Franchise Review- Indiana Jones

   Legend has it that the two titans who gave birth to the 'summer blockbuster' in the mid-to-late '70s, Steven Spielberg("Jaws", "Close Encounters of the Third Kind") and George Lucas("Star Wars") were hanging out on a beach in Hawaii when Spielberg expressed his desire to direct a Bond movie. "I've got something better than Bond", was the alleged response of his bearded best friend(doesn't that story make you feel slightly bad about your own life?). Lucas handed him his 1973 rough draft for 'The Adventures of Indiana Smith', and that was the conception of one of cinema's preeminent heroes.

   After a name change and close call with Tom Selleck, the dynamic duo turned to none other than Han Solo himself to play the man in the hat and Harrison Ford began his decade-long reign as Hollywood's biggest matinee idol. Whether it was booby trapped caves, traitorous sidekicks, giant boulders, Nazis, snakes, large insects, a Thuggee cult, fire, rats, more Nazis, a nucleur blast, old age, or a Soviet army, there was simply nothing the durable Dr. Jones couldn't handle. Let's look back at the most lucrative franchise of the 1980s.

"Raiders of the Lost Ark"(1981)
Spielberg was looking to erase the memory of a rare failure(1979's "1941") by creating the ultimate escapist film, a throwback to the adventure serials of the 1930s with contemporary filmmaking technology/techniques. He far exceeded his goals. Whether or not it's the greatest action movie of all time is open for debate, but it's definitely the most important as most of what passed for action before 1981 just wouldn't cut it anymore. The bar had been raised significantly. Has any movie ever had a better first ten minutes? Harrison Ford IS Indiana Jones, a rugged archaeologist-adventurer and simply the coolest hero not named James Bond ever committed to celluloid. He battles Nazis on a globetrotting mission to retrieve a lost ark supposedly containing remnants of The Ten Commandments.
 
   Karen Allen is spunky and tough as his old flame Marion Ravenwood(more on her later) and there are at least half a dozen classic scenes. Modern cinema just doesn't come any more iconic than this. It was easily the top grossing film of the year and one of the defining works of an era with no shortage of crowd-pleasing entertainment and audiences worldwide clamored for an encore.

"Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom"(1984)
This prequel set in 1935 has our intrepid hero on a dangerous quest to find three sacred stones and rescue enslaved children from a bloodthirsty cult in India. Most fans agree that future Mrs. Spielberg Kate Capshaw is a weak link as Shanghai nightclub singer turned shrieking damsel in distress Willie Scott and eleven year old Jonathan Ke Quan was a tad irritating as Chinese orphan Short-Round. In the plus column though, the last half hour contains some of the best action in the entire series- the runaway mine car chase and the rope bridge sequence are the dazzling highlights.

   Spielberg wasn't comfortable with some of the darker aspects of the story that Lucas insisted upon(black magic and human sacrifice was apparently too much for the "E.T" director) and has stated numerous times that this is his least favorite Indy adventure. It was primarily responsible for the creation of the PG-13 rating, but recent events have cast this film in a much more favorable light(more on this later) and Spielberg had no reason to be apologetic for an expertly crafted thrill ride that was the second biggest hit of the summer(behind "Ghostbusters"). Nevertheless Steven told George that he wasn't moving ahead with a third film until he felt every element was 100% right which resulted in a five year layoff for Indy. It was worth the wait.

"Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade"(1989)
The search for the ultimate artifact, the Holy Grail propels what should have been the concluding chapter of the wildly successful adventure series(more on that later) and I don't think too many people will accuse me of going out on a limb when I say that it's every bit as good as the first. That's an even more impressive feat in the wake of newer franchises like "The Matrix", "Spiderman", and "Pirates of the Caribbean", which all struggled to maintain interest by the third installment. The late River Phoenix provided the basis for "The Young Indiana Jones" TV show of the early '90s in a memorable flashback intro as a teenage Indy, Harrison Ford is once again terrific in the role he was born to play, and the casting of Sean Connery as Indy's dad was truly inspired.

   From the moment the original 007 enters the picture to address his heroic son as 'Junior', this film is gold. We get an action sequence for every mode of transportation, a set-piece involving a tank that rivals the truck chase in "Raiders", and a finale that brings the saga full circle. Indy rode off into the sunset. It was the second biggest hit of the year behind Tim Burton's "Batman". There aren't many things in this life that are perfect, but this series as a whole came awfully close. It stayed that way for 19 years.

"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"(2008)
I'd like to think that Spielberg, Lucas, and Ford had their hearts in the right place when they reunited for this ridiculously belated fourth outing. I mean, these guys are rich enough, right? They did it for us. The fans. Well, I can safely say that I speak for the vast majority of the population when I say 'thanks for nothing'. My expectations were in check. After nearly two decades, there was no way this movie was going to be on the same level as "Raiders" and "Last Crusade", and I would have had no complaints if it had at least measured up to "Temple of Doom". Even THAT was too much to ask. The opening scene of the original was history in the making. The opening of this film added the phrase 'Nuke the Fridge' to the public lexicon, a rather dubious legacy in comparison. Sure, it made a lot of money but you'd have to be wearing thick rose-colored nostalgia glasses to call "Crystal Skull" an artistic success. There's bad CGI all over the place, Ford is a senior citizen, Karen Allen hasn't acted in fifteen years, the main villain is a female(?) and Shia LaBeouf is playing a character named Mutt Williams. He's Indy's long lost son. And what are Crystal Skulls exactly? Does anybody know or care?

   There's no reason to go any further. This was simply a heartbreaker that left older fans like myself shaking our heads in disbelief and a younger generation glad they grew up in the age of "Transformers". To his credit, LaBeouf  hit the nail on the head with his honest assessment of the movie that should have NEVER been made- "He's(Spielberg) done so much great work. But when you drop the ball, you drop the ball".

Franchise Review- Batman 1989-1997

   After recapping Chris Nolan's wildly successful trilogy, I'd be remiss if I didn't go back and discuss the incredible highs and painful lows that was the first set of Bat flicks. When most people thought of the Caped Crusader before 1989, the image of Adam West running around in blue tights was the first thing that sprung to mind. Anybody that doesn't think Tim Burton and Michael Keaton left an indelible mark on the DC legend(as well as the comic book film genre as a whole) is in desperate need of a history lesson. Those that don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it and Nolan had a significant advantage in knowing what NOT to do.

   Although Superman first took flight in 1978, THIS was the blueprint for the modern superhero movie. When you consider how cluttered the genre has become, "Batman" has to be considered one of the most influential films of the last quarter century. From Bat-mania to Batgirl, let's talk about the biggest franchise of the '90s.

"Batman"(1989)
After quirky hits like "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" and "Beetlejuice" put him on the map, then-28 year old director Tim Burton established himself as a major force in Hollywood with his third feature, the long-gestating big screen debut of the Caped Crusader(not counting the '66 Adam West film). The casting of comedic actor Michael Keaton in the title role initially caused an uproar among fans. The complaints stopped once they saw his quietly intense portrayal that immediately brought the beloved character back to his roots as a stoic vigilante stalking criminals on the city streets. It's common knowledge however, that Jack Nicholson stole the show as the maniacal, eternally grinning Joker who unleashes a massive reign of terror on all of Gotham City. When the three-time Oscar winner is doing his psycho shtick in white face paint and red lipstick, it's best to just stand off to the side. Caught in the middle of the collision is photographer Vicki Vale-she may be a damsel in distress, but Kim Basinger was unquestionably one of the era's most luscious leading ladies.

   Burton's gothic sensibilities and striking originality made him the perfect fit for the material and although the action comes in small doses, it's all meaningful and impactful. It's hard to accurately describe the hysteria that this film created to somebody that wasn't there. It was simply the biggest motion picture event since "Star Wars" and a sequel was every bit as inevitable as death and taxes.

 

"Batman Returns"(1992)
After cranking out "Edward Scissorhands" in the interim, Burton was labeled a genius and given full creative control over this second outing(goodbye Prince, hello missile-toting penguin army!). The result was quite possibly the most wonderfully warped summer blockbuster ever, with every frame brimming with the director's trademark inventiveness. Michael Keaton was back in black, but it's the villainous double act that takes center stage. Danny DeVito was terrific as the Penguin, a hideously deformed freak with a serious grudge against the citizens of Gotham. Michelle Pfeiffer was sensational as Catwoman, a ferociously feline force of nature that quickly develops a love/hate relationship with Batman.

   With Christopher Walken thrown in for good measure and Danny Elfman's epic omnipresent score, Burton fashioned a visually stunning and arguably superior sequel that nevertheless polarized viewers. The gruesomeness of the Penguin and Catwoman's S&M undertones sparked a backlash from parents that felt the film was not appropriate for their small children that ALL wanted to see it. Burton departed the franchise in 1993 after the studio insisted on a lighter, more kid-friendly third film, and Keaton soon followed. 'Burton went too dark' was the general consensus in '92. We now know that's the only way to do Batman, but Warner Bros had to learn it the hard way.

"Batman Forever"(1995)
Enter Joel Schumacher to make Batman 'fun' again. One ridiculous line lets us know right away that we're witnessing a very different interpretation of Gotham City("I'll get drive-thru"), not to mention the new sexy nippled Batsuit. I'm not even comfortable calling this part of the same series, because Michael Gough's Alfred and Pat Hingle's Gordon are the only links to Burton's films. Now they would just call it a reboot, but I don't think that word existed in 1995. To put it gently, "Forever" is a mixed bag. Val Kilmer finds some angst and torment, and is effective enough as Keaton's replacement in the cape and cowl. With his boundless energy and over-the-top persona, Jim Carrey seemed ideally suited to play the Riddler and managed a few creepy moments despite the joke-laden screenplay. But it's obvious that his partner in crime Tommy Lee Jones never picked up a comic book in his life, as he turns Harvey 'Two Face' Dent into a manic clown.

   Nicole Kidman was at the peak of her hotness as a criminal psychologist fixated on the Caped Crusader and Chris O' Donnell made a respectable Robin/Dick Grayson. It's just impossible to shake the knowledge that it all could have been better. MUCH better. There's a big misconception that this film was a failure. It actually made more money than "Returns" and people seemed happy with it at the time. The good feelings wouldn't last.

"Batman & Robin"(1997)
Why are we still talking about this disaster fifteen years later? Is it really any worse than "Daredevil","Spider-Man 3", "Fantastic Four" or "Green Lantern"? The answer is yes, it is. Schumacher continues his conversion of Gotham from a modest, gloomy metropolis to a preposterously neon, hellish version of the future straight out of a Dr. Seuss book. It's George Clooney in the cockpit of the Batmobile this time around(Kilmer was a prick) and he makes no effort to disguise his voice while in costume, while Arnold Schwarzenegger was strapped into a clunky, glowing monstrosity as Mr. Freeze and handed a list of winter-related puns instead of a script. Uma Thurman stops by in a series of elaborate Halloween costumes to deliver an extraordinarily campy portrayal of Poison Ivy.

   By the time the chick from "Clueless" suits up as Batgirl, it hardly matters. If you can make it to the finale to see the trio pictured above try to prevent Arnie from freezing the city, you're a stronger person than I am. After the obligatory huge opening weekend, deadly word-of-mouth put the film on ice and drove any more potential viewers into "Men in Black", which was playing down the hall. When it was all said and done, "B&R" did more damage to the Bat than his extensive rogues gallery could ever dream of.

Nicolas Cage Can Go to Hell

     I'm pleased to report that Nicolas Cage's latest film "Stolen" did not get a theatrical release in the United States. With a title and plot eerily similar to Liam Neeson's hit thriller "Taken", the public was spared another round of torture from the troubled star who seemingly parted ways with respectability about a decade ago("World Trade Center" is a noble exception). This is a small victory and we can only hope that's it's a sign of things to come and that the career of Francis Ford Coppola's nephew is mercifully coming to an end. I shouldn't have to inform anybody of how far this guy has fallen. It got to the point where I just started disregarding everything that he does. If Nicolas Cage's name is above the title, it can't possibly be any good, right? That "Bad Lieutenant" remake might have worked if he still knew how to act. I remember thinking that the two "National Treasure" movies were pretty decent, but I couldn't tell you a thing that happened in either one. I held off on giving Cage the blog beating that he so richly deserves for a couple of reasons and that's a) I don't think anyone cares about him and b) I don't like to kick a man when he's down. I'm doing it anyway, though because I don't think he should get up again.


     Once considered a quirky and cool actor, Cage was the hip alternative to the conventional leading man, capable of alternating between light comedies and dark dramas like "Raising Arizona" and "Wild At Heart". After reaching his artistic peak with a Best Actor Oscar win for "Leaving Las Vegas" in 1995, he set out to reinvent himself as an action star. Audiences had no idea when they plucked down seven bucks for "The Rock", "Con Air", and "Face Off" to see Cage kick ass that it would one day lead to a movie called "Kick Ass". Cage must have been really upset when he didn't get to play Superman in the '90s because he's been trying to make up for it ever since. He even named his son Kal-El. His bad judgment clearly isn't limited to movies. Earlier this year, he made good on his threat to produce a sequel to "Ghost Rider". In between those two ghastly outings, he inflicted more pain in "Bangkok Dangerous", Knowing", The Sorcerer's Apprentice", "Season of the Witch", and "Drive Angry". Cage's movies in the last five years were all about as eagerly awaited as a colonoscopy and were just as pleasant. Has any actor EVER made it more obvious that he's only working for the money? Was a blind man signing his checks?? It's been widely reported that Cage is in serious debt. He owes $6 million to the IRS. During his heyday, he purchased fifty cars, fifteen mansions, four yachts, and a private jet. He bought a dinosaur skull for $275,000. Moviegoers shouldn't have to pay the price for his idiotic indulgences.

    You root for most fading actors to climb out of movie hell and stage a comeback. It's not impossible. Mickey Rourke did it, but I don't see anything like "The Wrestler" coming out of Cage, and it would take nothing less to get back in our good graces. He callously squandered our trust, brought all his financial misfortunes on himself, and became a total clown in the process. The guy used to compete with Sean Penn in the acting stakes. Now he's somewhere below Ryan Reynolds and only slightly ahead of Steven Seagal. He's only relevant as a punchline. Saying that you're a fan of Nicolas Cage in 2012 is like saying that you like the smell of dog shit. Nobody likes dog shit and nobody likes Nick Cage anymore. If he ever makes "National Treasure 3" though, I've got a story line that might work. A despondent Cage can travel around in search of his missing fortune. He can look for clues in his recently foreclosed upon homes and find his expensive Elvis memorabilia, his classic comic book collection, and his dinosaur skull. I'd shell out seven bucks to see that.

Franchise Review- The Dark Knight

   With "The Dark Knight Rises" wrapping up it's theatrical run to the tune of nearly $450 million domestically and $1 billion worldwide, it's safe to say that Chris Nolan and company knocked it out of the park once again. You don't see too many blockbusters that break the bank AND earn the respect of critics. That used to happen a couple of decades ago, but now it seems like it's one or the other. Like his celebrated peers Steven Spielberg and James Cameron, Nolan found a way to pull it off more than once. "The Avengers" made more money this summer, but even the powers that be at Marvel have no illusions when it comes to quality comparisons. Nolan made comic book movies that delivered the thrills while providing intellectual nourishment and relevant real world themes. All the lofty praise is well deserved. Let's recap the greatest superhero film series of all time.

"Batman Begins"(2005)
Bat fans were cautiously optimistic when the director of the acclaimed thrillers "Memento" and "Insomnia" was hired to resurrect the Caped Crusader on the big screen. It sounded promising, but Joel Schumacher was a respectable filmmaker once too and the memories of the nippled nightmares he served up in the mid-to-late '90s were still fresh. We needn't have worried, though. This serious and grounded origin story focused on a young, emotionally scarred Bruce Wayne's journey toward fulfilling his destiny as the crime fighting legend. Christian Bale proved to be the most committed actor to don the cape and cowl and he couldn't have been surrounded by a classier ensemble. Michael Caine's Alfred, Gary Oldman's Jim Gordon, and Morgan Freeman's Lucius Fox are a rock solid support system.

   Nolan doesn't slack in the villain category either with Liam Neeson as Wayne's shadowy mentor turned nemesis Ras A Ghul and Cillian Murphy's creepy Scarecrow/Dr. Jonathan Crane. "Begins" isn't perfect- Katie Holmes is merely adequate as Bruce's longtime love Rachel Dawes and the chaotic, action-heavy climax isn't quite consistent with the restrained first half of the film. The masses were more than willing to overlook these flaws to have Gotham's savior back where he belongs, but little did we know that Nolan was just getting started.

"The Dark Knight"(2008)
"Empire Strikes Back", "Aliens", "Terminator 2: Judgment Day". All sequels that unquestionably topped their predecessors and Nolan's phenomenal follow-up to "Batman Begins" joined this elite group almost immediately. What more needs to be said about the late Heath Ledger's towering portrayal of the Clown Prince of Crime? It's one of those performances that becomes permanently ingrained in the public consciousness like Brando's Vito Corleone and Pacino's Tony Montana. The Best Supporting Actor Oscar seems insufficient. You almost feel a little sorry for the rest of the cast because they never had a chance of making a huge impression, but Maggie Gyllenhaal is a better actress than Katie Holmes and Aaron Eckhardt gives us a proper rendition of Gotham City's tragic DA Harvey 'Two Face' Dent.

   Bale's Batman has no limits and Nolan refused to stay within the normal limits of a comic book movie when he made an epic tale of crime and corruption with real drama and an unexpected level of darkness. The film took in a staggering $533 million at the summer '08 box office and it's been rumored that the Academy Awards made the decision to expand the field of Best Picture nominees to ten based on the mini-outrage sparked by TDK not being nominated. Could Nolan possibly match this extraordinary achievement? Would he even bother to try?

"The Dark Knight Rises"(2012)
We now know that the answer to both those questions is a resounding yes. It's extremely rare for a franchise to get bigger and better with each installment, but I'll be damned if it didn't happen here. Bale gives his best performance yet in the role as a battered Bruce Wayne is forced to awake from his eight year self-imposed exile to respond to Gotham's latest and perhaps greatest threat, the hulking terrorist brute Bane(Tom Hardy). Nolan wisely jumped straight to the only villain in the Batman rogues gallery capable of besting the Caped Crusader physically and Hardy's imposing and uniquely intimidating presence insures that we don't miss the Joker too much. Anne Hathaway doesn't erase Michelle Pfeiffer, but she's effective as Bruce's sultry and conflicted soul mate Selina 'Catwoman' Kyle. Joseph Gordon Levitt and Marion Cottilard round out the nice new additions while series stalwarts Caine, Oldman, and Freeman all happily returned to take their final bow.

   The action never lets up for the majority of the 2 hour and 35 minute running time and Nolan crafts a wholly satisfying conclusion to his Bat saga while simultaneously hinting at a new beginning. God help the cast and crew that gets handed the inevitable reboot.

The 70 Biggest Hits of the '70s

   I've put together a list of the seventy biggest moneymakers of the 1970s. Some of these figures weren't easy to find because box office results weren't widely reported back then. Now, they're like sports statistics, and that all started with the release of George Lucas' earth-shattering, game-changing pop culture juggernaut set a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. The summer blockbuster was officially born and the movie business was never the same. Oh, and Steven Spielberg's shark tale also had a little something to do with it. Hollywood starts to resemble a dictatorship when you look at the top earners for the next thirty years, with these two titans continuing to rule the roost. Many feel the '70s was one of the greatest decades in film. There are a total of nine Best Picture winners on this list. It's safe to say that will never happen again.


1. "Star Wars"(1977)............................................$322 million
2. "Jaws"(1975)....................................................$260 million
3. "Close Encounters of the Third Kind"(1977).......................$166 million
4. "The Exorcist"(1973).......................................$165 million
5. "The Sting"(1973)............................................$159 million
6. "Grease"(1978)................................................$153 million
7. "National Lampoon's Animal House"(1978)........................$141 million
8. "Superman"(1978)..........................................$134 million
9. "The Godfather"(1972)....................................$133 million
10. "Smokey and the Bandit"(1977)....................$126 million
11. "Blazing Saddles"(1974)..............................$119 million
12. "Rocky"(1976)..............................................$117 million
13. "The Towering Inferno"(1974).....................$116 million
14. "American Graffiti"(1973)............................$115 million
15. "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"(1975)..................$113 million
16. "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"(1975)......................$112 million
17. "Love Story"(1970).....................................$106 million
18. "Kramer vs. Kramer"(1979).........................$106 million
19. "Every Which Way But Loose"(1978)........$106 million
20. "Jaws 2"(1978)..........................................$103 million
21. "Airport"(1970)...........................................$100 million
22. "Saturday Night Fever"(1977)....................$100 million
23. "Heaven Can Wait"(1978)............................$98 million
24. "The Poseidon Adventure"(1972)...............$93 million
25. "The Amityville Horror"(1979).....................$86 million
26. "Young Frankenstein"(1974)........................$86 million
27. "To Fly!"(1976).............................................$86 million
28. "Rocky II"(1979)...........................................$85 million
29. "The Goodbye Girl"(1977)...........................$83 million
30. "Star Trek: The Motion Picture"(1979).........$82 million
31. "Alien"(1979).................................................$81 million
32. "MASH"(1970)................................................$81 million
33. "Fiddler on the Roof"(1971)........................$80 million
34. "A Star Is Born"(1976)..................................$80 million
35. "Earthquake"(1974)......................................$79 million
36. "Apocalypse Now"(1979)..............................$78 million
37. "Hooper"(1978)............................................$78 million
38. "The Muppet Movie"(1979)...........................$76 million
39. "10"(1979)....................................................$74 million
40. "The Jerk"(1979).........................................$73 million
41. "The Rescuers"(1977).................................$71 million
42. "Moonraker"(1979)......................................$70 million
43. "All the President's Men"(1976).................$70 million
44. What's Up, Doc?"(1972).............................$66 million
45. "The Electric Horseman"(1979)..................$61 million
46. "Patton"(1970)..............................................$61 million
47. "The Omen"(1976).......................................$60 million
48. "The Godfather Part II"(1974)......................$57 million
49. "In Search of Noah's Ark"(1976)..................$55 million
50. "The Aristocats"(1970).................................$55 million
51. "Dawn of the Dead"(1978)..........................$55 million
52. "Papillon"(1973)..........................................$53 million
53. "King Kong"(1976)......................................$52 million
54. "The China Syndrome"(1979)....................$51 million
55. "The French Connection"(1971)................$51 million
56. "A Bridge Too Far"(1977)..........................$50 million
57. "Dog Day Afternoon"(1975).......................$50 million
58. "Revenge of the Pink Panther"(1978).......$49 million
59. "Shampoo"(1975)........................................$49 million
60. "The Deer Hunter"(1978)..........................$49 million
61. "The Deep"(1977).......................................$47 million
62. "The Spy Who Loved Me"(1977)..............$47 million
63. "Halloween"(1978).....................................$47 million
64. "The Enforcer"(1976)................................$46 million
65. "Deliverance"(1972)..................................$46 million
66. "The Way We Were"(1973)......................$45 million
67. "Foul Play"(1978)......................................$45 million
68. "The End"(1978).......................................$45 million
69. "Up In Smoke"(1978).................................$44 million
70. "Love at First Bite"(1979).........................$44 million

*2,104 films were released in the 1970s. But who's counting?

The 80 Biggest Hits of the '80s

   Here's the list of the eighty biggest moneymakers of the 1980s. I like to break everything down by decade, it's easier and more fun than getting bogged down trying to adjust everything for inflation. I'm happy to provide all this useless information for you to dazzle friends and family with. The friendliest alien ever, "E.T." went unchallenged for the number one spot and raked in a mind-blowing $399 million(keep in mind, this happened IN 1982). Steven Spielberg cemented his status as a legendary hit-maker with four films in the top ten, turning Harrison Ford into the Eighties' premier leading man in the process. Elsewhere, George Lucas wrapped up his original "Star Wars" trilogy to massive box office returns, Michael Keaton made quite a splash as the original Caped Crusader, and brash SNL alum Eddie Murphy laughed all the way to the bank and we were all laughing right along with him. Yeah, things sure have changed. So which generation had the best movie-going experiences? I don't know about you, but I wish I could take a spin in Doc Brown's Delorean and revisit this glorious time.


1. "E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial"(1982)...........................$399 million
2. "Return of the Jedi"(1983).........................................$263 million
3. "Batman"(1989).........................................................$251 million
4. "Raiders of the Lost Ark"(1981)...............................$242 million
5. "Beverly Hills Cop"(1984).........................................$234 million
6. "The Empire Strikes Back"(1980).....................................$222 million
7. "Ghostbusters"(1984).................................................$221 million
8. "Back to the Future"(1985).........................................$210 million
9. "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade"(1989).............$197 million
10. "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom"(1984)....................$179 million
11. "Tootsie"(1982)........................................................$177 million
12. "Top Gun"(1986).....................................................$176 million
13. "Crocodile Dundee"(1986)....................................$174 million
14. "Rain Man"(1988)...................................................$172 million
15. "Three Men and a Baby"(1987)..............................$167 million
16. "Fatal Attraction"(1987).........................................$156 million
17. "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"(1988).....................$154 million
18. "Beverly Hills Cop II"(1987)...................................$153 million
19. "Rambo: First Blood Part II"(1985).......................$150 million
20. "Gremlins"(1984)....................................................$148 million
21. "Lethal Weapon 2"(1989).......................................$147 million
22. "Look Who's Talking"(1989).................................$140 million
23. "Platoon"(1986)......................................................$138 million
24. "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids"(1989).........................$130 million
25. "An Officer and a Gentleman"(1982)....................$129 million
26. "Coming to America"(1988)..................................$128 million
27. "Rocky IV"(1985)..................................................$128 million
28. "Good Morning, Vietnam"(1987).........................$124 million
29. "Rocky III"(1982)...................................................$123 million
30. "On Golden Pond"(1981).....................................$119 million
31. "Back to the Future Part II"(1989).......................$118 million
32. "The Karate Kid Part II"(1986)............................$115 million
33. "Big"(1988)..........................................................$113 million
34. "Ghostbusters II"(1989)......................................$112 million
35. "Twins"(1988).....................................................$111 million
36. "The Little Mermaid"(1989)...............................$110 million
37. "Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home"(1986)...........$109 million
38. "Crocodile Dundee II"(1988).............................$109 million
39. "Terms of Endearment"(1983)..........................$108 million
40. "Superman II"(1981).........................................$108 million
41. "Driving Miss Daisy"(1989)..............................$106 million
42. "Porky's"(1982)................................................$105 million
43. "9 to 5"(1980)....................................................$103 million
44. "Stir Crazy"(1980)...........................................$101 million
45. "Parenthood"(1989)........................................$100 million
46. "Dead Poet's Society"(1989)............................$96 million
47. "Arthur"(1981).................................................$95 million
48. "Flashdance"(1983).........................................$95 million
49. "The Color Purple"(1985)...............................$94 million
50. "When Harry Met Sally"(1989).......................$93 million
51. "Back to School"(1986)....................................$91 million
52. "The Karate Kid"(1984)....................................$90 million
53. "Trading Places"(1983)...................................$90 million
54. "Out of Africa"(1985).....................................$87 million
55. "The War of the Roses"(1989).......................$87 million
56. "Aliens"(1986).................................................$86 million
57. "Stripes"(1981)...............................................$85 million
58. "Steel Magnolias"(1989)................................$83 million
59. "Die Hard"(1988)...........................................$83 million
60. "Airplane!"(1980)..........................................$83 million
61. "Police Academy"(1984)...............................$81 million
62. "Moonstruck"(1987).....................................$80 million
63. "Footloose"(1984).........................................$80 million
64. "The Golden Child"(1986)..........................$79 million
65. "Wargames"(1983)......................................$79 million
66. "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan"(1982).....$78 million
67. "48 Hrs."(1982)...........................................$78 million
68. "The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!"(1988).......$78 million
69. "Cocktail"(1988)........................................$78 million
70. "Poltergeist"(1982)....................................$76 million
71. "Romancing the Stone"(1984).................$76 million
72. "Star Trek III: The Search for Spock"(1984).....$76 million
73. "The Untouchables"(1987)........................$76 million
74. "Cocoon"(1985)..........................................$76 million
75. "The Jewel of the Nile"(1985)........................$75 million
76. "Beetlejuice"(1988)....................................$73 million
77. "The Cannonball Run"(1981)................$72 million
78. "Ruthless People"(1986)..............................$71 million
79. "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation"(1989)...........$71 million
80. "Any Which Way You Can"(1980).......$70 million

*2,651 films were released in the 1980s. But who's counting?

The Biggest Flops of All Time- The '80s

   Moviemaking is a giant gamble. Unless Batman and the Joker are involved, there's simply no guarantee that profits will pour in on opening weekend. If a thirty-something Steven Spielberg isn't making decisions on the set, there's absolutely no telling what you'll get. For every "Ghostbusters", there's a dozen financial busts that we DON'T revisit on cable a couple times a year. I'm pausing "The Empire Strikes Back" to burrow through my extensive archives and bring you the ten biggest flops of the 1980s in the order of their(overlooked) release.

"Heaven's Gate"(1980)
Director Michael Cimino, hot off his 1978 Best Picture winner "The Deer Hunter", found his fortunes radically reversed with this reviled Western 'epic'- the most resounding failure the industry had EVER seen circa 1980. It's since been suggested that Cimino should have to give back his Oscar, after three hours and thirty-nine minutes of pointless meandering, set against the (mostly-fictional) backdrop of 'The Johnson County War' of the 1890s. Kris Kristofferson, Christopher Walken and Jeff Bridges watched helplessly as the unrecoverable budget swelled to $44 million(it's $3.5 million gross bankrupted United Artists). "Gate" became a cautionary tale for overly-ambitious filmmakers with unchecked egos, as the fabled artistic freedom of the 1970s fell in favor of the studio's carefully-constructed crowd-pleasers. The era of self-indulgent directorial excess was officially over.

"Supergirl"(1984)
And you thought "Superman III" and "IV" were bad. The embarrassing adventures of Clark Kent's cousin set the female superhero sub-genre back about twenty years. A 20 year old Helen Slater brings blue-eyed blonde beauty and little else to her not-so Supergirl, while Faye Dunaway parted ways with the A-list as a campy witch villainess worthy of the '60s "Batman" TV show. "Jaws 2" director Jeannot Szwarc has them fighting over a random hunk(Hart Bochner), a puerile plot that couldn't even pull in preteen girls. Producers Ilya and Alexander Salkind were deservedly dropped into the Phantom Zone as "Beverly Hills Cop" crushed Kara Zor-El at the ticket counter, a $20 million loss that kept the feet of all involved in this fiasco firmly on the ground.

"Revolution"(1985)
With the obvious exception of a certain iconic gun-toting, coke-snorting Cuban, the '80s was a difficult decade for Al Pacino. He largely struggled to maintain the standards of excellence he set with FFC and Sidney Lumet, and the immense pressures even drove him into a four-year hiatus following the release of "Chariots of Fire" director Hugh Hudson's historical heartbreaker. The American Revolution is ripe material, but Al just seems too contemporary for the 1776 setting, and his needless voiceover narration took viewers(all eight of them) out of the movie immediately. Hudson's battle scenes never bother "Braveheart", and the disastrous box office($360,000 on a $28 million budget) meant that junior high history teachers would be subjecting sleepy students to "Ghandi" instead.

"Howard the Duck"(1986)
The first chink in George Lucas' armor was this wildly ill-fated comic fantasy about a wisecracking, extraterrestrial duck who crash lands on Earth and befriends a young female rock 'n' roll singer(Lea Thompson). The legendary "Star Wars" creator didn't direct, but he was the producer and driving force behind the first movie ever based on a Marvel comic(no wonder it took nearly fifteen years for their key properties to reach the big screen). It wasn't easy to forget the noisy special effects, clumsy plot, awful dialogue and Marty McFly's mom getting intimate with a child actor in a duck suit(a horrified Thompson broke out in tears at the film's premiere). It's gotta be tough going straight from one of the decade's best films into one of it's worst. "Howard" laid a massive egg at the box office, and legend has it that two Universal Studios executives got into a fistfight in the aftermath. They both should have taken a swing at the 'genius' who later gave us Jar Jar Binks.

"Pirates"(1986)
It's extremely rare for an expensive effort from a top-tier filmmaker to be totally and completely forgotten. Well, that's exactly what happened to the shipwrecked shit-fest that left me wishing Roman Polanski had been apprehended by U.S. authorities. It's unclear whether the exiled "Chinatown" director intended to make a serious movie. If so, Walter Matthau was woefully miscast as the scruffy seafarer at it's center(Roman's first choice Jack Nicholson wisely refused). I have a much greater respect for what Johnny Depp did after watching this grumpy old man gargle indecipherable dialogue for two hours. Heck, I'll take "Cutthroat Island" over this cock-up. "Pirates" walked the plank in July of '86, taking over $30 million and a chunk of Polanski's credibility with it.

"Ishtar"(1987)
The second-biggest money drain of the decade behind Hell's Gate, teamed two A-list leading men that looked like they had a lot more fun fumbling around in Morocco than anyone in America had watching it. Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman are Oscar winners that like to get PAID, and that's how a comedy about struggling musicians in the Middle East ended up costing WAY more than "Predator" and "Robocop"(both released the same summer). The problem is it made A LOT less, and Columbia execs were deeply displeased with the overpaid pair. Hoffman's card-counting abilities rapidly restored his respectability a year later, while Warren had to wait until 1990's "Dick Tracy" to make the late night jokes stop. Director Elaine May("The Heartbreak Kid") never called the shots on another film.

"Leonard Part 6"(1987)
In recent years, there's been mounting evidence that Bill Cosby might be a bad man. Yet while the rest of the world waits for the TV titan to face the music for(allegedly) drugging and raping scores of wannabe starlets, I'm still waiting for charges to be filed over the equally felonious spy spoof that begs a reevaluation of his long, storied standing as one of the late 20th Century's kings of comedy. When I was seven years old, I knew this wasn't funny. The Cos couldn't even pull "Part 6" off in the middle of his sitcom peak, painfully illustrating why he rarely strayed from the relative safety of the small screen(he saved all future straying for his wife). Fun fact- Bill is rumored to have bought the TV rights to "Leonard", making it his one skeleton that stayed buried.

"Caddyshack II"(1988)
This top contender for the title of worst sequel of all time didn't lose as much $$$ as some other films listed here(it made roughly $12 million on a $20 million budget), but it inspired a level of hatred that may trump every one of them. There's never been a kind word spoken about "Caddyshack II". In fact, it's considered so unholy and evil, that it's barely been spoken of AT ALL in the last 25-plus years. Chevy Chase was the only returning cast member from Harold Ramis' much-loved golf comedy willing to sell his soul to this lazy, laugh-free enterprise, while Dan Aykroyd did some early reputation-ruining of his own in a cringe-inducing attempt to fill the void left by his pal Bill Murray. Speaking of voids, are there any Jackie Mason fans out there? I didn't think so.

"Mac and Me"(1988)
I know "E.T." was the biggest movie of all time and imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but this is ridiculous. Is there a more blatant knock-off in film history? Spielberg could have sued if this calamitous carbon copy had actually made money. Mac(Mysterious Alien Creature) is our wrinkled puppet protagonist and he enjoys MacDonald's, Skittles and Coca-Cola(a more erroneous example of product placement, you will not find). If only enough kids had enjoyed his suburban hijinks to kickoff the sequel that producers had the nerve to announce in a pre-credits sequence. Fortunately, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" massacred "Mac" at the '88 summer box office, sending this abysmal alien out of our orbit for all eternity.

"Red Scorpion"(1989)
Moviegoers paid the price for(briefly) embracing muscle-bound Swede Dolph Lundgren. Ivan Drago was fun and all, but the fifty-or-so starring roles that followed left me feeling like Apollo Creed in the second round of what was supposed to be an exhibition. The public's complete rejection of this sweaty, rancid "Rambo" rip-off couldn't call off plans to position the mumbling, monotone mauler into a poor man's Arnold Schwarzenegger. Dolph's Soviet Spetsnaz superman didn't draw a crowd during the most action-friendly era in history, making the likes of Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme look like world-beaters by comparison. The producers of "Scorpion" were soon seeing red, with a $4 million gross on a $16 million budget.

More huge flops

"Brainstorm"(1983)
"Dune"(1984)
"Legend"(1985)
"Red Sonja"(1985)
"Malone"(1987)
"Masters of the Universe"(1987)
"Rent-a-Cop"(1987)
"Switching Channels"(1988)
"Pink Cadillac"(1989)
"We're No Angels"(1989)