It saddens me to type a eulogy, as does the realization that there's a legion of uneducated "Transformers"-loving youngsters that probably have no idea how awesome this series was in a previous cinematic age. I'm so grateful that my childhood included a remorseless android with an Austrian accent taking out his own eye and tearing through Los Angeles on a Harley, and Robert Patrick's liquid metal mercenary doing things your mother didn't want you to see yet. That's right, movies were RATED R when I was a kid and it was absolutely wonderful. Let's go back in time and recap this sensational saga.
"The Terminator"(1984)
It's hard to believe that bearded braggadocios James Cameron was once just a 28 year old outsider stung by a dismal debut(1981's "Piranha II")as he feverishly fleshed out a cool script about a killer robot. Well, believe it, because that was the genesis(no pun intended) of the most revered fantasy filmmaker NOT named Steven Spielberg or George Lucas. He worked wonders with an economical $6.5 million budget and got a little help of course, from the monosyllabic mountain of muscle pictured above. What more needs to be said about Arnold's immortal infiltration unit? To say that the seven-time Mr. Olympia owes a large part of his subsequent success to this role would be an understatement. Linda Hamilton's waitress-turned-warrior Sarah Connor is equally celebrated in some circles, and the battered heart that Michael Biehn brought to exposition-spouting soldier Kyle Reese never got enough credit. Their tragically brief tryst is the undersold emotional core of an exhilarating, expertly-executed work of escapism.
Despite the sheer quality on display, "The Terminator" was not a huge box office hit nor was it released in the summertime. The T-800 was unleashed on an unsuspecting public in late October, and like "Blade Runner" and "First Blood", it was one of the first films to attract more eyeballs in the exploding aftermarket of video and cable than it did during it's initial theatrical run. An enthusiastic fan-base of bloodthirsty young males emerged, prodding a now-red hot Cameron to craft an epic encore.
"Terminator 2: Judgment Day"(1991)
The greatest sequel of all time(yeah, I said it) roared into theaters on the Fourth of July weekend and surpassed it's near-perfect predecessor in nearly every respect. Think about that for a moment. In the seven years that separate these two films(which btw would NEVER happen today), Arnold became set in stone as a hulking hero in popular titles such as "Commando", "Predator", "Twins", "Total Recall" and Kindergarten Cop", making it nearly impossible not to root for him. Cameron realized this right away and brought the big guy back on board as the protector of a preteen John Connor, impressively played by newcomer Edward Furlong. A ripped-and-ready Linda Hamilton startled viewers with a previously unrivalled showing of female ferocity, and Robert Patrick's terrifying T-1000 was an instantly iconic showcase for a soon-to-be-omnipotent new technology known as CGI. It's difficult to do this film justice in a pithy paragraph. It truly was a cinematic event complete with a toy line, and coupled with 1986's "Aliens"(just as jaw-dropping), is the humongous height of Cameron's creative powers.
"T2" was the highest-grossing film of the year, and represents Schwarzenegger's peak as an action icon. He had a few more hits, most notably 1994's "True Lies"(also directed by Cameron), but the misses became more noticeable and frequent as the decade drew to a close("Jingle All the Way", "Batman & Robin", "End of Days"). The finality felt by audiences in the summer of '91 meant little to the fading legend because there was only one entity capable of undoing the damage done by "Collateral Damage", even if it had to be done with an all new set of collaborators.
"Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines"(2003)
Arnold was the sole returnee in the "Terminator" team(besides Dr. Silberman) for this belated third installment that now faced an upstart "Matrix" series in the bombastic battle for the sci-fi fantasy crowd. A few crappy quips aside("Talk to the hand"), ol' Schwarznegger slid very comfortably back into his trademark leather duds to dance with a bad female terminator(Kristanna Loken) in this last hurrah before his erstwhile political career beckoned. I shouldn't have to tell anyone that James Cameron set sail with Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in 1997, taking the all-time box office title from "Star Wars" and a boatload of Oscars, allowing "Breakdown" director Jonathan Mostow to capitalize on his disinterest in revisiting past glories by jumping in the driver's seat. Nick Stahl doesn't totally convince as the savior of mankind(Eddie Furlong was umm, busy) and Linda Hamilton's absence is certainly felt, but Claire Danes is a nice consolation as JC's future wife Kate Brewster.
There will always be people that say any "Terminator" film not helmed by it's cocksure creator is a vastly inferior product and they're not wrong, but "T3" deserves some respect for a wildly expensive crane chase and a bleak, dare-I-say-bold ending(Judgment Day is inevitable) that puts Connor on a clear path toward his destiny. This film took in a healthy $150 million in the summer of '03, despite the 12 year gap and Cameron's semi-retirement. Excited producers saw a new beginning, and a brand that could morph like it's shape-shifting villains into another titanic trilogy without ANY of it's original players. Not so fast...
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| "Get me the fuck outta here!" |
"Terminator Salvation"(2009)
The future is here and the war with the machines is every bit as scary as Kyle Reese used to describe it, but only because the director of "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" was somehow handed the reigns of a still-viable franchise("The Sarah Connor Chronicles" got respectable ratings for Fox in '08). That has to go down as one of the early 21st century's biggest blunders, and Christian Bale's infamous offscreen rant is more compelling than anything he did onscreen as the messianic leader of the Human Resistance. "The Dark Knight" star was duped into headlining a doomed production that saw it's follow-up plans cancelled almost immediately.
"TS" plays like a dreary ripoff of "Transformers", and Michael Bay had the market cornered on rock 'em, sock 'em CGI robots("Revenge of the Fallen" took $402 million that summer). Sterile, weightless PG-13 video game-style action is all this generation knows, and the unfortunate trend briefly gave rise to hacks like McG. We should all take solace in the fact that this clown never called the shots on another big budget film and is back on the periphery of the industry where he belongs. It should be noted that James Cameron ended a long hiatus to blow our minds again with "Avatar" later that year, which also featured Sam Worthington(it didn't make him a star either). The Terminator's antiquated endoskeleton was hardly indestructible in this increasingly FX-heavy world.
"Terminator Genisys"(2015)
Skynet just won't leave the past alone and neither will Hollywood, as "Thor" director Alan Taylor becomes the latest(and likely last) hired gun to stage a bastardization of the beloved benchmark. This film's altered timelines are about as appealing as the prospect of female ghostbusters, and I think I speak for all loyal fans of the property when I veto the gross mishandling of an established mythology. Arnie's aged Terminator provides some comforting familiarity in the middle of a messy narrative, but Emilia Clark's "Game of Thrones" fame doesn't mean a thing to me(I'm not a TV guy), and her one-dimensional gun-toting can't hold a candle to the genre-defying depth that Linda Hamilton brought to Cameron's classics. We care about Jai Courtney's Kyle Reese about as much as we cared about him in that other franchise killer "A Good Die to Die Hard"(way to go, Jai), and the less said about the halfway point reveal(spoiler alert!) of an evil John Connor(Jason Clark), the better.
Is "Genisys" worse than "Salvation"? It's a toss-up, but the apathetic response to both films should serve as a warning to unimaginative studio execs that can't stop hitting the reset button on towering titles from yesteryear regardless of their current relevance. It won't, and speaking of titles, couldn't they have AT LEAST spelled 'genisys' right? I know it bothered me. Most of today's popcorn flicks do. Someone get me a time machine and set it to 1984.
Updated Nov 2019
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| Linda and Jim are on good terms. |
"Terminator: Dark Fate"(2019)
Linda Hamilton is back for the sixth episode of the thirty-five year old franchise...or THIRD, if you choose to politely play along with "Deadpool" director Tim Miller(he's erased the last three films from existence). Early box office reports indicate that he shouldn't have bothered distancing himself from those "bad" Terminator movies. "Dark Fate" will soon be joining them for different reasons. So, John Connor doesn't matter anymore? Say it ain't so, James Cameron(the legendary series architect was involved, seemingly from a great distance). Mackenzie Davis and Natalia Reyes are our politically correct protagonists for a Mexico City-set smackdown with the sinister Rev-9(Gabriel Luna)- the latest, most advanced model you-know-what. A few decent set-pieces and a visit with Arnold's amiable T-800 "Carl", couldn't reawaken a weary, increasingly confused fan-base that stopped caring more than a decade ago. The fall phenomenon known as Joaquin Phoenix's "Joker" didn't make it any easier to engage with today's teens and twenty-somethings.
"Terminator 3" shit on Sarah Connor, "Dark Fate" shits on John Connor. We're right back where we started. Will the next "Terminator" movie retcon this one? Will Cameron continue to tease us with his half-hearted endorsements??"DF" will earn less money than the much-maligned "Genisys". In other words, it's a catastrophe. Hasta La Vista, baby.
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