 million
64. "Batman Begins"(2005)....................................$207 million
65. "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"(2005)...................$206 million
66. "Ratatouille"(2007).............................................$206 million
67. "The Mummy Returns"(2001)........................$202 million
68. "Superman Returns"(2006)............................$200 million
69. "Pearl Harbor"(2001).....................................$198 million
70. Monsters vs. Aliens"(2009).............................$198 million
71. "Happy Feet"(2006)........................................$198 million
72. "Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs"(2009)......$196 million
73. "Ice Age: The Meltdown"(2006)....................$195 million
74. "Madagascar"(2005).........................................$193 million
75. "Twilight"(2008)..............................................$192 million
76. "Men In Black II"(2002).................................$190 million
77. "Gladiator"(2000)...........................................$187 million
78. "The Day After Tomorrow"(2004)...............$186 million
79. "Mr. and Mrs. Smith"(2005).........................$186 million
80. "Ocean's Eleven"(2001).................................$183 million
81. "The Polar Express"(2004)...........................$183 million
82. "The Simpsons Movie"(2007).......................$183 million
83. "What Women Want"(2000)........................$183 million
84. "The Perfect Storm"(2000)...........................$182 million
85. "Jurassic Park III"(2001).............................$181 million
86. "Planet of the Apes"(2001)...........................$180 million
87. "Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa"(2008).........$180 million
88. "X-Men Origins: Wolverine"(2009)...........$180 million
89. "Hitch"(2005)...............................................$179 million
90. "Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian"(2009)......$177 million
91. "Ice Age"(2002)...........................................$176 million
92. "The Bourne Supremacy"(2004)...............$176 million
93. "Elf"(2003)..................................................$173 million
94. "National Treasure"(2004)........................$173 million
95. "A Beautiful Mind"(2001).........................$170 million
96. "Chicago"(2002).........................................$170 million
97. "Quantum of Solace"(2008)......................$168 million
98. "Wild Hogs"(2007)....................................$168 million
99. "Casino Royale"(2006).............................$167 million
100. "Meet the Parents"(2000)......................$166 million

*7,032 films were released in the 2000s. But who's counting?