A fun cast(Tim Curry, Christopher Lloyd, Madeline Khan) couldn't put this frantic board game adaptation on my nostalgic '80s playlist. Was it Professor Plum, Colonel Mustard, or Miss Scarlett? For my money, Lesley Ann Warren is the standout of a messy murder mystery with three endings, that I didn't remember or care about three days later.
Jon Cryer dyes his hair and goes back to high school in this odd, uneven comedy-thriller that was supposed to make Duckie a movie star. It didn't happen. "Maxwell Hauser" is really a 27 year old stockbroker hiding from the mob. I mistakenly watched this movie multiple times as an eight year old with an HBO/Cinemax addiction.
Rebecca DeMornay blew it. Stardom once seemed inevitable for the blonde "Risky Business" beauty. This lame "Police Academy" rip-off about female FBI trainees, kept her and SNL alum Mary Gross far from the A-list.
Gary Oldman and Dennis Hopper should have been a potent pair(they share no screentime in "True Romance"). So, why has nobody on Earth seen this 1950s-set mental hospital drama? The dark recesses of free streaming sites Pluto and Tubi
This Tribeca turd vanished without a trace shortly after it's limited release, despite a Robert De Niro appearance and producer credit. Robert Wuhl, as a failing Hollywood filmmaker, simply doesn't have leading man appeal. Martin Landau and Danny Aiello couldn't even energize the proceedings. Actor Barry Primus directs for the first and last time.
Joe Pesci is a hairy, homeless eccentric that teaches Brendan Fraser and his Harvard friends(Patrick Dempsey, Moira Kelly) some valuable life lessons. This is a well-intentioned movie that I didn't buy for one minute, and Pesci's broad performance is often grating. Madonna gifted her music video director Alek Keshishian with a hit theme song- the radio-friendly "I'll Remember" is the only thing you will.
Mangold
Charlie Sheen shoots for movie stardom one last time in this limp sci-fi thriller, that didn't have a chance in the summer of "Twister", "Mission Impossible", and "Independence Day". It was off to rehab and sitcom salvation for the aging bad boy. Don't confuse this with the Amy Adams-Denis Villeneuve alien movie that arrived twenty years later, in 2016.
G Toro takes too long to show us something good. I was bored for at least an hour.
You can call it a guilty pleasure. I'll call it something else. The fourth episode in the killer doll saga gave baby-voiced Jennifer Tilly her 'best' role, and beat Oprah Winfey Oscar bait "Beloved" at the October box office. A small victory, that would ensure it's pint-sized protagonist(Brad Dourif) gained nostalgic entry into the 21st Century. Director Ronny Yu would return to garbage horror with "Freddy vs. Jason".
James Woods joins the worst Baldwin brother(Daniel) for this John Carpenter crud, the "Halloween" writer-director's only financial success in the '90s. A respectable worldwide gross wasn't enough to wash away "Escape from L.A." and JC's semi-retirement was imminent. At least Terry Silver(Thomas Ian Griffith) landed another screen credit as umm, a vampire.
My 20 year old self was supposed to love this glossy Jerry Bruckheimer junk. I must have been getting a little smarter. Cool criminal Nic Cage must steal 50 cars in 72 hours in Long Beach, California in a loose remake of the 1974 flick that nobody saw. Fast cars and a blonde, badass Angelina Jolie isn't enough for anyone with a functioning brain.
Sequel king Eddie Murphy(ten and counting) just can't stop ruining a good thing. The 1996 original was his comeback/comedic rebirth. "The Klumps" were uninvited dinner guests as we entered the new millenium. A sloppy, stupid, vulgar cash-grab that sullied the memory of a true triumph. One of the few bright spots- Janet Jackson's inescapable, deceptively-sweet soundtrack contribution "Doesn't Really Matter". REPEAT, DELETE
A still-blonde Angelina Jolie is torn between tabloid fame and legit movie stardom in this lukewarm comedy about.
Farrell
I should have liked this movie. Claire Danes plays an angelic heroine, Michelle Pfeiffer plays a villainous witch, Robert De Niro plays...never mind. The problem is I grew up with "The Princess Bride". Matthew Vaughn's fantasy adventure feels forced and flat, by comparison.
What's with Jennifer Aniston's movie career? It's over-populated with flops, yet she remained super-famous. Sparks didn't fly with A E in a romcom as lame as it's title. This movie can't even get play on Valentine's Day.
Robert De Niro and Ben Stiller
Jeff Bridges and Ryan Reynolds were shooting blanks in this shite adaptation of the equally-short-lived 1999 comic book. The "Rest In Peace Department" was roundly rejected, despite it's "Ghostbusters" meets "Men in Black" ambience, a villainous Kevin Bacon, and an advantageous July release. With a $78 million worldwide gross on a $130 million budget, this is one of the decade's biggest busts.
Whew. This title alone did me in. It's only 81 minutes, you say? The next time you see it on your Disney+ menu scroll, keep moving.
Every November/December brings
Sequel king Eddie Murphy(ten and counting) just can't stop ruining a good thing.
This MMA drama has a fierce, fit 53 year old Halle Berry believably at it's center, and very little else going for it. The script and supporting cast is abysmal. Berry, who also directed for Netflix, appears to have poured all her energy into the climactic cage battle. Instead of the nominations she was clearly fighting for, her filmography takes another beating.
I know what you're thinking, hear me out. The original 2014 "Wick" was a lean and low-key 101 minutes. During this padded, pretentious fourth outing of the unlikely Keanu Reeves/Chad Stahelski franchise, I was having a hard time remembering what was once cool about the Continental. There are two good action scenes, and I was bored to tears by the remaining two hours and change.
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