R.I.P. Neil Simon 1927-2018

   Legendary playwright Neil Simon left our mortal coil last night at age 91. One of the greatest comedy writers of the 20th Century, Simon is a big part of the reason why I hate most of what passes for humor in the last twenty years. The level of talent and warmth that this man possessed seems to be absent from too many modern productions. The three-time Tony winner was such a towering presence on the NYC stage in the '60s and '70s, that his contributions to film are often overlooked. "The Odd Couple" has only been around for over five decades, and the universality of Felix and Oscar should keep them bickering on stage, screen or television for five more. "The Sunshine Boys" are not far behind, as Walter Matthau(we miss him, too) emerged as his cinematic avatar. Jack Lemmon, Jane Fonda, Charles Grodin, George Burns, Richard Dreyfuss, Marsha Mason and Mathew Broderick also benefitted immensely, as did we, from his domesticated dialogue and heartfelt hilarity.

Complete filmography(26 films, screenplays only)

"After the Fox"(1966)
"Barefoot in the Park"(1967)
"The Odd Couple"(1968)
"Sweet Charity"(1969)
"The Out-of-Towners"(1970)
"Plaza Suite"(1971)
"Last of the Red Hot Lovers"(1972)
"The Heartbreak Kid"(1972)
"The Prisoner of Second Avenue"(1975)
"The Sunshine Boys"(1975)
"Murder by Death"(1976)
"The Goodbye Girl"(1977)
"The Cheap Detective"(1978)
"California Suite"(1978)
"Chapter Two"(1979)
"Seems Like Old Times"(1980)
"Only When I Laugh"(1981)
"I Ought to Be in Pictures"(1982)
"Max Dugan Returns"(1983)
"The Lonely Guy"(1984)
"The Slugger's Wife"(1985)
"Brighton Beach Memoirs"(1986)
"Biloxi Blues"(1988)
"The Marrying Man"(1991)
"Lost in Yonkers"(1993)
"The Odd Couple II"(1998)

A Critical Reevaluation- Gigli

   Fifteen years ago this month, "the worst movie of all time" nearly removed Ben Affleck from the A-list and Jennifer Lopez from every tabloid magazine cover. It's resounding failure became known to people that don't even pay attention to box office and bad reviews. You know I'm talking about that 2003 train wreck known as "Gigli". This movie has been criticized more than the Iraq War, and time hasn't been any kinder to Martin Brest's ill-conceived romantic comedy. I'm here to pose a question that hasn't been uttered out loud since Roger Ebert's two-and-a-half star assessment- is "Gigli" REALLY THAT bad? In my opinion, the answer is no. If you were alive the year Affleck played Daredevil and caressed Lopez's butt on a boat, then you know that Bennifer had it coming. We didn't hate the movie(most never even saw it) as much as we hated the media rubbing the unbelievable awesomeness of their lives in our faces for twelve months straight. The backlash led to their real-life break-up about six months later, and gossip-lovers would soon turn their attention to Brad and Angelina instead. The public responded to the split with as much jubilation as Saddam Hussein's capture, and Ben and Jen resumed their careers with some newfound humility. Join me as I explain why "Gigli" should have a(slightly) better reputation than it does. I'm positive that I'm the only person that's ever done this.

   "Just Married". "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days". "Boat Trip". "2 Fast 2 Furious". "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle". "Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd". "Hollywood Homicide". "From Justin to Kelly". "Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde". "The League of Extraordinary Gentleman". "Bad Boys II". "My Boss's Daughter". "Duplex". "Cold Creek Manor". "Party Monster". "Underworld". "Gothika". "In the Cut". "Paycheck".  All 2003 movies, ALL as bad if not worse than "Gigli". I'll take J Lo's yoga-mat monologue over this putrid pack. It's hard to believe now that Jenny from the Block was once a respected actress. That ended forever thanks to "Gigli", even though it's actually a step above "The Wedding Planner", "Angel Eyes" and "Enough". The most famous woman on the planet during Bush's first term, ultimately chose unchallenging roles and pop music fame over the more substantial fare that looked to be in her future after "Selena" and "Out of Sight". Oh, well.

Have you seen this man?

   The worst thing to come out of this film was the demise of the career of director Martin Brest. If you don't know the name, you should, because he's the man behind stone-cold '80s classics "Beverly Hills Cop" and "Midnight Run". Somebody had to take the fall, and it wasn't going to be the photogenic pair that sold a million tabloids. Talk about bad luck. The reclusive Brest couldn't have possibly predicted this Bill Buckner-style outcome, and hasn't worked, or even been heard from, in the entertainment business since 2003, a highly unusual situation given his prior success(he also directed Pacino's Oscar-winning role in "Scent of a Woman"). That's tragic, in my mind.

   I'm certainly not trying to argue that "Gigli" is a good movie, it's problems are plain for all to see- Affleck's exaggerated machismo, a retarded kidnap victim, Lopez's lesbian gangster(?). When an oddball Chris Walken cameo and a shouty murderous Pacino make no difference at all, you're in big trouble. But in the deep recesses of dreadful cinema, it's just lazy to single this one out for scorn and derision. It's like tackling somebody on the football field when three of your teammates are already piled on top of him. It's like being the 400th Harvey Weinstein accuser. We get it. "Gigli" sucks. "Battlefield Earth" and "Freddy Got Fingered" are 2000s turds that deserve your hate more than Ben and Jen(they've BOTH done worse btw). This much talent, however misplaced, is never a total loss. There's an acceptable product in here somewhere, and if Brest had extracted some of the dumber elements and hadn't been faced with the Bennifer feeding frenzy, some other movie would have taken it's place as a late-night punchline. This was a perfect storm of overexposed stars and a vulnerable writer-director in need of a better title. Now, I'm begging you to go find a better(I mean, worse) movie to pick on. Every year, you have a plethora of choices.