"Hudson Hawk"(1991)
It's hardly a surprise nowadays when Bruce Willis releases a clunker. He seems to make five bad movies for every good one. But in 1991, audiences were genuinely shocked to see the "Die Hard" dynamo in this ill-conceived vanity project that he also co-wrote. His smug, cool guy attitude was starting to grate a bit as a singing cat burglar, Andie MacDowell appears as a sexy nun(?) and the ridiculousness is exasperated by a series of stupid and needless stunts. The film is nearly unwatchable, losing so much money that it helped put Tri-Star Pictures out of business, but Willis' career is just as resilient as John McClane. He bounced back to do some nice, understated acting in "Pulp Fiction" and "The Sixth Sense", while "Hawk" would get overshadowed by even larger follies later in the decade, but in the early '90s, this was the textbook definition of a bomb.
"Judge Dredd"(1995)
Although Sylvester Stallone stunk up movie houses in the early part of the decade with "Oscar" and "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot", he REALLY started to fall out of favor with his once adoring public with this noisy, overblown adaptation of the futuristic British comic book. Somebody needed to pull Sly aside and remind him that he already made this movie two years earlier. It was called "Demolition Man". Purists argued that Dredd's helmet was never supposed to come off, but Sly's ego was such that the helmet was gone after the first fifteen minutes. That's the least of this flick's problems, though. Stallone gives a leaden performance even by his standards, the ever-annoying Rob Schneider is his 'comic' sidekick, and the finished product was an awkward, ineffective mix of '80s-style tongue-in-cheek action and '90s era CGI. Sly's decline was accelerated, director Danny Cannon was forced out of the movie biz, and Dredd had to wait seventeen years for another shot at big screen glory.
"Judge Dredd"(1995)
Although Sylvester Stallone stunk up movie houses in the early part of the decade with "Oscar" and "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot", he REALLY started to fall out of favor with his once adoring public with this noisy, overblown adaptation of the futuristic British comic book. Somebody needed to pull Sly aside and remind him that he already made this movie two years earlier. It was called "Demolition Man". Purists argued that Dredd's helmet was never supposed to come off, but Sly's ego was such that the helmet was gone after the first fifteen minutes. That's the least of this flick's problems, though. Stallone gives a leaden performance even by his standards, the ever-annoying Rob Schneider is his 'comic' sidekick, and the finished product was an awkward, ineffective mix of '80s-style tongue-in-cheek action and '90s era CGI. Sly's decline was accelerated, director Danny Cannon was forced out of the movie biz, and Dredd had to wait seventeen years for another shot at big screen glory.
"Waterworld"(1995)
Here we go. You want to talk about flops? This waterlogged fiasco is synonymous with the word. It's hard to believe Kevin Costner was once the number one actor in Hollywood. The media, eager to bring the mighty star of "The Untouchables", "Bull Durham", and "Field of Dreams" back down to Earth, regularly reported on his sci-fi adventure's bad buzz in the months preceding it's summer '95 release. The soggy "Mad Max" wannabe was the most expensive movie ever made at the time. It's too bad that none of that money showed up on onscreen. When the most memorable scene in a two-and-a-half-hour movie is Kevin Costner drinking his own urine, you're in big trouble. Costner is miscast as the half-man, half-amphibian hero, Dennis Hopper is way over-the-top(not in a good way) as the maniacal villain, and the flawed premise makes little sense. If the whole world is engulfed in water, why is everyone so dirty? And where do they get the fuel to power all those boats? In fairness, "Waterworld" ALMOST recouped it's budget over time due to morbid curiosity, but the damage was done to the careers/reputations of all involved long before the studio bean counting was.
Here we go. You want to talk about flops? This waterlogged fiasco is synonymous with the word. It's hard to believe Kevin Costner was once the number one actor in Hollywood. The media, eager to bring the mighty star of "The Untouchables", "Bull Durham", and "Field of Dreams" back down to Earth, regularly reported on his sci-fi adventure's bad buzz in the months preceding it's summer '95 release. The soggy "Mad Max" wannabe was the most expensive movie ever made at the time. It's too bad that none of that money showed up on onscreen. When the most memorable scene in a two-and-a-half-hour movie is Kevin Costner drinking his own urine, you're in big trouble. Costner is miscast as the half-man, half-amphibian hero, Dennis Hopper is way over-the-top(not in a good way) as the maniacal villain, and the flawed premise makes little sense. If the whole world is engulfed in water, why is everyone so dirty? And where do they get the fuel to power all those boats? In fairness, "Waterworld" ALMOST recouped it's budget over time due to morbid curiosity, but the damage was done to the careers/reputations of all involved long before the studio bean counting was.
"Cutthroat Island"(1995)
Remember when Geena Davis was a big star? She had an Oscar and an enviable career before she agreed to star in the picture that will live in infamy as, pound for pound, the biggest flop in cinema history. This is the type of movie that should have appealed to action-loving twelve year-old boys, but horrible casting ruined any chance it may have had at box office success. It turned out that twelve year old boys did NOT want to see Davis as a pirate heroine. What a shock. And Mathew Modine was nobody's idea of a swashbuckling hero either. Double shock. Eight years later, Hollywood found the right formula with "Pirates of the Caribbean", but the first attempt at a modern pirate adventure was a catastrophic failure that lost $100 million, bankrupted the studio Carolco, and sank the careers of Davis and her director/husband Renny Harlin.
"The Scarlet Letter"(1995)Overhyped sexpot Demi Moore was an obiquitous presence during the Clinton years. The "Ghost" star thought she was pushing the envelope and breaking down walls for women in the industry, but all she really succeeded in doing was convincing the studios to blow lots of money on her gimmicky star vehicles. Demi always had a cheap hook to try and distract everyone from the fact that her movies just weren't very good. Her biggest box office bust(no pun intended) had to have been this tawdry take on the Nathaniel Hawthorne novel that also left a blemish on Gary Oldman's otherwise sparkling resume, with it's controversial happy ending. Moore insisted that changing the ending wouldn't matter because nobody had read the book anyway. She underestimated the people's intelligence and Hollywood greatly overestimated her appeal when they made her the highest paid actress of all time. The public voted with their wallets and by the end of the decade, we started seeing a whole lot LESS of Moore.
"Mary Reilly"(1996)
Julia Roberts was definitely the top actress of the '90s, but she had her share of flops as well. It turns out that moviegoers are very particular when it comes to Roberts. Long, curly locks + megawatt smile = $$$. Hair pulled back + dour expression = FLOP. Her dodgy Irish accent didn't impress critics in this dull re-working of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde that also reunited director Stephen Frears, John Malkovich, and Glenn Close- the talented team behind the '88 Best Picture nominee "Dangerous Liasons". Lightning didn't strike twice in a film that only managed to scare the studio executives who gave it the green light. It grossed a frightening $6 million on a $47 million budget. Julia went back to her romantic comedy safe haven and reclaimed her 'America's Sweetheart' status after this spotty experimental phase(her period drama "Michael Collins" also fell flat) that she was damn lucky to survive.
"The Postman"(1997)
Having apparently learned nothing from "Waterworld", Kevin Costner produced, directed, and starred in this overlong, self-indulgent mess. It's a three hour 'epic' about an inspirational letter carrier who brings hope to the masses by delivering mail in a post-apocalyptic world. Are you freakin' kidding me, Costner?! The mere fact that he thought anyone would be interested in this story is simply mind-boggling. The film offers zero thrills, but it does feature scenes of Kevin performing the works of Shakespeare with a mule and some cringe-inducing dialogue("Are you really the Postman?"). I'll bet the Academy wished they could take back those "Dances With Wolves" Oscars from the deluded, pretentious windbag. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy, but his downfall as an A-list leading man was truly spectacular. Kev kept making movies, but he never came close to regaining the lofty position he held prior to his dual '90s disasters.
"The Avengers"(1998)
For those unaware, I'm here to inform you that Uma Thurman actually made a worse movie than "Batman & Robin". Not to be confused with the recent Marvel superhero box office bonanza of the same name, this stupefying film version of the British '60s TV series was originally slated for an early-summer '98 release until Warner Bros got a look at the rough cut. They panicked and pushed the release back till late August, the traditional dumping ground for movies that can't compete in the ultra competitive May/June/July field. They didn't screen it for critics(always a red flag) and hastily demanded the film be trimmed down to a mere 87 minutes. It was still too long. There's nary a plot in sight, Thurman and Ralph Fiennes had no chemistry, Sean Connery looks hopelessly lost as the mad scientist villain, and the action is cartoonish and silly. Uma was left scrambling for Tarantino's phone number in the aftermath, a disillusioned Connery was one step closer to retirement, and journeyman director Jeremiah Chechik never got to helm another movie.
"Meet Joe Black"(1998)
Brad Pitt became a superstar heartthrob in the '90s, but he couldn't even draw his devoted female fans to this ponderous three hour snoozefest. The only tickets this flick sold were to nerds who left the theater immediately after seeing the trailer for "Star Wars: Episode I- The Phantom Menace". The two time 'Sexiest Man Alive' plays Death- how appropriate considering this movie almost killed his career(it came right on the heels of two previous losers, "The Devil's Own" and "Seven Years in Tibet"). The hunky grim reaper visits a billionaire(Anthony Hopkins) with only a few days left to live, but ends up falling in love with his daughter. Fortunately for Pitt, he quickly regained his cool factor in "Fight Club" and "Ocean's 11". Universal Studios boss Joe Biondi wasn't so lucky- he got fired after this $90 million budgeted romantic drama took in less than half that during the '98 holiday season.
"Wild Wild West"(1999)
Will Smith's aggressive cockiness served him well in mega-hits like "Independence Day" and "Men In Black", but he failed to score a summer hat trick with this depressing film version of the '60s TV series(sound familiar?). Smith often boasted in interviews about how he owned the Fourth of July weekend, proclaiming it would soon be known as 'Big Willie weekend'. Okay, asshole. Every inch of this movie feels so calculated and commercial, from the numerous gadgets to the forced comedic bits to Smith's lame hip hop theme song to the trailer-friendly giant mechanical spider that shows up in the climax. Luckily, audiences didn't fall for any of it. Smith apologized, took a much-needed break from fantasy fare, and later did some impressive work in "Ali" and "The Pursuit of Happyness", but some things are hard to forgive and forget.
More huge flops
"Bonfire of the Vanities"(1990)
"Nothing But Trouble"(1991)
"Last Action Hero"(1993)
"North"(1994)
"Showgirls"(1995)
"Money Train"(1995)
"Speed 2: Cruise Control"(1997)
"An Alan Smithee film: Burn, Hollywood, Burn"(1998)
"Soldier"(1998)
"The 13th Warrior"(1999)
"The Postman"(1997)
Having apparently learned nothing from "Waterworld", Kevin Costner produced, directed, and starred in this overlong, self-indulgent mess. It's a three hour 'epic' about an inspirational letter carrier who brings hope to the masses by delivering mail in a post-apocalyptic world. Are you freakin' kidding me, Costner?! The mere fact that he thought anyone would be interested in this story is simply mind-boggling. The film offers zero thrills, but it does feature scenes of Kevin performing the works of Shakespeare with a mule and some cringe-inducing dialogue("Are you really the Postman?"). I'll bet the Academy wished they could take back those "Dances With Wolves" Oscars from the deluded, pretentious windbag. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy, but his downfall as an A-list leading man was truly spectacular. Kev kept making movies, but he never came close to regaining the lofty position he held prior to his dual '90s disasters.
"The Avengers"(1998)
For those unaware, I'm here to inform you that Uma Thurman actually made a worse movie than "Batman & Robin". Not to be confused with the recent Marvel superhero box office bonanza of the same name, this stupefying film version of the British '60s TV series was originally slated for an early-summer '98 release until Warner Bros got a look at the rough cut. They panicked and pushed the release back till late August, the traditional dumping ground for movies that can't compete in the ultra competitive May/June/July field. They didn't screen it for critics(always a red flag) and hastily demanded the film be trimmed down to a mere 87 minutes. It was still too long. There's nary a plot in sight, Thurman and Ralph Fiennes had no chemistry, Sean Connery looks hopelessly lost as the mad scientist villain, and the action is cartoonish and silly. Uma was left scrambling for Tarantino's phone number in the aftermath, a disillusioned Connery was one step closer to retirement, and journeyman director Jeremiah Chechik never got to helm another movie.
"Meet Joe Black"(1998)
Brad Pitt became a superstar heartthrob in the '90s, but he couldn't even draw his devoted female fans to this ponderous three hour snoozefest. The only tickets this flick sold were to nerds who left the theater immediately after seeing the trailer for "Star Wars: Episode I- The Phantom Menace". The two time 'Sexiest Man Alive' plays Death- how appropriate considering this movie almost killed his career(it came right on the heels of two previous losers, "The Devil's Own" and "Seven Years in Tibet"). The hunky grim reaper visits a billionaire(Anthony Hopkins) with only a few days left to live, but ends up falling in love with his daughter. Fortunately for Pitt, he quickly regained his cool factor in "Fight Club" and "Ocean's 11". Universal Studios boss Joe Biondi wasn't so lucky- he got fired after this $90 million budgeted romantic drama took in less than half that during the '98 holiday season.
"Wild Wild West"(1999)
Will Smith's aggressive cockiness served him well in mega-hits like "Independence Day" and "Men In Black", but he failed to score a summer hat trick with this depressing film version of the '60s TV series(sound familiar?). Smith often boasted in interviews about how he owned the Fourth of July weekend, proclaiming it would soon be known as 'Big Willie weekend'. Okay, asshole. Every inch of this movie feels so calculated and commercial, from the numerous gadgets to the forced comedic bits to Smith's lame hip hop theme song to the trailer-friendly giant mechanical spider that shows up in the climax. Luckily, audiences didn't fall for any of it. Smith apologized, took a much-needed break from fantasy fare, and later did some impressive work in "Ali" and "The Pursuit of Happyness", but some things are hard to forgive and forget.
More huge flops
"Bonfire of the Vanities"(1990)
"Nothing But Trouble"(1991)
"Last Action Hero"(1993)
"North"(1994)
"Showgirls"(1995)
"Money Train"(1995)
"Speed 2: Cruise Control"(1997)
"An Alan Smithee film: Burn, Hollywood, Burn"(1998)
"Soldier"(1998)
"The 13th Warrior"(1999)
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