The 60 Greatest Characters of the '60s

   The 1960s were a blast. Unfortunately, unless you're over age SIXTY, you weren't actually there. Fortunately, film is forever, and we have all these characters to enjoy right alongside the Beatles back-catalogue, "The Dick Van Dyke Show", and those early Ali fights. With the exception of #35, I purposely excluded characters based on actual historical figures(sorry, Lawrence of Arabia) and decided to limit the list to two characters per actor(sorry, Butch Cassidy). Fanny Brice was fun, but almost all of these guys and girls are fictional, it's only fair. Now I won't make you wait like those three goons at the beginning of "Once Upon a Time in the West". Here are the 60 greatest characters of the '60s.

60(tie). Tom Jones- "Tom Jones"(1963)
Albert Finney's amorous playboy won plenty of plaudits(he's the face of 1963's Best Picture). Tom broke the fourth wall way before Ferris Bueller did, and turned 18th Century England into his own personal playground. Translation- he's extremely popular with the opposite sex.

60(tie). Inspector Jacques Clouseau-"The Pink Panther"(1963)
Peter Sellers' expert comic timing and skill is the chief reason to check out this Blake Edwards hit. The klutzy Clouseau obscures his ensemble castmates(David Niven, Robert Wagner) on a search for a notorious jewel thief, setting himself up to take center-stage in two '70s sequels. I wouldn't open that champagne bottle in bed, if I were you.





59. Murray Burns- "A Thousand Clowns"(1965)
And you thought you hated going to work. Murray doesn't have that problem because he simply won't do it. A relaxation expert as defiantly unemployed as Jeff Lebowski would be thirty-three years later, the supremely skilled Jason Robards may inspire you to actually know what day it is more often during your mind-numbingly routine daily existence.

58. Blanche Barrow- "Bonnie and Clyde"(1967)
Buck's wife was barely a member of the infamous Barrow gang, yet was instrumental in their undoing. This is why you don't include your shrill wife in a cross-country crime spree. Estelle Parsons' expert shrieking made her a Best Supporting Actress winner(and Roseanne's mother, two decades later).

57. Charly Gordon- "Charly"(1968)
Cliff Robertson's mentally challenged man-child was a hit with the hippie crowd. Dare I say, Charly was the Forrest Gump of the late '60s. Cliff's Best Actor Oscar certainly backs up that comparison. Who said you can't go full retard?

56. Diana Scott- "Darling"(1965)
The Swinging Sixties looked like fun. I'd want an invite to any party that Julie Christie's lovely London model was in attendance for. The sassy, opportunistic Scott(aided by director John Schlesinger) helped pave the way for morally ambiguous protagonists.

55. Bruce Wayne/Batman- "Batman"(1966)
Adam West's Bright Knight is a camp delight, and while his TV run might be an unfair advantage, I couldn't deny him a spot on the list. That Shark Repellant Bat Spray in burned into all of our brains. Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb. R.I.P.

54. Yuri Zhivago- "Doctor Zhivago"(1965)
Omar Sharif's romantic physician is at the center of one of the great '60s epics. Director David Lean whisked adventurous viewers(and there were LOTS of them) off to Moscow and dropped them, alongside Sharif, in the middle of the Russian Revolution. Zhivago's zest, brought out by the lovely Julie Christie, makes it more than a dry history lesson.

53. Herbie- "The Love Bug"(1968)
Some would say that cars don't count. This cute Beetle's box office begs to differ. From dealership neglect to racetrack royalty, Herbie has an arc that a lot of humas would envy. Four sequels followed, the most recent of which arrived in 2005.

52. Doctor Dolittle- "Doctor Dolittle"(1967)
Thirty years before Eddie Murphy talked to animals, Rex Harrison sang and did the same, because it's more fun than talking to people and he has nothing in common with the human race. "Dolittle" may be the sort of splashy, expensive musical that would soon fall out of favor, but it remains ideal for family viewing.

51. Lila Crane- "Psycho"(1960)
The real heroine of Hitchcock's magnus opus deserves more credit than she's been historically given. We should all have a sister as sensible and cool under pressure. Lila beat Bates on his home turf, no small feat.

50. Humbert- "Lolita"(1962)
James Mason's bumbling British professor may make some folks uncomfortable now- he's hopelessly obsessed with his girlfriend's tempting teenage daughter. The worldly Lolita(Sue Lyons) is 14 going on 40, and it's hard to hate Humbert in a 1950s setting where robbing-the-cradle wasn't so black-and-white.

49. Oliver Twist- "Oliver!"
Take a good look at this London orphan. This is how children are supposed to behave. That is, until he falls under the wing of Ron Moody's Fagin(he just missed the cut) and joins up with his pint-sized pickpockets. Oliver should be everyone's childhood friend.

48. Scout- "To Kill a Mockingbird"(1962)
This rough-and-tumble tomboy is the real protagonist in perhaps the decade's finest drama. Whether she's running roughshod over her Alabama neighborhood with brother Jem or receiving pearls of wisdom from her pop Atticus, six-year old Scout is a charmer. She made the Great Depression a lot less depressing.

47. Minnie Castevet-"Rosemary's Baby"(1968)
Ruth Gordon's garish neighbor is the reason you avoid little old ladies. They might really be part of a satanic cult that wants to steal your baby. Minnie's malevolance is cleverly masked by the harmless doddering that we usually associate with senior citizens. Don't be fooled again.

46. Joe Buck- "Midnight Cowboy"(1969)
Jon Voight's horny hustler rolled into New York, and things were never the same. You see, the collapse of the Production Code opened the floodgates for all sorts of salacious characters and stories that would not have been approved in the days of FDR, Harry Truman and Dwight Eisenhower. Buck was only trying to make one, let's be glad nobody was there to stop him.

45. Gloria Wandrous-"Butterfield 8"(1960)
Long before Julia Roberts was rescued by Richard Gere, the luscious Liz Taylor wasn't so lucky, as an upscale call girl that pays a heavy price for her chosen profession. It's been said that Liz didn't love the role that landed her that first Best Actress Oscar. That's okay, because I'll do it for her. Gloria is a big reason why Taylor is a '60s goddess.

44. Elmer Gantry- "Elmer Gantry"(1960)
Burt Lancaster's barnstorming performance as an evangelical con-man put him at the top of the '60 Best Actor slate. Don't put any more crumpled dollars in that church basket. Better yet, find something else to do on Sundays at noon. "Gantry" gutted religious zealotry before your grandparents were dragging your parents before some pitiful priest.

43. Alexis Zorba-"Zorba the Greek"(1964)
Anthony Quinn's gregarious musician/peasant is among the Mexican star's most memorable characterizations. Why can't we all journey through this life with Zorba's exuberance? I know, easier said than done. Dance on the beach and approach that lady you've been longing for. You only live once.

42. Chief Gillespie-"In the Heat of the Night"(1967)
Rod Steiger's Mississippi police chief was the pinnacle of his forty-plus year run on movie screens. Gillespie confronts his prosaic prejudices during a backwoods murder investigation that leaves everyone more enlightened as a result. Steiger's work here won him the Best Actor Oscar.

41. Anita-"West Side Story"(1961)
I couldn't take my eyes off of this sassy scene-stealer in 1961's Best Picture. Rita Moreno was a revelation. I have a feeling she would have something to say about Trump's immigration policy. Spielberg, why bother with a remake?

40. Toni Simmons-"Cactus Flower"(1969)
It's safe to say we were in love with Goldie from the start(Kurt, you're a lucky man). Hawn's first movie resulted in an Academy Award and a thirty-year film career. Think about that for a moment. Bubbly blonde beauty doesn't grow on trees, and Goldie's got it shooting out of every one of her pores.

39. Billy- "Easy Rider"(1969)
Dennis Hopper was a dirt-bag. I mean that in the nicest possible way. He stopped bathing and hit the wide open countryside with Peter Fonda in this era-defining counterculture classic. Think twice about buying that motorcycle. And don't do drugs.

38. Marion Crane- "Psycho"(1960)
Vivian Leigh's scheming secretary hooks viewers immediately in the greatest film of the 1960s, in my not-so-humble opinion. Marion makes off with $40,000, which is supposed to buy her a better life with her boyfriend. Her new pal Norman has other ideas, though. I could watch her shower for hours.

37. Baloo- "The Jungle Book"(1967)
You only need the bare necessities. Sidekicks are an integral part of animation, and this fun-loving bear is right up there with Donkey and Buzz Lightyear. Mowgli couldn't have asked for a better jungle guide, maybe he should have stayed out of the Man-Village.

36. Cornelius- "Planet of the Apes"(1968)
Roddy McDowell logged more appearances than any other actor in the "Apes" franchise(even though his face was hidden by an Oscar-winning make-up job, the first of it's kind). Cornelius is an archeologist/historian that carefully considers the evidence that human beings might not be inferior after all.

35. Spartacus- "Spartacus"(1960)
A barrel-chested Kirk Douglas gave us the decade's first great hero, forty years before Russell Crowe's Maximus ushered manliness into the new millennium. His Thracian gladiator led a slave uprising against the Roman Republic(staged by Stanley Kubrick, no less) and it's sure be mentioned early and often in his obituaries.

34. Tuco- "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly"(1966)
Eli Wallach should have won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his wily Mexican bandit(he wasn't even nominated!). 'The Ugly' managed to force Clint Eastwood to march across the desert until he passed out from dehydration- not bad for a comical third wheel. Tuco didn't get the gold in that cemetery, but he did worm his way into the hearts of plenty of '60s film fans.

33. Mrs. Robinson- "The Graduate"(1967)
Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson. Why couldn't I have met a hot, horny housewife to take my mind off the fact that I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life? I would have kept those hotel hookups going longer than Ben Braddock did(he's coming).

32. George Taylor- "Planet of the Apes"(1968)
A cigar-chomping Charlton Heston had plenty to smile about. That is, until his hibernating spaceship crash lands on an unknown planet ruled by armed gorillas and intellectual chimpanzees. Turns out(spoiler alert!) that he's on Earth where the few, remaining humans are treated like animals in the wake of nuclear war. Those damn, dirty apes.

31. Harmonica- "Once Upon a Time in the West"(1968)
Clint wasn't the only stoic cowboy in the Wild West. Charles Bronson's enigmatic drifter wasn't far behind in Sergio Leone's OTHER Western epic. What made Bronson such a believable bad-ass? Well, it was probably the fact that he ACTUALLY WAS ONE. No acting required. Harmonica's brother was killed a long time ago. Revenge was never sweeter.

30. C.C. Baxter- "The Apartment"(1960)
Jack Lemmon's lovable office drone may be the most normal and relatable character on the list. I think we've all pined after a cute coworker that's tragically preoccupied with someone higher up the food chain. Baxter's sick NYC apartment levels the playing field. If you have yet to spend a night there, shame on you.

29. Rosemary Woodhouse- "Rosemary's Baby"(1968)
Mia Farrow lost her baby to Woody Allen...I mean, the devil, in Roman Polanski's resounding horror hit. Rosemary's plight gets right at the fear in the heart of every new mother. That's why this film will still be watched in 2068, while hundreds of newer scary movies have already been erased from your memory bank. Now go check on that crib, I'll wait.

28. Frank- "Once Upon a Time in the West"(1968)
You can't call yourself a movie buff, until you've seen Henry Fonda shoot a kid in cold blood(a far cry from the quiet heroism of Juror #8). I wasn't around in Dec 1968, but I understand that was completely unexpected. Fonda wasn't fooling around when he decided to join the dark side as this casually cruel gang leader. That icy stare alone would keep me out of Flagstone.

27. Lt. Frank Bullitt- "Bullitt"(1968)
Steve McQueen, aka The King of Cool, is a big part of the reason that cowboys were replaced by morally complex cops as we entered a New Hollywood(aka the 1970s). The mob-busting Bullitt makes like one, in his Ford Mustang GT on the streets of San Francisco(no stunt driver necessary). You can have the "Fast and the Furious" franchise.

26. Rooster Cogburn- "True Grit"(1969)
John Wayne's Oscar win for this crusty one-eyed lawman has to rank among the AA's most satisfying moments(the greatest movie star of all time should have at least one). But the Duke never needed such recognition, as he's had the devotion of every male moviegoer starting with "Stagecoach". The cantankerous Cogburn got a sequel, 1975's "Rooster Cogburn", and a fresh coat from the Coen brothers and Jeff Bridges in 2010.

24, 25. Oscar Madison and Felix Unger- "The Odd Couple"(1968)
Because you can't have one without the other. Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau made comedic history inside their shared Manhattan apartment, in their second of EIGHT collaborations(ten, if "Kotch" and "JKF" count). Neil Simon knew that a slob and a neat-freak was enough to keep us glued to our seats, a blueprint that comedy actors, writers and directors have been working from ever since.

23. The Sundance Kid- "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid"(1969)
Robert Redford's supercool sidekick is the yardstick against which all others are measured, not that the Sundance Kid ever really played second fiddle. There isn't a man you'd rather have at your side if your ever being chased across Wyoming or barricaded inside a Bolivian hut. Harry Alonzo Longabaugh(real name) may not be able to swim, but he participated in the longest string of bank/train robberies in U.S. history. Sounds like a counterculture hero.

22. Cruella De Vil- "101 Dalmatians"(1961)
"Cruella De Vil, Cruella De Vil..." How many villains have their own theme song? De Vil smokes heavily, and wants to make a fur coat out of the cuddly Dalmatians- an evil plan if there ever was one. Cruella just couldn't be contained to the cartoon world, so Glenn Close brought her to live-action life in 1996 and 2000. Fifty-plus years after her first appearance, this diabolical dog hater might still be the ultimate Disney villain.

21. HAL- "2001: A Space Odyssey"(1968)
Leave it to Stanley Kubrick to predict that we'd all become slaves to technology. This eerie supercomputer doesn't appear until about an hour into his sci-fi masterpiece, but his calm voice still provides half the dialogue. HAL has more personality than the docile doctors onboard the Jupiter-bound Discovery One. Maybe machines ARE a poor substitute for social interaction. Daisy, Daisy...

20. Martha- "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?"(1966)
Liz Taylor gained thirty pounds, long before it was trendy for hot actresses to do so, and won her second Best Actress Oscar as the fiery wife of a put-upon professor in Mike Nichols' acting masterclass. Martha has quite the nasty disposition for someone so firmly entrenched in the cushy college life, and is noticeably disappointed in Richard Burton's lack of ambition. Good luck telling this alcoholic hellcat that it's way past her bedtime.

19. Maria- "West Side Story"(1961)
Natalie Wood. If only she hadn't married Robert Wagner. The decade's first great musical leaves me wondering what might have been for the brunette beauty that reached the height of her considerable fame, during the New York tug of war between the Sharks and the Jets. Marni Nixon did her singing, but we'll still be singing about Wood's Maria for another half-a-century.

18. General Buck Turgidson- "Dr. Stranglelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb"(1964)
George C. Scott's gut-busting turn as an inept Chief-of-Staff leaves one wondering why he didn't appear in a hundred comedies. Turgidson hilariously tells the President of a plan that involves modest and acceptable human casualties- 10-20 million killed, tops. Stanley Kubrick's War Room is funny and frightening in equal measure, and this increasingly exasperated general guaranteed it's survival long after the Cold War.

17. Ratso Rizzo- "Midnight Cowboy"(1969)
Dustin Hoffman dirties up his image and buries Ben Braddock(he's quite a diverse actor!) in 1969's Best Picture winner. We weren't used to such an intimate view of degenerate lowlifes, until Ratso gave us a tour of NYC in his own putrid point-of-view. He may not have survived that bus ride to Florida, but compassionate viewers put their collective arm around Rizzo. He's still walkin' here.

16. Dr. Strangelove- "Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb"(1964)
The sensational Peter Sellers famously played three roles in the decade's most cherished comedy, but we'll focus on his titular title character, this wheelchair-bound nuclear war expert and former Nazi. A ratio of ten females to each male at the bottom of a deep underground mine shaft? That's an astonishingly good idea. Strangelove(what kind of name is that anyway?) strings more laughs than should have been possible out of an impending doomsday.

15. Holly Golighty- "Breakfast at Tiffany's"(1961)
When most people think of Audrey Hepburn, big sunglasses and a little black dress are usually the first things that come to mind. Audrey is such an exquisite sight at age 31, that I'm willing to overlook Mickey Rooney's Mr. Yunioshi. Golighty is a good girl gone bad, and bridges the gap between the wholesomeness of the '50s and the murkier terrain that would be trekked upon by the next generation. Casual prostitution, drugs, gold-digging. Nobody ever said she was a role model. No matter- Holly will adorn bedroom walls and throwback merch till the end of time.

14. Maria von Trapp- "The Sound of Music"(1965)
Julie Andrews had two gigantic roles during the LBJ era, and we'll get to the other one shortly. Robert Wise's musical was the highest grossing film of the '60s by a wide margin, and it's difficult to imagine anyone else singing about living hills or taking care of Christopher Plummer's seven kids. Maria and the von Trapp family really did escape from the Third Reich in '38, just in case you thought "Music" was all sunshine and rainbows.

13. Barberella- "Barberella"(1968)
A 30 year old Jane Fonda showed us what the next decade was going to look like, as far as otherworldly female film star hotness was concerned. 'The most iconic sex goddess of the '60s'(a New York Times quote) set Henry's daughter up for lifelong fame, not that she had any desire to fight the forces of evil in the 41st Century for the rest of her career(she had Academy Awards to win). Barb is just begging for a reboot.

12. Eliza Doolittle- "My Fair Lady"(1964)
Audrey Hepburn is the second most lionized lady in the 100 year annals of film(behind MM), and this Cockney girl is her greatest role. Rex Harrison was lucky to have this woman in his life. Doolittle is delightful, and Audrey's inherent goodness and widespread appeal helped gloss over the fact that Julie Andrews originated her onstage. Yes, Marni Nixon's voice strikes again, but I've grown accustomed to her face, and would wait on the street where she lives, just like that lovestruck upper-class gent. Remember, the rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain. How 'Loverly' would it be if the whole family gathered in front of this one once a year?

11. Virgil Tibbs- "In the Heat of the Night"(1967)
Sidney Poitier's polished policeman was the perfect hero for Norman Jewison's prophetic detective drama. They call him Mister Tibbs, and the role was the high point of a barrier-breaking career that saw Sidney scale heights that were unthinkable just ten years earlier. Virgil slapped sense into more than one backwards bigot during a Mississippi murder investigation. Tibbs got two sequels in the early '70s, that's what I call progress.

10. 'Fast' Eddie Felson- "The Hustler"(1961)
Paul Newman was poised to succeed Marlon Brando as the newest stud who could act, the year JFK moved into the White House. High-stakes pool-playing may be a Hollywood myth, but we have it to thank for providing the platform that allowed Paul's A-list ascent- a position he would hold until his death in 2008. If you need proof of Newman's(and Felson's) longevity, there's an '86 Best Actor Oscar out there somewhere for the Scorsese-directed sequel "The Color of Money". When it's 'Fast' Eddie vs. Minnesota Fats, we all come out winners. 

8, 9. Clyde Barrow and Bonnie Parker- "Bonnie and Clyde"(1967)
This is Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway, and they rob banks in Arthur Penn's game-changing crime flick. It turned out that sex and violence and breaking the law is cool, and only Beatty fully realized this(he was the driving force behind the project). The movie versions of B&C are better looking than the real-life pair and more likable, and are the reason you've fantasized about stealing everything in sight with your sinful significant other. Clyde is impotent- a brave creative choice for the famously able-bodied Beatty. Bonnie embraces armed robbery with a vivacious vigor. I think I'm going to go watch it right now.

7. Benjamin Braddock- "The Graduate"(1967)
It's been said that Dustin Hoffman paved the way for a new kind of leading man in Mike Nichols' massive comedy, still one of the best the biz has ever produced. Braddock is every 22 year old that doesn't know what the hell to do next, which is just about every 22 year old. To say that this movie struck a chord with confused counterculture kids would be an understatement. A job is out of the question, and his parents have no credibility, so Mrs. Robinson and her more-age-appropriate daughter take up much of his time and mental energy. Hoffman and his bundle of nerves are brilliant, and his later ventures("Midnight Cowboy", "All the President's Man", "Kramer vs. Kramer", "Tootsie", "Rain Man") proved that Ben turned out alright.

6. Lucas Jackson- "Cool Hand Luke"(1967) 
Working on a chain gang never looked as fun as it did when Newman did it in this sweaty time capsule. Paul was the best actor of the 1960s according to my research, and his irresistible non-conformist has since been recognized as the centerpiece of that considerable peak. Fifty hardboiled eggs, an impromptu boxing match and numerous escape attempts are just a few of the reasons this unflappable convict clicked with so many defiant youths. I miss his smile, too.

5. Mary Poppins- "Mary Poppins"(1964)
Supercalafragilisticexpealadocious. A nonsensical phrase, known the world over, that has since been added to the Oxford dictionary. This magical English nanny is the #1 female in a decade filled with great ones. Poppins is just a part of growing up, if you're of a certain age, and Julie Andrews was justly rewarded with the Best Actress Oscar for this heaven-sent role(Walt Disney himself was the overseer of it all). You don't need a spoonful of sugar when the medicine tastes this good. Andrews lights up the screen in every frame with her warmth and grace(Dick Van Dyke was a worthy dance partner). Emily Blunt has big shoes to fill.

4. Atticus Finch- "To Kill a Mockingbird"(1962)
The American Film Institute's #1 hero(circa 2003) is among the noblest men ever to grace the screen. A model father that finds the time to defend a black man accused of rape in the deep South, Finch was infused with the kindness, integrity and respect of an Oscar-winning Gregory Peck. It's since been suggested that he wasn't really acting. Atticus is the giver of the greatest courtroom speech ever recorded, and his booming voice should be a part of every preteen's film education. Remember, you never really understand someone till you've walked around in their skin. And don't shoot mockingbirds.

3. The Man with No Name- "A Fistful of Dollars"(1964), "For a Few Dollars More"(1965), "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly"(1966)
Clint Eastwood is the biggest living legend in film. There, I said it. You shouldn't have to be told that it all started with this nameless gunslinger in Sergio Leone's spaghetti Western trilogy. This is what unbridled masculinity looks like. We don't have too much of that anymore. Previously a squeaky clean TV actor, Clint traveled to Italy and Spain with a cigar, a stubble and a sarape and came back a Movie Star. We don't have too much of that anymore either. Of course, his Colt Army revolver played a big part in seemingly endless conflicts with Mexican miscreants and Lee Van Cleef. "TGTBATU" is the best of the bunch, and if you've never heard Ennio Morricone maximizing it's climactic showdown, you might want to give your Marvel heroes a rest. Dirty Harry and multiple directing triumphs would await the decades that followed, but to many, "Dollars" still defines cinema's sole Republican.

2. Norman Bates- "Psycho"(1960)
Look at that stare. It's hard to believe there was ever a time when cinematic psychos weren't everywhere. Who wants to watch a movie about a murderous momma's boy with little or no social skills? The answer, of course, was everybody. Alfred Hitchcock knew it, and nothing's been the same since. Norman's lanky, non-threatening appearance is masking some serious pathology. Anthony Perkins never escaped the long shadow of his career-making role, but if you can only be known for ONE thing, then Bates makes for a bitchin' obituary. His longevity is such that three sequels got made(without Hitch) in the '80s, and I've heard good things about his A&E backstory. The Bates Motel will always be open for business.

Smoking was cool.

1. James Bond- "Dr. No"(1962), "From Russia with Love"(1963), "Goldfinger"(1964), "Thunderball"(1965), "You Only Live Twice"(1967), "On Her Majesty's Secret Service"(1969)
This was a no-brainer. The name's Bond. James Bond, the most storied hero in cinema history. Sean Connery was a bodybuilder and a bit player in the '50s, when he was chosen to don a tux in countless exotic locales as the embodiment of Ian Fleming's suave superspy. It turned out that audiences liked the idea of repeat visits from an adventurous alpha male, and the longest-running film series of all time was off and running. Women love him, men want to be him. That's roughly the definition of a male movie star, and Connery's Bond was the blueprint that nearly all of his successors were beholden to. "Russia" and "Goldfinger" solidified the public's devotion to 007, and still rank high on any list of Bond's twenty-five(to date) outings. The character got a facelift when Sean got bored with beauties and bad guys as the '60s drew to a close. George Lazenby may be little more than a trivia question, but '69's "Secret Service" is better than the two that Connery came back for. Pussy galore, shaken martinis, Walther PPKs, Aston Martins. Here's to twenty-five more, James.

Something's Rotten over at Rotten Tomatoes

Steppenwolf and Lex Luthor aren't their only adversaries.

   The release of "Justice League" has forced me to address a troublesome issue that's been gnawing at my movie-obsessed mind for some time. DC's answer to "The Avengers" may have it's 41% score on Rotten Tomatoes to blame for it's underwhelming domestic box office(by today's standards). RT is the one-stop shop for finding out if a movie is worth your precious time and money. It's for people that can't be bothered to read a three-paragraph movie review. Marvel's "Thor: Ragnarok", released two weeks earlier, received a MUCH more generous 92%. I enjoyed both films for the most part, but this discrepancy is just baffling. Maybe Thor 3 IS better, but it isn't THAT much better, and anyone that thinks otherwise is drinking too much of Kevin Feige's Kool-Aid. Last year saw a similarly one-sided showdown between "Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice"(27%) and "Captain America: Civil War"(90%). I like the Cap movies, but if you really think that the third installment is vastly superior to "BvS", then you probably haven't seen many films made before the year 2000. You probably don't know that Robert Downey Jr. embarrassed himself in 1987's "The Pick-Up Artist". What I'm trying to say is that you probably don't know a god-damn thing about movies, and I'm now convinced that half of today's so-called 'experts' don't know that much more.

   There are plenty of movies that are just good enough to get a passing grade, which means when you see that 90%+ score, it COULD mean just that. It doesn't necessarily indicate greatness. On the flip side, a conspicuously low score could be the result of an older film whose written reviews have been lost over time. Here's a partial list of movies with incorrect/misleading RT scores.

"Butterfield 8"(1960)- 47% A prime Elizabeth Taylor won the Best Actress Oscar as an upscale escort.
"How the West Was Won"(1963)- 100% I don't want to knock this amiable star-studded Western from yesteryear, but 73% is more like it.
"The Night of the Following Day"(1968)- 100% This Marlon Brando misstep would be hovering around 50% if anyone had actually watched it in the last forty years.
"Anne of the Thousand Days"(1969)- 42% Richard Burton barnstorms around this regal costume drama as King Henry VIII. "Anne" received ten Academy Award nominations.
"Death Wish"(1974)- 67% Forget the sequels and remakes, and start calling Charles Bronson's signature flick exactly what it is. One of the best films of the early 1970s.
"Family Plot"(1976)- 96% Hitchcock's career ended not with a bang, but with a whimper.
"Rocky II"(1979)- 73% You've watched it more times than the Oscar-winning original.
"Mommie Dearest"(1981)- 54% Faye Dunaway should have been nominated for her deranged take on Joan Crawford. Just try looking away when those wire hangers come into play.
"Local Hero"(1983)- 100% This cult comedy is rocking a perfect score which would indicate that it's one of the greatest movies ever made. It is far, FAR from that.
"Rambo: First Blood Part II"(1985)- 30% Stallone's Reagan era heroics were a pop culture phenomenon.
"After Hours"(1985)- 90% I love Scorsese as much as the next guy, but let's not get carried away.
"Overboard"(1987)- 46% Goldie Hawn's most popular movie was a basic cable staple for several years. That's because everyone likes it.
"Batman"(1989)- 72% So, all of these repetitive Marvel releases are better than Burton's game-changer? GTFOH.
"Back to the Future Part II"(1989)- 63% I don't recall too many complaints about this super-entertaining sequel in the packed house at the 2015 rerelease I attended.
"Pacific Heights"(1990)- 43% Michael Keaton's creepy con man makes this slick John Schlesinger thriller worth searching for.
"Not Without My Daughter"(1991)- 47% Sally Field shines in this fact-based drama that got snuffed out by the PC police over it's alleged Islamophobia.
"Sleeping with the Enemy"(1991)- 21% A red-hot Julia Roberts runs away from her brutal husband in the best Lifetime movie you'll ever see.
"Getting Even with Dad"(1994)- 3% C'mon, y'all LOVED seeing Macaulay Culkin outsmarting adults just a few years earlier.
"Forrest Gump"(1994)- 71% A beloved Best Picture winner that everyone in the civilized world has seen. Fuck you, "Shawshank"/"Pulp Fiction" fans.
"Braveheart"(1995)- 78% Another absolute classic that revisionist history has attempted to downgrade. If you don't love Mel's masterpiece, then you don't love movies.
"Star Wars: Episode I- The Phantom Menace"(1999)- 56% Let's lay off of Lucas' prequel trilogy. "TPM" brought "Star Wars" back in a big way.
"What Lies Beneath"(2000)- 46% The climactic bathtub scene alone should have kept Bob Zemeckis' ghost story comfortably fresh.
"The Passion of the Christ"(2004)- 49% I'm defending Mad Mel twice now. Accusations of anti-Semitism cut the praise for his impressive biblical blockbuster in half.
"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"(2008)- 77% No one liked it.
"Changeling"(2008)- 62% This Clint Eastwood-directed period drama contains Angelina Jolie's best performance.
"J. Edgar"(2011)- 43% While we're on Clint, his take on the FBI's intensely-focused founder(a game Leo DiCaprio) is more interesting than many films that were judged more favorably.
"The Call"(2013)- 45% I dare you not to enjoy this Halle Berry thriller with the WWE Films label.
"Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice"(2016)- 27% The most egregious example of the anti-DC sentiment.
"Get Out"(2017)- 99% It was good, not great.
"All Eyez on Me"(1017)- 18% Demetrius Shipp Jr.'s remarkable resemblance to late rap legend Tupac Shakur should have nudged this a lot higher.
"Spider-Man: Homecoming"(2017)- 92% The sixth Spider-Man movie in fifteen years offered nothing new, aside from a multicultural young cast and Michael Keaton.
"Baby Driver"(2017)- 93% Edgar Wright's too-cool-for-school crime flick is a brash fusion of "Fast and the Furious" and early '90s Tarantino. A colorful supporting cast will keep you from getting bored, but I remember when 'cool' wasn't this calculated.
"Logan Lucky"(2017)- 93% Soderbergh shouldn't get his arm raised for this redneck version of "Ocean's Eleven".
"Lady Bird"(2017)- 99% Critics love low budget indie quirk-fests much more than audiences ever will.

   Superhero movies are fun, but you know what else is fun? Making up your own mind about a movie. Debating it's merit with family and friends. Rotten Tomatoes is a flawed system, and very likely compromised by giant corporations that have a financial stake in the success of films that cost between $150-250 million to produce. I don't want to say that there's widespread corruption in the critical arena. But I won't say that there isn't, either. Too many of these scores don't make any sense. There are clearly other factors at play here that have nothing to do with what's up on screen. Professional critics have to be good writers, but are they good CRITICS? There IS a difference. To quote Roger Ebert, every movie deserves it's day in court. If a low score doesn't fit, you must acquit. Try watching "12 Angry Men", "2001: A Space Odyssey", "Raging Bull" or "Schindler's List" before you plop your pimply face in front of the 18th serving of the MCU. You might not think it's so great anymore. RT reduces the art of film criticism to a level of simplicity that is wildly unfair in many cases. The world isn't black and white. And "Justice League" ain't bad.

Franchise Review- Poltergeist

   Thirty-five years ago, Tobe Hooper(or Steven Spielberg) made the ultimate haunted house movie. Ronald Reagan's approval rating was sky-high and so were Michael Jackson's record sales, which meant that shitty sequels were sure to follow. You know I'm talking about the 1980s, and "Poltergeist" is often overshadowed by concurrent longer-running horror franchises, but not on my blog. We're going to get into all the bizarre goings-on that plagued the Freeling family, onscreen and off.

   Is their a "Poltergeist" curse? The producers of that scary E! True Hollywood Story that I watched in '02 sure seemed to think so. We're going to get to the bottom of that(not really) as I recap the legacy of "Poltergeist". This seems like the perfect place to drop a factoid about a TV show called "Poltergeist: The Legacy" that tried to squeeze a few bucks out of the brand name from 1996-1999. I want you to be every bit the pop culture junkie that I am. So, let's begin.

"Poltergeist"(1982)
Steven Spielberg, or God, as I like to call him, wrote, produced and directed(?) the greatest haunted house movie of all time. I know, that isn't his name under that last part in the opening credits, or the poster, or the back of the DVD. Tobe Hooper, of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" fame, was also on the set, so there's some confusion. Well, I'm going to add to it right now. Multiple cast and crew members have credited Spielberg as the film's primary creative voice. Maybe they're just sucking up to the most powerful guy in the biz, but the quality of the production certainly backs those claims. So does the suburban setting, and it's spitting image "E.T.". Drew Barrymore could have just as easily been sucked into a portal in the closet. Hooper died recently, and I don't enjoy pointing out that his last hit was..."Poltergeist". Meanwhile, SS is never far from his third Best Director Oscar, and his name appears on more moneymakers than I can list without sounding weirdly obsessed with the man. I guess the debate's settled.

   The original generated $76 million upon it's June release, and is the 70th most successful film of the 1980s. Minutiae like that is one of my specialties. The Spielberg/Hooper tandem took the time to present the Freelings as a flesh-and-blood family amidst all of the supernatural shenanigans, and it makes all the difference in the world. In a decade loaded with fright-fests, only the "Shining" outranks it in my book.

"Poltergeist II: The Other Side"(1986)
JoBeth Williams and Craig T. Nelson were lured back for the inevitable sequel by the biggest paychecks of their careers (ahh, artistic integrity). They're joined on "The Other Side" by Will Sampson(the Chief from "Cuckoo's Nest", and you better have seen it) and theater vet Julian Beck. That brings me to the only two minutes of this turd worth your undivided attention.

   I proclaim the insane Rev. Kane to be one of the most underrated creeps in movie history. Seriously, this deceased preacher makes me wish that the rest of "PII" doesn't so closely resemble the last crap I took. Spielberg and Hooper were both long gone, and the late Brian Gibson's one good movie AIN'T "Poltergeist II"(it's "What's Love Got to Do with It"). Fortunately, a grinning Tom Cruise came to rescue summertime audiences from it's shoddy FX-laden climax. The jingoistic "Top Gun" was a genuine '80s phenomenon.

   Now, we're going to talk about the so-called 'Curse of Poltergeist'. Twenty-two year old Dominique Dunne(older sister Dana Freeling) was strangled to death by her abusive boyfriend, four months after the release of the original(incredibly, the psychopathic John Sweeney served less than four years in prison). The skeletal Beck died of stomach cancer almost as soon as his role in "II" had been completed, and Sampson died of kidney failure a year later. Heather O'Rourke wouldn't survive the making of "III", the circumstances of which you're about to learn. These events added a spooky subtext that's arguably more interesting than the films themselves.

"Poltergeist III"(1988)
Heather O'Rourke was one of only two returning cast members(her psychic friend Zelda Rubinstein is the trilogy's other MVP) for this crummy conclusion that was symptomatic of an overworked genre being driven into the ground by cash-grab sequels. Carol Anne is sent to live with her aunt and uncle(Nancy Allen and Tom Skerritt) in a Chicago high-rise, and is still the target of malevolent spirits. You don't care about any of that, though. An eleven-year old O'Rourke probably shouldn't have spent her last days on this thrifty threequel. Heather's sudden and mysterious illness struck three quarters of the way through(she never looks healthy here), stunning the industry, and that's why Carol Anne isn't actually seen in the hastily-rewritten finale. Distraught director Gary Sherman didn't want to finish the film. I think the seven or eight people that paid to see it wish he hadn't.

   "Poltergeist III" got pummeled by the far-friendlier "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" at the summer '88 box office, before joining the late-night cable scrap heap. That's where I saw it as a nine-year old that didn't know any better. Siskel & Ebert's review is on Youtube, and it's a hoot. In the end, we have a life cut heartbreakingly short, yet forever enshrined in horror movie lore. R.I.P. Heather O'Rourke.

"Poltergeist"(2015)
The unholy trifecta of '80s horror villains(Jason, Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers) were all unearthed for remakes between 2007-2010, that no one seems to like. Hell, I don't recall Damien and Carrie White getting welcomed back either, but that didn't stop Hollywood from building more homes on an ancient burial ground. Sam Rockwell is the patriarch of a new family that winds up extremely unhappy in their new suburban surroundings. In fairness, this film and it's technical components are competent. It's also bland and instantly forgettable, and is a reminder of why I hate remakes. I know that many young horror buffs won't mind, and it isn't any worse than most of the genre's yearly offerings. For anyone over the age of 25, this movie and it's telegraphed scares, didn't need to exist.

   In closing, the first "Poltergeist" still steamrolls over all it's paranormal pretenders. It's a blessing, not a curse(horror sequels/reboots/remakes seem to be cursed in general by their unoriginality). TV static puts me in a trance, thanks to Carol Anne and company. They're STILL here.

Franchise Review- Rambo

   Thirty-five years ago, Sylvester Stallone launched his OTHER legendary franchise character whose name starts with an R and contains five letters. It's been a long road, and if you're a male with an ounce of masculinity in your body, you've enjoyed watching a sullen Sly blow up everything in sight at one time in your life. Rambo wasn't supposed to get sequels. He wasn't supposed to be a pop culture phenomenon. He wasn't supposed to become a symbol of Republican military might. Well, those things happened anyway, and there wasn't a damn thing those redneck cops, the National Guard,  the Vietnamese army, the Soviet army or the Burmese army could do about it. Consider yourself drafted for the next couple of minutes, as I recap the rise of the biggest brand name in '80s action excess.

"First Blood"(1982)
Clint Eastwood, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Steve McQueen, Mickey Rourke, John Travolta and Nick Nolte all turned down the lead role in the adaptation of David Morrell's novel at various points in the 1970s. I'll bet they all would have worn shirts with sleeves. I'll bet they all would have kept those shirts on. Enter Sylvester Stallone, the mumbling, muscled-up megastar eager to take a break from battling Mr. T and Carl Weathers. Stallone saw Rambo as a much more sympathetic figure than Morrell did, and extensive rewrites reflected this, as well as emphasizing the action and removing his suicide(this unused ending can be seen on YouTube). Veteran character actor Richard Crenna replaced an uncooperative Kirk Douglas during preproduction(Spartacus saw himself as the star) to land his signature role as his former commanding officer Colonel Trautman. Brian Dennehy is equally memorable as the surly sheriff extremely adverse to scruffy drifters with large hunting knives.

   "First Blood" topped the box office for three weeks after it's October release, and thanks to the exploding early '80s aftermarket of video and cable, the film picked up even more fervent followers in the comfort of their own homes. Director Ted Kotcheff constructed a lean, mean thriller that deserves a mention every time the genre's finest offerings are discussed. The effect that Rambo had on Stallone's career can't be overstated- not only is this first outing the best action movie he ever made, it's success caused him to drop any pretense of being a 'serious' actor(even though he is very good here) that may have been lingering since "Rocky" upset the '76 Academy Awards. The MTV generation didn't want tears, they wanted total carnage, and Sly was poised to serve as one of the decade's chief providers.

This is what 1980s iconography looks like.

"Rambo: First Blood Part II"(1985)
The highest-grossing film in the franchise was unleashed, rather appropriately, on Memorial Day weekend, and featured it's statuesque star at the height of his improbable superstardom("Rocky IV" came out just six months later). Fun fact- James Cameron co-wrote this sophomore effort, but Sly stepped in to infuse patriotism and politics and extract the elements he didn't like(a proposed mental hospital opening and a young sidekick). Stallone had his finger on the pulse, and knew the real draw lie in the cathartic joy of watching Rambo refight the Vietnam War singlehandedly(we get to win this time). Julia Nickson is the closest we ever got to a love interest, and the Singapore beauty did a nice job in the role. Director George P. Cosmatos made the ultimate one-man-army movie, and that 37% on RT is merely the result of uptight critics sorely in need of some context. Would Schwarzenegger have killed as many people in "Commando"(70%) if not for Rambo's return to the jungle? I don't think so.

   "Part II" was the second biggest moneymaker of 1985, behind "Back to the Future", and THE biggest hit of Stallone's career to this very day. When President Reagan namedropped Rambo in a foreign policy speech, the character had entered a realm of cultural significance that few entertainment products can lay claim to. I'll bet you forgot that there was an animated series and a line of toys that put a dent in G.I. Joe's bottom line. John Wayne wishes he could wave the flag as intensely as John J. Just tell me where the next batch of bad guys are, and I'll be there with bells on.

"You take Dundee, I'll take Roger Rabbit".

"Rambo III"(1988)
Stallone got into the best shape of his life and tore through Soviet-occupied Afghanistan in the inevitable third installment, the most violent(and most expensive) movie ever made circa 1988, according to the Guinness Book of World Records. There's a few reasons that "III" underperformed in theaters despite these aesthetic upgrades and fan service- Sly's repetition wasn't limited to the gym as his popularity was beginning to wane, he was still portraying Russians as repugnant villains with the Cold War ending, and there was fierce competition at the ticket counter("Big", "Crocodile Dundee II", "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"). It has to be noted that the late '80s action apex known as "Die Hard" also came out that summer. John McClane was much more human(and more interesting) than Stallone's stoic creation. The writing was on the wall.

   "Rambo III" is satisfying enough for series devotees(Jerry Goldsmith's score and Peter MacDonald's direction are both high caliber), but there didn't seem to be any more demand for the chiseled Commie killer as we entered the 1990s. Why work out, when you can wear a fake muscle suit like Michael Keaton's Batman? Stallone didn't have an answer, as he gradually slid to fourth place in the action hero hierarchy behind Arnold, Bruce and Keanu. Rambo was looking like a relic from a bygone era where all you needed was blood and bullets, and a fourth film looked like an impossibility. The character was figuratively right back where he started, a lost soldier without a war. It may have taken awhile, but he WOULD find another one.

You're never too old to rip someone's throat out.

"Rambo"(2008)
Twenty years after he assisted those Afghan freedom fighters(an awkward plot device post-9/11), Rambo was back on the big screen where he belonged. Reenergized by the success of "Rocky Balboa"(and inspired by ugly real world events) Sly knew the time was right for a resurrection of his beloved Green Beret. Age is irrelevant, because Rambo is a force of nature, and that's never been truer than when he took a boat ride to Burma to wipe it's evil regime off the face of the earth. We should all thank Sly for pushing the R-rating as far as it can go as a director, while other hard-edged heroes went all PG-13 on us(take that, John McClane). This movie is brutal and unapologetically violent, and I mean that as a compliment. I'll take Rambo IV over "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" any night of the week.

   Stallone recently said that Rambo is officially retired. Can we really believe that he won't make a fifth eventually? The resurgent legend has a full plate, and "Last Blood" is unlikely, but as long as he's living and breathing, it could happen. If it doesn't, that's fine. Rambo is still one of the greatest characters in film history, and that's not nostalgia talking. It's a fact. You can look it up. Liam Neeson can kiss my ass, and Robert Downey Jr. isn't kicking anybody's without CGI. Rambo never needed that. He'll use his bare hands if he can't find his bow 'n' arrow. Now bow before John Rambo.

Updated Sept 2019

"Rambo: Last Blood"(2019)
Sadly, Stallone stumbles in his fifth and(hopefully) final adventure as filmdom's preeminent super-soldier. There seems to be an ideological battle breaking out between squeamish "liberal" critics and the character's coarse mostly-male fanbase(par for the course in Trump's America). I sit somewhere in the middle. The story had potential- a relaxed Rambo returns to his old ways when a friend's daughter is abducted by a vile sex trafficking ring in Mexico. But the 89-minute execution smacks of straight-to-DVD dross, with brutal bad guy deaths and very little else. I can't believe a talented director wasn't available to craft a classy epilogue for a pop culture icon. Adrian "Get the Gringo" Grunberg wasn't that guy.

   Rambo literally ripping the heart out of one his one-dimensional foes was just a step too far, even for a franchise never known for subtly(I hope you like beheadings). A dozen nameless henchmen are routinely and hastily dispatched at his heavily-boobytrapped Arizona ranch during the "Home Alone"-style finale. Some will enjoy the blunt carnage, others will have no desire for "Last Blood Part II". I'll be the least surprised person on the planet if Sly squeezes in a sixth film before his 80th birthday. He'll surely go one more round as Rocky first. Could Rambo ever receive a "Creed"-like relaunch, complete with a torch-bearing apprentice? They drew first blood...

Great Movies- Fatal Attraction

  
   Thirty years ago, Glenn Close and Michael Douglas were granted A-list entry, and men stopped cheating on their wives(for a little while). You know I'm talking about that late-'80s cultural phenomenon known as "Fatal Attraction". Director Adrian Lyne only made eight movies, but half of them achieved substantial success, which means this talented Englishman should be better known to general audiences. It makes no sense that he hasn't had a project come to fruition since 2002's "Unfaithful". Anyway, Lyne was hot in the mid-'80s, thanks to glossy hits like "Flashdance" and "9 1/2 Weeks". I could make a list of all the domestic thrillers that "Fatal" influenced, but there wouldn't be enough room in this article. Give yourself a gold star if you knew that Clint Eastwood told a similar story in 1971's "Play Misty For Me". Nobody remembers that, because "FA" dwarfs nearly every film in this genre, and is among the greatest films ever made. Don't believe me? Are you still bothered by that box office-friendly bathroom finale?? Keep reading.

   James Dearden's 1980 short film "Diversion", about an extramarital affair gone horribly wrong, was the basis for one of the decade's defining cinematic works. Producer Stanley R. Jaffe saw full-length potential, and hired Nicolas Meyer("Star Trek") to provide some padding for Dearden's script. Brian De Palma dropped out of directing the film in it's early developmental stages, because he wasn't sold on the acting ability of Michael Douglas, after the relatively unchallenging(yet popular and profitable) "Romancing the Stone" and it's sequel. Needless to say, he felt like a fool a few years later. Michael was with "Fatal Attraction" from the very beginning, and had the total support of Paramount exec Sherry Lansing- soon to be the most powerful woman in the industry for the next ten years. Her instincts were correct, as Douglas was able to make our wayward protagonist Dan Gallagher likable AND loathsome. For most performers, it's one or the other. If there was ever an actor that owned a year, Michael Douglas owned 1987, because he also unleashed Gordon Gekko on an unsuspecting public during the holidays. Incredible.

Lyne's long shots give many scenes an elegant, voyeuristic quality.

   Alright, I'm going on record to declare Alex Forrest the best female character of the 1980s. It's impossible to imagine anyone else in the role now, even though the studio had someone younger and more conventionally attractive in mind. The only problem with that plan was Close's audition, which blew all the twentysomething ingenues out of contention, and her age(39) would turn out to be an asset. Alex is a lonely, aging career woman with a ticking biological clock, and Close was too committed to the truth to play her as a straight-up home-wrecking psycho. That wouldn't be nearly as interesting for her or us, and this unexpected depth adds layers that probably weren't on the page. You'll have to look elsewhere for black-and-white heroes and villains.

   I love the look of twisted bliss on Dan's face after he gets to fuck someone OTHER than his wife and the mother of his young child. It's almost as if he's been waiting for an opportunity like this for years. He celebrates the victory by dancing passionately late into the night with an elated Alex. Men are so vile.

Have you ever done it in an elevator? How about in the kitchen sink? Lyne does a nice job of conveying the sweaty guilt-ridden depravity of adultery. Dan looks like he robbed a bank after banging Alex for two days. Her apartment building is appropriately dilapidated, for-shadowing her fractured mental state. An inferior movie(ya, know, most movies made today) wouldn't even be thinking about such details. Late production designer Mel Bourne was a three-time Oscar nominee.

   It's time to give Anne Archer some love, because Dan wasn't doing it enough. This is a lovely woman. Beth Gallagher deserved an affair of her own, and would have had no shortage of volunteers. Lyne is making a subtle statement about the male mindset- attractive females aren't any less likely to be cheated on. I like to think that I'd stay true to Beth, but a lot of men can't eat the same breakfast cereal every morning. Boredom is inevitable. There's a difference between being faithful, and not being able to get laid anywhere else. These are uncomfortable truths.

   Alex jokes about her father being dead, and the dirty duo bond over their shared affection for "Madame Butterfly"(more foreshadowing) during a sunny day together. Dan nonchalantly informs her that he has no intention of getting further involved(apparently, he found his conscience over a spaghetti dinner). Too late, Alex is in love. Dan has time for one last roll in the hay.

   There's no such thing as casual sex. Someone is always going to develop feelings, and that's when feelings get hurt. Close shows great vulnerability here, as she continues to flesh out Alex in ways that most actresses would not have been capable of. I think Cher should have to send her '87 Best Actress Oscar for "Moonstruck" to Glenn Close before they're both dead, because the Academy just plain got it wrong that year. The story is about to take an ominous turn.

   Alex slits her wrists in a desperate attempt to keep Dan from returning to his family. This is a startling moment, made even more so by the chilling score from Maurice Jarre("Lawrence of Arabia", Doctor Zhivago"). First-time costume designer Ellen Mirojnick went on to have a long career. She put Douglas in his "Wall Street" suspenders and Sharon Stone in her iconic white dress in "Basic Instinct".

Beware the woman in black.

   An invite to see "Madam Butterfly" is rebuffed, which leads to this heartbreaking visual. Alex knows that it's over. Or is it? Why should Dan get to ride off into the suburban sunset? He's a liar and a cheater. Sure, Alex is crazy, but he doesn't deserve a clean getaway. There's something bigger at stake here.

   There's few things more horrifying(speaking for all the cavalier men out there) than learning there's a baby growing inside the clingy bitch that you're trying to extract yourself from. Dan just wanted to have some fun. Now he's in hell. Lyne's stylish direction drives this point home, following the frazzled pair from a busy NYC street down into the subway. A literal and figurative descent.

   Oh my god. I'm as nervous as Dan, and I didn't even do anything. Is Alex really pregnant? Her dishonesty leaves me in doubt. It could easily be an elaborate lie to stay in his orbit a little while longer. Her shattered psyche makes that more than likely. She now has his new address and number.

   Here's a cool shot, to cap-off a great acting exchange. This is called 'escalation'. Dan just wants his normal family life back. But Alex won't be ignored. Her growing obsession and mind games threaten to destroy everything he holds dear. After watching this scene, I'm not sure whose side I'm on(Dan's anger and allusion to violence strips him of much of our sympathy), and therein lies the brilliance.

   Psychiatrists have cited the Alex Forrest character as an illustration of 'Borderline Personality Disorder'. More than half of all reported stalking cases/incidents were found to be the result of BPD. It's easy to label someone a "psycho", that way we don't have to think too much. I'd rather get to the bottom of it. Alex is nearing the point of no return, though.

   A tape recording filled with verbal abuse is one thing. Acid on a car is another. But that bunny didn't do anything to anybody. Lyne deserved the Best Director nod for milking these moments for maximum impact and suspense.

   Dan is forced to 'fess up(he knows who did this), and Anne Archer's reaction put her name on the Best Supporting Actress slate(Olympia Dukakis won that one, damn that "Moonstruck"). It also dictated to the audience exactly how the movie needed to end. Beth Gallagher will kill anyone who harms her family. Archer went on to play Jack Ryan's wife twice in the '90s(the Harrison Ford version), but never found another showcase for her talents quite like this, just in case you needed another reason to lament the lack of gender equality in Hollywood.

   If you knew that Dan and Beth's daughter(Ellen Hamilton Latzen) went on to join the Griswald clan in 1989's "Christmas Vacation", then congratulations, you're a movie buff. Taking Ellen Gallagher to an amusement park was a creepy and clever way to crank up the torment. Alex finds another line to cross.

   An enraged Dan forces his way into Alex's apartment and physically assaults her in this intense scene. It's difficult to say that she doesn't deserve it. No words, just a near-strangulation countered by a stabbing attempt. When the police are utterly useless, you just have to deal with your deranged two-night stand all by yourself. Dan ultimately backs off, but the climactic rematch would happen on his home turf.

   If you're a proud owner of the DVD, then you've seen this disturbing alternate ending. Alex commits suicide in graphic fashion, framing Dan for murder(his fingerprints are on that knife). Test audiences HATED it. Close deemed this conclusion consistent with her research, and had to be dragged back to film the real ending which we all know and love. "Fatal Attraction" is the 16th highest grossing film of the 1980s, and I probably wouldn't be writing this article if Alex had offed herself. This is the reason that studios are devoted to test screenings. We're literally talking about the difference between $156 million and $15.6 million here. This ending just doesn't sit well, and is nowhere near as satisfying.

   The public needed to see Alex's blood, and Beth needed to be the one to shed it, after Dan failed to drown her in the bathtub. Glenn Close conceded this point, after the fact. Sure, it's a 'Hollywood' ending, but last time I checked this was a business, and nothing happens without money. Art and commerce must co-exist, and I fully endorse Alex breaking into the Gallagher home in the middle of the night, and swinging a knife around their bathroom, and it doesn't turn her into a female Freddy Krueger. It DOES however, turn "FA" into one of cinema's premier thrillers and a cable mainstay in the decades to come.

   "Bad Influence", "Pacific Heights", "Sleeping with the Enemy", "Cape Fear", "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle", "Unlawful Entry", "Single White Female", "The Temp", "The Crush", "Mother's Boys", "Fear", "The Fan", "Swimfan", "Obsessed", "The Boy Next Door", "Acrimony". Some of these movies are entertaining, none of them are "Fatal Attraction". Eight straight weeks atop the box office AND six Academy Award nominations(including Best Picture). I honestly wouldn't mind having a girl like Alex get obsessed with me. Real life is boring. This was probably my Mom's favorite movie. We shouldn't discount the opinions of all the Moms out there, even though their voices aren't as loud as the Marvel-loving masses. We'll never see another adult thriller enter the zeitgeist with as much force as "Fatal Attraction". It's one of the world's greatest movies.