Great Movies- Pulp Fiction

Thirty years ago today,

The Worst Movies I Have Ever Seen Vol. IV

1. "Cannibal Holocaust"(1980) It took me a long time to watch this notoriously-violent Italian found-footage exploitation film. It's reputation preceded it. I'm here to tell you not to ever bother. Sexual assault, violence toward animals, and of course, cannibalism all takes place in this Amazon rainforest. A sick, revolting piece of trash.

My god. This "sequel"(there's no narrative connection) to the 1986 oddity earns every bit of it's reputation

Jason

What a dog.

If you had asked my 14 year old self to name the worst movie ever made, I might have pointed the finger at cult comic Chris Elliott's first AND last starring role. Elliott got his showbiz start working for late-night legend David Letterman, who lent writer/director Adam Resnick to a doomed production(and the short-lived sitcom "Get a Life"). This is 80 minutes of pure misery.

Pain is precisely what I felt during this Damon Wayans military school comedy that's somehow worse than "Blankman".

While we're at it, Steven Seagal and Keenan Ivory Wayans were a match made in hell in this wildly-inept actioner that felt ten years too late. Perhaps, the worst buddy cop film ever created.

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I think it's pronounced "Jason Ten", but this montrosity doesn't deserve to have it's name said correctly.

Newsflash- Jamie Kennedy is NO Jim Carrey! I don't think anyone needed to be told that. The 1994 original is a triumphant fusion of manic comedy and clever FX. "Son of the Mask" is, you guessed it, a soulless cash-grab and one of the most depressingly awful sequels of all time.

Clive Owen and Jennifer Aniston are both badly miscast in a sloppy thriller that keeps piling on the absurdities.

Mary Steenburgen is lovely, but I had a strong negative reaction to the rest of this dreadful dance drama that doesn't ring true on any level. I think the world would too, if anyone knew that it exists. Robert Carlyle, Marisa Tomei, John Goodman, and Donnie Wahlberg are wasted here as well.

Samuel L. Jackson says the intention was always to make a cheesy "bad" movie. Congratulations, Sam.

Halle Berry

Director James Wan( would do better.

This senseless sequel to the 2006 turkey is the cinematic equivalent of brain damage and should be kept far away from impressionable minds. Jason Statham, if you happen to ever read this, you fucking suck, dude. As soon as I finished this foul-up, I destroyed the DVD.

25. "The Fanatic"(2019) I like John Travolta, even though he's become a regular on these lists. I wish I could clean up his filmography. This insanely ill-conceived stalker drama was directed by "Limp Bizkit" frontman Fred Durst(WTF?), and is infinitely worse than his "Gotti" misfire from the year before. A flailing JT just hasn't been the same since "Battlefield Earth", and was in badly in need of career advisers as he searched in vain for another comeback. An absolute embarrassment.

R.I.P. James Earl Jones 1931-2024

The Year in Review- 2004

It was the year Clint Eastwood and Hilary Swank got ready for a fight and Leonardo DiCaprio took flight with Martin Scorsese. Mel Gibson got crucified, Jamie Foxx was blind, and Alexander Payne taught us about wine. Spiderman and Shrek owned the summer box office while the artsy crowd got caught up with Jessie and Celine. Here are the ten best films in order for 2004.

1. "Million Dollar Baby"(2004) Clint Eastwood staked his claim as possibly the biggest living legend in Hollywood with the staggering one-two punch of "Mystic River", and the greatest boxing movie this side of "Rocky" and "Raging Bull". The sheer quality of the man's directorial output is enough to put him in rarified air, even if you erased his movie star run from the previous four decades. A crusty Clint guided Hillary Swank to her second Best Actress Oscar(the first was for "Boys Don't Cry"), as she infused her unlikely pugilist Maggie Fitzgerald with believable strength and a disarming sensitivity. Morgan Freeman reached his artistic peak as their punchy, gym-dwelling sidekick, before he seemingly lent his dignified presence to every project put in front of him. The gut-wrenching third act, which I won't spoil for those unenlightened readers that still haven't seen it(shame on you), overcame mild controversy to knock out some stiff competition at the Academy Awards for the coveted Best Picture and Best Director(Eastwood) statues.

2. "The Aviator"(2004) An high-minded Leonardo DiCaprio formed a fateful alliance with his directing hero Martin Scorsese in the year 2000, as he set out to permanently silence naysayers and make his limiting pin-up boy reputation a distant memory. The titanic hunk spread his acting wings as Howard Hughes, in this briskly-paced 170-minute biopic that covers the aviation pioneer's life from the late 1920s to 1947. Hughes became one of the wealthiest men in the world during this period, and his brief glory included forays into moviemaking and relationships with various starlets, before crippling bouts with OCD led to a reclusive and painful descent. Cate Blanchett won the Best Supporting Actress Oscar and confirmed her standing as a fantastic female performer by channeling another one, Hughes' most celebrated conquest, Katharine Hepburn.

3. "Sideways"(2004) Paul Giamatti and Thomas Haden Church are both excellent as aging best pals with wildly-dissimilar approaches to life and love in another low-key instant classic from writer-director Alexander Payne("Election", "About Schmidt"). Their bittersweet trip through California's wine country is alternately funny and moving, and the fact that neither man was a marquee name, should have worked against it. Instead, wine sales actually increased because of Jack and Miles(not Merlot, though). Payne's intelligence and unique insights made "Sideways" an Oscar dark horse and one of the year's most pleasant surprises. Virginia Madsen(also an underappreciated non-"star") was nominated for her melancholy waitress.

4. "Spider-Man 2"(2004) This spectacular sequel is not only a high point for the Spidey series but the entire overstuffed genre as well. It seems to be a rule that the second film in a superhero franchise is often the best, as the filmmakers are more confident in the knowledge that the public has embraced the characters and world they established the first time around(see "Superman II" and "Batman Returns"). Director Sam Raimi continues to derive inspiration from 1960s comics as Peter Parker realizes the heavy toll that crime-fighting has taken on his personal life. Can he have a relationship with Mary Jane(Kirsten Dunst) AND stop the destructive Doc Ock(Alfred Molina)? From Tobey Maguire's affecting angst to Alvin Sargent's tight screenplay to a show-stopping elevated train sequence, this remains the "Spider-Man" movie to beat.

5. 'Kill Bill: Vol. II"(2004) The Bride is back, in the superior sequel to Quentin Tarantino's epic comeback/revenge fantasy. QT's kung fu wet dreams were brought to life in memorable fashion in 2003, and it's a huge testament to the strength of the Tarantino brand that audiences ate up all four blood-splattered hours and asked for more. Uma Thurman was injured on her path to immortality, as her focused heroine finally gets around to killing Michael Madsen, Daryl Hannah, and the elusive title character himself, David Carradine. Hardly a straighforward affair, 'Vol. II" has surprises and juicy dialogue aplenty that sealed our devotion to the "Pulp Fiction" writer-director. The long-rumored "Vol. III" seemed like a sure thing(sigh).

6. "Before Sunset"(2004) Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy did something remarkable when they reunited nine years after their refreshing yet largely-forgotten 1995 romance "Before Sunrise". They talked. And they talked. Then they talked some more. Richard Linklater's laidback stroll through Paris struck a chord with melancholic romantics, and such dazzling wordplay is the real special effect in an early 21st Century marketplace. Like all good sequels do, it made the original even better, and the critical groundswell meant we got to meet up with Jesse and Celine a third time in 2013's "Before Midnight". One of modern cinema's greatest couples was officially born.

7. "Shrek 2"(2004) Moviegoers may be all Shreked out, but in 2004 we couldn't get enough of this swamp-dwelling green ogre and his Scottish accent. DreamWorks animation's greatest asset became a box office behemoth that summer, ultimately becoming the third highest-grossing film of the decade(behind "Avatar" and "The Dark Knight"). His pop culture-peppered trip to Far, Far Away may not be as timeless as the 2001 original, but there's still some big laughs in this $150 million sequel(wow), thanks to the awesome vocals of Mike Myers and Eddie Murphy and returning director Andrew Adamson. Oh, and the scene-stealing Puss in Boots, perfectly-voiced by Antonio Banderas, making a spin-off inevitable. A third installment promptly arrived, with much less creative energy, in 2007.

8. "The Passion of The Christ"(2004) Nine years after his Oscar-winning triumph "Braveheart", Mel Gibson got back behind the camera for the ultimate umm, passion project, and the results were impossible to predict. It turned out that the martyred exploits of William Wallace were merely a warm-up, as the intensely-personal "Christ" came to represent a seismic shift in the public's preception of Gibson. The handsome and popular star of countless hits in the '80s and '90s morphed into a provocative figure, unafraid to enthusiastically discuss his faith- a topic that most celebs wisely shy away from. You don't have to share his beliefs(or condone any drunken rants) to recognize that this is an extraordinary piece of filmmaking. A graphically-violent depiction of the last twelve hours in the life of Jesus(a committed Jim Caveziel) told in a dead Aramaic language? Christian zealots weren't the only ones swarming the theater, but only mad Mel could tell you if the $370 million domestic box office was worth the chilly blowback.

9. "Ray"(2004) The emergence of Jamie Foxx as an acting force was another one of the big stories of 2004. The same year that he took on a villainous Tom Cruise in "Collateral", Foxx was the total embodiment of the legendary Ray Charles, making the Best Actor race something of a no-brainer(sorry, Leo). His transformative mannerisms allow viewers to fully accept the former "In Living Color" star in the role of the blind, piano-playing pioneer before he even embarks on his soul-music career in the 1950s. Director Taylor Hackford("An Officer and a Gentleman") follows the standard biopic formula with lengthy detours into drug abuse and womanizing, but the central performance is more than enough to keep the film(and the audience) humming along.

10(tie). "Hotel Rwanda"(2004) Don Cheadle's brave hotelier saves the lives of a thousand African refugees during a 1994 genocide that went curiously underreported despite the loss of a million lives and the presence of 24-hour news channels(I guess the OJ Simpson saga was more interesting). The power of film turned our attention to those tragic three months in a devastating drama that earned comparisons to "Schindler's List". If director Terry George wasn't virtually unknown, "Rwanda" might have seen similar treatment during an awards season dominated by the media-made Eastwood-Scorsese rivalry. The world turned a blind eye to these atrocities, and I'm not proud to say that I barely knew it happened. You shouldn't be, either.

10(tie). "Finding Neverland"(2004) A post-"Pirates" Johnny Depp took a break from swashbuckling to make a brief return to the kind of quiet, unassuming characterizations that endeared him to the masses in the first place, before the pull of blockbuster booty proved too difficult to resist. Depp is London playwright J.M. Barrie whose platonic relationship with a single mother(the lovely Kate Winslet) and her five boys inspired the creation of his classic "Peter Pan" in 1903. You're likely to be just as caught up in the whimsy as young Freddie Highmore, who also brightened up Depp's next endeavor "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". Marc Foster("Monsters Ball") directs.

Honorable Mentions- "Miracle"(2004) Kurt Russell coaches the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team. "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"(2004) Jim Carrey can't get over Kate Winslet. "Man on Fire"(2004) Denzel Washington defends Dakota Fanning. "Mean Girls"(2004) This Tina Fey-scripted comedy is Lindsay Lohan's legacy. "The Machinist"(2004) Christian Bale was committed to his craft. "Hellboy"(2004) Gillermo del Toro comes to our attention. "Troy"(2004) Brad Pitt is Achilles in Wolfgang Petersen's historical epic. "13 Going on 30"(2004) Jennifer Garner is a charmer in this comic fantasy. "Napoleon Dynamite"(2004) Cult comedy about a high school nerd. "Van Helsing"(2004) Hugh Jackman is a CGI vampire hunter. "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"(2004) Did Alfonso Cauron direct the best one? "The Terminal"(2004) Steven Spielberg strands Tom Hanks at the airport. "The Notebook"(2004) Rachel McAdams(and every other female) falls for Ryan Gosling. "King Arthur"(2004) Antoine Fuqua directs the Disney version of the Dark Ages. "I, Robot"(2004) Will Smith + sci-fi= $$$.

"Garden State"(2004) Natalie Portman had Zack Braff looking like the next Woody Allen. "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy"(2004) Will Ferrell's funniest movie? "The Clearing"(2004) Willem Dafoe kidnaps and kills Robert Redford. "Supersize Me"(2004) McDonald's is bad for you. "Fahrenheit 9/11"(2004) George W. Bush was bad for you. "The Door in the Floor"(2004) Jeff Bridges and Kim Basinger are a depressed Long Island couple. "The Bourne Supremacy"(2004) Paul Greengrass makes Matt Damon an action icon. "The Manchurian Candidate"(2004) Denzel Washington and Jonathan Demme remake the '62 Frank Sinatra flick. "Collateral"(2004) Tom Cruise is a stone-cold hitman for Michael Mann. "Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement"(2004) Garry Marshall and Anne Hathaway gave Disney a hit sequel.

"Melinda and Melinda"(2004) Is life a comedy or a tragedy? "Shark Tale"(2004) DreamWorks Animation goes underwater. "Vera Drake"(2004) does illegal abortions in 1950 London. "Friday Night Lights"(2004) Billy Bob Thornton and Texas high school football. "The Incredibles"(2004) Pixar presents a family of superheroes. "Alfie"(2004) Jude Law is a womanizer. "Kinsey"(2004) Sex education with Liam Neeson. "National Treasure"(2004) Nic Cage is a Disney do-gooder. "The Polar Express"(2004) Robert Zemeckis and Tom Hanks pioneer motion-capture technology. "Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason"(2004) Is it better than the first one. "Closer"(2004) Julia Roberts, Jude Law, and Natalie Portman in Mike Nichols' brutal relationship drama. "Splanglish"(2004) Adam Sandler gets(semi) serious with James L. Brooks. "The Woodsman"(2004) Kevin Bacon is a recovering pedophile. "Meet the Fockers"(2004) Robert De Niro and Ben Stiller are joined by Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand in this huge hit sequel. "The Assassination of Richard Nixon"(2004) Sean Penn lights up this little-seen 1974-set indie as psycho salesman Samuel Byck. "Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events"(2004) Jim Carrey is Count Olaf.

R.I.P. Donald Sutherland 19-2024

The world was saddened to learn of the death of Donald Sutherland

A Critical Reevaluation- Wolf

Thirty years ago today, O.J. Simpson led the LAPD on a low-speed chase in his white Ford Bronco to precipitate the most surreal, insanely-obsessed over news story of the 1990s. Over on the East Coast, the NY Rangers were celebrating with the Stanley Cup. No wonder Jack Nicholson's new whiskers weren't coming up at the watercooler. "Wolf" seemingly had everything going for it, and was expected to be one of 1994's most-talked about films. That didn't happen. "Forrest Gump" happened. "Speed" and "The Lion King" happened. As a 14 year old boy, I was intrigued by a sexy trailer image of the Joker and Catwoman in a passionate embrace. "Wolf" was definitely for grown-ups, with it's measured pace, publishing-house politics, and melancholic themes about aging and loss of vitality. The film didn't totally flop financially- $131 million was generated worldwide by it's starry leads($65 million in the U.S), but it was largely forgotten in the years that followed. When it entered the afterlife of HBO/Cinemax in '95, I realized something the rest of the world needs to know. "Wolf" is actually amazing.

Jack is surprisingly subdued as sad-sack editor Will Randle, which may have disappointed those expecting an encore of "The Shining"(Stanley Kubrick turned down the directing job) or the show-stopping histrionics of "A Few Good Men". This subversion of expectations ultimately works in the wolfman's favor. How many guys over age fifty are filled with energy and vigor? Jack is one of the few actors in history than can hold your attention with a simple look, and he's blessed with a killer supporting cast. I hope I don't have to tell you that Michelle Pfeiffer was sent from heaven to make Hollywood productions better, and she brings all her beauty and class to Laura Alden, the pouty rich girl and Will's unlikely love interest. Nicholson and Pfeiffer make the most of their witty exchanges, building on a screen relationship that began with "The Witches of Eastwick". There's a version of this movie that focuses more on her hardbitten character. I think we'd all watch that.

But Pfeiffer has a worthy rival for screentime in "Wolf". James Spader is a slimy young corporate creep that also turns into one. Okay, sign me up. I'm sold. I need the DVD nearby at all times, in case streaming availability ever becomes an issue. As if Pfeiffer and Spader weren't enough, the film features an atmospheric Ennio Morricone score and the talents of Christopher Plummer, Kate Nelligan, Richard Jenkins, and David Hyde Pierce("You're my God"). Don't blink or you'll miss a David Schwimmer cameo, the same year that "Friends" premiered.

Oh, and this guy. I have to call attention to Indian actor Om Puri as the spooky decrepit doctor that owns a seven-minute scene with Jack. I assume he's been studying supernatural wolf transformations and sightings for sixty years. It feels good to be a wolf. Power without guilt, love without doubt. Will won't bite him, though. This movie is awesome.

Rick Baker, the greatest make-up man of all time, continues what he started in 1981's "An American Werewolf in London"- the John Landis classic routinely cited as the highpoint of this subgenre. Like Landis, Mike Nichols("The Graduate") wasn't an obvious choice to direct. Nicholson had been nursing Jim Harrison's script since the early '80s, before landing on his "Carnal Knowledge" pal. Rewrites from Wesley Strick("Batman Returns") and Elaine May helped draw Pfeiffer to the project.

"Wolf" has a wild third act designed to appeal to summertime audiences. Most of it's 125-minute runtime is quiet and restrained, a scary movie for people who don't like scary movies. Nichols ditches subtlety for some demon-wolf action that trumps anything in "Twilight". I'm hear to tell you that "Interview with the Vampire" wasn't the only elegant horror film in 1994. As I age and grapple with irrelevance, I'm certain that Will Randle's old-guy insecurities will register even more, but I'll just have to get by without a rejuvenating animal bite and a much younger girlfriend. Nicholson hasn't worked since 2010, and his long absence from movies makes "Wolf" more special(sadly, Nichols died in 2014). So, take a break from monotonous 21st Century IP and fire up this hidden gem the next time it's on Tubi. You'll be howling at the moon.