Legends- John Hughes 1950-2009

John Hughes is one of the most iconic creators in Hollywood history, and would have been 70 years old in 2020(and still working in some form or fashion) if not for a fatal heart attack in August 2009. Growing up in Michigan and Illinois, Hughes described himself as a quiet kid with a secret passion for art and music. And Gordie Howe's Detroit Red Wings(see Cameron Frye). After dropping out of college, his huge writing talents couldn't be contained to National Lampoon's humor magazine in the 1970s, so movie screenplays was the inevitable next step. Hughes was a human film factory at his peak, with an astounding 29 features as writer, director, or producer from 1982-1997(it's important to note that he only directed eight of them). I'm leaving 1983's "Savage Islands" and 1998's "Reach the Rock", two obscure, hard-to-find films off the list you're about to read, because they aren't comedies and don't really represent the Chicago legend. So, please enjoy my John Hughes rankings in order of quality and importance. There's simply no one like him today.

28. "Home Alone 3"(1997) So, what's the worst John Hughes film? It's gotta be #3, the long-forgotten, painfully-unnecessary threequel that a teenaged Macauley Culkin passed on when he retired from acting in the mid-'90s. A misguided Hughes rewrote his script for an all-new cast of characters, led by eight year old Alex D. Linz of "One Fine Day" fame. Is there anything nice to say? Scarlett Johansson got some more experience in front of the camera. Otherwise, this is a dopey infantilization that doesn't deserve any relation to the iconic 1990 original. Somehow, Roger Ebert enjoyed it more than the first two. He was literally the only one on Earth.

27. "National Lampoon's Class Reunion"(1982) Or maybe the worst Hughes movie is the first Hughes movie. A 1972 high school reunion is the set-up for a black comedy that fell way short of it's inspiration, 1978's "National Lampoon's Animal House". I didn't go to my reunion. I'm skipping this one too.

26. "Baby's Day Out"(1994) Hey, what if we did "Home Alone" with a nine-month old? That was the extent of Fox's cynical plan at the tail-end of the Hughes era in Hollywood. The $48 million budget is a testament to the brand he built, but this live-action cartoon isn't much better than the Youtube videos that you're little ones make you suffer through. Baby Bink(Jacob and Adam Worton) had no chance against "Forrest Gump" in July '94, and with the exception of the odd meme, has mostly faded from memory. I'll bet Joe Mantegna and Joe Pantoliano, slumming as the bozo bad guys, are glad.

25. "Career Opportunities"(1991) Even bad movies can have bright spots, like a 19 year old Jennifer Connelly riding a mechanical horse. The Hughes factory was relentless by '91, but "Career Opportunities" didn't make Ferris Bueller-wannabe Frank Whaley a star or leave any other lasting impression. A glorified 83-minute ad for red retailer Target, even Hughes disliked the "cheap, vulgar" finished product. John Candy's store manager supplies the film's sole chuckle.

24. "Flubber"(1997) Hughes was done by 1997, and it has to be noted that the last few films that bore his name were produced from a great distance. The retired boomer wrote this goofy remake of "The Absent-Minded Professor" before his self-imposed exile, in which an overworked Robin Williams experiments with bouncy green goo. Dean Cundey's cinematography, Danny Elfman's score, and the U.S. box office($93 million) indicates that some people left Les Mayfield's film feeling like they had a good time.

23. "National Lampoon's European Vacation"(1985) Amy Heckerling replaced Harold Ramis as the director of this second Griswald adventure, a development that Chevy Chase admitted to being unhappy with. That lack of harmony is part of the reason that "European Vacation" is easily the least successful installment of the '80s comedy trilogy(Hughes had nothing to do with 1997's "Vegas Vacation"). Still, it's another summer with Clark and company, and wasn't completely devoid of memorable moments("Look kids, Big Ben...Parliament.").

22. "The Great Outdoors"(1988) An obnoxious Dan Aykroyd ruins John Candy's quiet summer getaway in this overly-familiar odd-couple family comedy. I should like this movie more than I do, considering I saw it in the theater when I was eight. There's some fun to be had at their Wisconsin cabin, thanks to hungry raccoons, a 96-ounce steak, a legendary bald grizzly bear, and the "Land of a Thousand Dances". Wait a minute, maybe this movie is a classic, after all. A 29 year old Annette Bening makes her film debut as Aykroyd's annoying wife.

21. "Dennis the Menace"(1993) Six-year old blonde troublemaker Mason Gamble beat out 20,000 other boys to play the title character in this critic-proof adaptation of the Hank Ketcham comic strip that began in 1951. Walter Matthua is marvelous as grumpy old Mr. Wilson(he had a great 1993), and Christopher Lloyd disappears into the role of the grimy crook clearly meant to evoke Harry and Marv. Like those great actors, Jerry Goldsmith's score is better than the material deserves. "Dennis" grossed $117 million worldwide, and has appeared on Netflix's most-watched list as recently as 2020.

20. "She's Having a Baby"(1988) Kevin Bacon and Elizabeth McGovern are a young newlywed couple struggling to cope in this middling self-explanatory comedy, the sixth Hughes directorial effort. "Baby" is good enough to make you wish it was better, but failed to recoup it's budget in the wake of "Baby Boom" and "Three Men and a Baby". That's a lot of babies. In a year in which he appeared in five films, a busy Alec Baldwin steals his scenes as Bacon's best friend. This is not essential Hughes.

19. "Weird Science"(1985) Is Kelly LeBrock's computer babe essential Hughes? This oh-so-'80s cult comedy was written in two days(wow) and banged out concurrently with "The Breakfast Club". "Science" was a late summer sleeper(but not exactly a GOOD movie) that introduced Robert Downey Jr. and birthed Oinga Boingo's most successful single and a mid-'90s TV series. Oh, and there's Anthony Michael Hall, who has Hughes to thank for one of the great teen actor runs of all time.

18. "101 Dalmatians"(1996) Woof, woof. Glenn Close camps it up as the dog-hating villainess immortalized by Disney in 1961. I feel like the world forgot about this movie, and director Stephen Herek("Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure", "The Mighty Ducks"). Well, I was there and it happened. Close and her Anthony Powell attire are the obvious draw. The 2000 sequel was produced without any involvement from Hughes.

17. "Beethoven"(1992) Charles Grodin's last significant role was this grumpy patriarch of a suburban brood that falls for a runaway St. Bernard. A surprise hit, Hughes cranked out the script for Universal under his pseudonym, "Edmond Dantes", perhaps to sidestep the expected wrath of unamused critics. "Beethoven" was embraced by families of the era, don't bother with any dogshit sequels.

15, 16. "Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink"(1984,1986) I should just come right out and say that I was never a big Molly Ringwald guy. His teenage muse was never better than average, and her momentary success is a testament to his brilliance. He could have cast almost any girl in the same age range and gotten the same results. How many Molly movies can you name after 1990? I rest my case. Hughes made his directorial debut with "Candles", and handed "Pink" over to his protege Howard Deutch. Jon Cryer's endearing Duckie gives the latter film the edge. "SC" has come under fire from revisionist critics, perhaps deservingly so, for a date-rape joke and the unfunny Long Duk Dong(Gedde Watanabe) character.

14. "Mr. Mom"(1983) Hughes was inspired to write about a "disastrous" experience he had taking care of his two small kids in the absence of his wife, a can't-miss premise that caught the attention of TV titan Aaron Spelling and upstart producer Lauren Shuler(Donner). How many egoless men out there are secure enough to devote their afternoons to supermarkets and soap operas and stand behind their breadwinning wives? Teri Garr was a star during this period, and the overachieving Caroline Butler was really the talented blonde's last good part. Most of "Mr. Mom" is sitcom stuff, but it did provide a big opportunity for a 30 year old Michael Keaton, proving himself a viable leading man in between loads of laundry. That has to count for something.

13. "Curly Sue"(1991) The last film that Hughes directed(he never really loved the process) was calculatedly marketed as another surefire family blockbuster in the hope that nine-year old Alisan Porter would catch on as Macauley Culkin's kid sister. It didn't happen, and critics were against just about every '90s Hughes project that wasn't "Home Alone". With that being said, this semi-serious tale of a homeless hustler(James Belushi) and his precocious daughter is harmless enough and may even please the kids in your life on a boring schoolnight. Kelly Lynch costars as the hot lawyer/love interest that only exists in the movies.

12. "Miracle on 34th Street"(1994) Richard Attenborough is an all-time Santa Claus, and Mara Wilson is low-key the best child actress of the '90s. With that being said, this cute remake of the 1947 classic didn't click with Clinton-era audiences, opening at #8(ouch) and finishing with only $17 million in the U.S. Time has been kinder to Cole's department store's Kris Kringle(Macy's politely declined), and plenty of families have since put this version in their holiday rotation. Not-so-fun fact- Hughes quietly moved back to Chicago in the wake of this film's disappointing box office and the death of John Candy, essentially ending his career.

11. "Dutch"(1991) An obvious reworking of the "Planes, Trains & Automobiles" formula, this Thankgiving road trip was a cable favorite of mine, and the underrated chemistry of Ed O'Neill and the comically evil Ethan Embry got them a short-lived "Dragnet" revival a decade later. It's class warfare between a would-be father and stepson, and "Dutch" deserves consideration every November that you're too drained to know what to watch. Let's hope that it's streaming availibility remains, which wasn't the case for a few years there.

10. "Some Kind of Wonderful"(1987) Howard Deutch's best film? I think so. Eric Stoltz is a shy teen trying to win over the girls of his dreams(Deutch's soon-to-be wife Lea Thompson) in this likeable high school comedy. Critics pointed out the plot recycling from previous Hughes-Deutch collaboration "Pretty in Pink", but I can't be alone in thinking that "Wonderful" works even better. Mary Stuart Masterson, Elias Koteas, Craig Sheffer, and John Ashton make up the colorful supporting cast.

9. "Only the Lonely"(1991) Four films were released in 1991 with the 'John Hughes' label, but this is the only one that he didn't write. Actually, it's the only film on this list that he didn't write. Hughes got involved as a producer on behalf of his "Home Alone" partner Chris Columbus, and was likely instrumental in securing the services of John Candy and Ally Sheedy. This is a sweet movie with a scene-stealing Maureen O'Hara who hadn't worked in twenty years. Like it's lovelorn cop-hero Danny Maldoon, "Lonely" is longing for your attention.

8. "Uncle Buck"(1989) John Hughes and John Candy worked extremely well together. There's an alternate reality where the two collaborated on a dozen films that kept getting more serious and interesting(but perhaps not the cancelled Sylvester Stallone team-up that came close to happening after "Curly Sue"). Lazy bachelor Buck Russell is easily one of Candy's best roles, and topped the box office for three weeks at the end of the highly-competitive '89 summer. If you had basic cable in the '90s, you watched this movie a hundred times. A short-lived sitcom had nothing to do with Candy or Hughes.

7. "Home Alone 2: Lost in New York"(1992) This inevitable sequel was the second-biggest moneymaker of the year(behind "Aladdin") and is honestly just as enjoyable if you can get past the implausibility of Kevin McCallister meeting up with the Wet Bandits again. Big Mac lives it up at the Plaza Hotel, befriends a pigeon lady(Brenda Fricker), and turns New York City into his personal playground. Name another family movie where a fifth grader throws bricks from a roof. You can't. Shout out to Tim Curry's uptight concierge, the Talkboy, Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern's stunt-doubles(Troy Brown and Leon Delaney), and director Chris Columbus. "HA2" was really the last time Hughes had the public's full attention. Believe me, it was as big as any superhero movie.

6. "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation"(1989) This enormously popular threequel has achieved an "It's a Wonderful Life"-like visibility in the last six weeks of the year. One could even argue that it's surpassed Frank Capra's classic with today's young people who just can't be bothered with anything made in the 1940s. Hughes couldn't have possibly predicted how much Clark Griswald's Christmas lights and overbearing relatives would still resonate in the 21st Century. Director Jeremiah S. Chechik was blessed with a big cast- Beverly D'Angelo, Juliette Lewis, Johnny Galecki, Doris Roberts, Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Randy Quaid is a riot in the role that he would never live down.

5. "National Lampoon's Vacation"(1983) Is the original even better? It's a toss-up, but I give the slight edge to the Griswald's first outing because it's screenplay was the real launchpad for Hughes. I don't think anything happens without it. Fun fact- Chevy Chase and director Harold Ramis decided that the film worked best with Clark as the clear protagonist, a deviation from the conception that focused more on son Rusty. With all due respect to Hughes and Anthony Michael Hall, it was the right call. From Christie Brinkley to Walley World and all the black comedy in between, this movie looks and feels like the early '80s, but it's still very funny.

4. "The Breakfast Club"(1985) Hughes was responsible for a handful of masterpieces, and this may be the first one. All-day detention with a brain, a jock, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal in the consensus #1 high school movie(Ferris rarely went). Emilio Estevez, Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall, and Ally Sheedy are forever indebted to Hughes for their place in film history. How is Judd Nelson so great as Bender and so-not-great in everything else? The simple answer is Hughes. "DON"T YOU....FORGET ABOUT ME". Don't worry, we won't.

3. "Home Alone"(1990) The earth-shattering success of the year's highest grosser was the beginning of the end for the prolific creator. Hughes knew that Macauley Culkin was special on the set of "Uncle Buck", and never HAD to work again after this film's historic box office performance. What more needs to be said about a movie that everyone in the civilized world has seen multiple times? That John Williams score is such an underrated ingredient, Chris Columbus is a family film master, Catherine O'Hara could have been nominated, and Kevin McCallister's Dad(John Heard) must have been some kind of criminal. That house is huge. So is "Home Alone". It's 103 minutes of pure bliss.

2. "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"(1986) "BUELLER...BUELLER". Matthew Broderick was immortalized as the towering truant that can't be confined to a classroom or any other place with authority figures in the most epic teen movie ever made. I saw this movie when I was six and immediately got it. Hughes understands the rebellious nature of young people at a molecular level, and his beloved Chicago is captured as beautifully as Mia Sara's Sloane. A college-set sequel was mooted, but thankfully, thrown out the window with Cameron's father's Ferrari. Do me and Ferris a favor, and call in sick tomorrow. I shouldn't have to tell you that life moves pretty fast.

1. "Planes, Trains & Automobiles"(1987) How do you pick a #1? You can't, but I give the slight edge to Steve Martin and John Candy's endlessly-enjoyable trip two days before Thankgiving. I'm at a point where I think about this movie as much as turkey and gravy and mashed potatoes in late-November and it's as good as anything sitting on your plate that day. Three titanic comic talents got together and gave us something that I'm certain will still be around in another 30-40 years. If only Candy had lived long enough to see the staying power of his cheerful nomad Del Griffith. His perm and his bathroom habits and his heartbreaking monologue are as potent as ever. A 4K Blu-ray release in 2022 contained over an hour of deleted and extended footage from Hughes' personal archives.