- This post will recap the most colossal misfires of the last decade. It's not even a matter of opinion that these films failed and failed miserably. Many movies are released in any given year that vanish without a trace and are quickly forgotten. But the memory of some of these movies linger in the public subconsciousness and will haunt everyone involved for the rest of their days. Careers were ended, reputations were shattered, and hundreds of millions of dollars were blown on ideas that should have never seen the light of day. These are the biggest bombs from 2000-09.
"Battlefield Earth"(2000)
John Travolta gave up his post- "Pulp Fiction" cool and a significant amount of his credibility when he made good on his promise to Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard to bring his sci-fi novel to the big screen. He had a hard time getting studio executives interested in the idea until he agreed to contribute millions of dollars of his own money to the production. It's rumored that even Tom Cruise warned JT that the film was a bad idea. But Travolta wholeheartedly believed in his pet project, envisioning merchandise and sequels and telling the press it was gonna be "better than Star Wars". He seemed totally oblivious to the ugly costumes/make-up, thoroughly silly plot, piss poor special effects, hammy acting, and atrocious dialogue. A rectal exam is more fun than sitting through this movie. So is rolling around in garbage. Both require a long, hot shower afterwards. It was voted the 'Worst Movie of the Century' according to the Razzies. Considering the thousands of films that have been released in the last twelve years, that is ONE dubious distinction. Travolta stands behind the film- "It lives on. We broke new ground". Sadly, he's right.
"Town & Country"(2001)
The biggest flop that you're blissfully unaware of, this seemingly modest adult relationship comedy had a budget that ballooned close to $100 million. How on Earth did this 'small scale' production literally turn into one of the largest fiascos in all of motion pictures? Well, when the film was coming together in the late '90s, stars Warren Beatty, Goldie Hawn, and Diane Keaton were still commanding big salaries. Multiple rewrites to the lackluster script and onset tantrums(Beatty demanded a ridiculous number of takes) led to this movie taking ONE FULL YEAR to shoot. That's completely unheard of. With no money left for advertising, this lukewarm affair took in a meager $6.7 million at the box office when it was quietly dropped in theaters. Beatty and Hawn retired from acting shortly thereafter. I'm not sure they had a choice in the matter.
"Rollerball"(2002)
The 1975 original starred James Caan and was a cult classic that seemed perfectly suitable for an update. This action oriented remake was originally scheduled for a summer 2001 opening, but the release date got pushed back FOUR times. Not a good sign at all. The studio needed time to change the rating from R to PG-13 to make it more kid friendly, but ultimately killed what little appeal it may have had. How did audiences resist the C-list cast of Chris Klein of "American Pie" fame, LL Cool J, and Rebecca Romijn Stamos? Were there no real actors available? If this had been a hit, Klein's career would have been taken to the next level. The opposite happened and Klein found out, much to his chagrin, that there was no level below the level that he was at. The film was badly executed and utterly forgettable in every way. It was the third strike for "Die Hard" director John McTiernan- he had previously stumbled on "Last Action Hero" and "The 13th Warrior".
"The Adventures of Pluto Nash"(2002)Eddie Murphy is an anomaly. Despite a staggering amount of flops, he somehow remained a major star that still got paid his desired salary to headline films. Movies like "Showtime", I Spy", "Daddy Day Care", The Haunted Mansion", "Norbit", "Meet Dave", and "Imagine That" should have spelled the end, but one flop stands out above(or below) all others in the one-time king of comedy's '00s shit pile. This wildly ill-conceived outer space romp grossed $7 million in the summer of 2002 on a budget of $100 million. I'd love to have seen the reactions of all the suits at Warner Bros on the morning those numbers came in. Director Nick Underwood("City Slickers") surely rues the day he met Murphy and was forced to retreat to television to try and salvage his career. Murphy claims to know two or three people that liked the movie. Family members don't count, Eddie.
"Gigli"(2003)
Who could forget the pop culture phenomenon known as 'Bennifer'. Tabloids, entertainment shows and music videos reminded us on a daily basis of how in love they were. The movie that brought them together is not as bad as it's reputation suggests, but it is far, FAR from good. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are probably the least plausible gangsters in movie history, there's a very stupid plot involving the kidnapping of a judge's retarded son and I'm positive Al Pacino and Christopher Walken didn't read the script before they showed up to deliver their bizarre extended cameos. The title is terrible, too. Still, this movie's failure shouldn't have been that big a deal. Bad movies come out and don't do well all the time, right? The difference is that Affleck and Lopez spent the previous twelve months rubbing the unbelievable awesomeness of their lives in the face of every person in the civilized world and when this movie tanked, the public arguably responded to the news with as much jubilation as they did on the day Saddam Hussein was captured. Ben and Jen broke up six months later and resumed their careers with some newfound humility. Director Martin Brest("Beverly Hills Cop") hasn't worked since.
"The Alamo"(2004)
Remember "The Alamo"? Don't feel bad, nobody else does either. Ron Howard and Russell Crowe dodged a bullet when they passed on one of the costliest flops in history(Howard got grazed though, he stayed on as a producer). Dennis Quaid, Jason Patrick, and Billy Bob Thornton sloughed through this staid Oscar bait. The depiction of the Texas Revolution is said to be historically accurate. That hardly matters when the results are this boring. The film got steamrolled by "The Passion of the Christ" at the spring '04 box office, collecting a mere $22 million on a budget of $95 million.
"Catwoman"(2004)
After Michelle Pfeiffer stole the show in Tim Burton's "Batman Returns", there was talk of a Catwoman movie. But Pfeiffer and Burton lost interest in the project after getting a look at the lousy script for the fatal feline's solo outing and moved on. That same script was removed from a dusty shelf at Warner Bros ten years later and given the green light with newly crowned Oscar winner Halle Berry in the lead role. The result was quite possibly the most reviled film in the comic book film genre and a stain on the legacy of an iconic character. French director Pitof was the definition of a hack and Sharon Stone, no stranger to stinkers, adds nothing as the villain. But a good natured Berry actually showed up to accept her Razzie that year for Worst Actress and delivered a speech more memorable than anything that happened in the film- "I'd like to thank Warner Bros for casting me in this godawful, piece of shit movie. It was just what my career needed".
"Stealth"(2005)
Moviegoers didn't feel the need for speed in the movie that Roger Ebert described as a, "dumbed down ripoff of Top Gun". Considering the 1980s Tom Cruise blockbuster wasn't exactly thought-provoking stuff either, I don't know what that says about "Stealth" other than Jamie Foxx couldn't have wanted this to be his first post-Oscar project(Jessica Biel and Josh Lucas seemed right at home though). With a gross of $35 million on a budget of $135 million, they all went down in flames.
"Sahara"(2005)
It's easy to pick on Mathew McConaughey. The once promising actor took a break from lame romantic comedies to star in this equally lame adventure flick that was originally intended to be the start of an Indiana Jones-style franchise. That plan was abandoned rather quickly. The film actually opened at number one in the summer of '05 and took in a total of $120 million worldwide. That's a very respectable haul by most standards. The problem is that the production and marketing costs came to $240 million. A lengthy court battle, documented by the LA Times, ensued involving the producers in an attempt to figure out how the budget got so out of control. Apparently laws may have been broken during the shoot in Morocco. This film was a crime in more ways than one. And what the hell happened to Steve Zahn?
"The Invasion"(2007)
I don't understand how Nicole Kidman remains so highly regarded. Sure, she got the decade off to a strong start with unlikely hits like "Moulin Rouge" and "The Others" and picked up an Oscar for "The Hours". But then she made "The Human Stain", "The Stepford Wives", "Birth", "Bewitched", "The Interpreter", "The Golden Compass" and "Australia". She also squeezed this nonsensical sci-fi thriller into her long losing streak. Another needless remake of 1956's "Invasion of the Body Snatchers", it was the first and last Hollywood feature for Dutch director Oliver Hirschbeigel(he was fired before even completing the film) and grossed $15 million on a budget of $80 million. If Kidman is the 'Actress of the Decade', then I'm Mr. Olympia.
More mega flops
"Supernova"(2000)
"Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within"(2001)
"Hart's War"(2002)
"Windtalkers"(2002)
"K19: The Widowmaker"(2002)
"Timeline"(2003)
"Alexander"(2004)
"Speed Racer"(2008)
"The Spirit"(2008)
"Land of the Lost"(2009)
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