50. Bennett- "Commando"(1985)
I don't hate Bennett, and unlike the vast majority of the movies that appear on this list, "Commando" is really entertaining. This guy was seriously overmatched, though. He fancies himself the equal of Schwarzenegger's unstoppable, one-man wrecking crew Col. John Matrix, which makes him pretty deluded as well. Vernon Wells looks like your out-of-shape uncle in a chainmail vest. After watching the Austrian Oak effortlessly mow down approximately 300 people in the preceding 90 minutes, Bennett's demise in the mano-a-mano climax was as easy to predict as one of Hulk Hogan's WWF title defenses. He throws away his gun and his only chance at victory only to get a pipe through the chest and one of Arnie's appropriately dismissive one-liners.
49. Zeus- "No Holds Barred"(1989)
Since I already mentioned Hulk Hogan, it seems like the perfect time to briefly delve into his mercifully short-lived movie career. A fun cameo in "Rocky III" led Tinsel-town suits to mistakenly think that the Hulkster could carry his own movie, and I don't have to tell you what happened next. To say that his grunting rival Zeus is one-dimensional would be an understatement, and it's slightly amazing that Tom 'Tiny' Lister managed to scrounge up more film work after this sweaty debacle.
48. Switchblade Sam- "Dennis the Menace"(1993)
It pains me to put Christopher Lloyd on here. He's one of the greatest character actors of all time and his roles as Doc Brown and Rev Jim Ignatowski are endlessly enjoyable, but his post-BTTF popularity did lead to a few dodgy choices that were presumably made for monetary reasons(I hope his check for "Suburban Commando" had a lot of zeroes on it) and this grimy burglar was definitely one of them. He's basically an ugly rip-off of Harry and Marv, the dimwitted duo from the first two "Home Alone" flicks, and is disposed of in similar fashion by Macaulay Culkin look-alike Mason Gamble. Lloyd's talent(and summertime audiences) deserved better.
47. Michael Jennings- "On Deadly Ground"(1994)
Michael Caine described his celluloid rough patch better than I ever could in a recent interview- "I got so desperate for work that I did a movie in Alaska with Steven Seagal. It was called On Deadly Ground and the title proved apt".
46. Dr. Helena Kinder- "Baby Geniuses"(1999)
It was difficult to watch Kathleen Turner plummet from her heights as a 1980s breathy beauty in hits like "Body Heat" and "Romancing the Stone" all the way down to this bottom-of-this-barrel kiddie flick. Her role as a scheming scientist who adopts babies and holds them in a research facility may have paid the rent but this was still a cruel fate for to the voice of Jessica Rabbit and yes, that's Christopher Lloyd slumming again(sigh).
45. Goldwaith Higgenson Dorr- "The Ladykillers"(2004)
If you take one thing away from this blog, it's that bad villains happen to even the best actors. For the longest time it seemed that Tom Hanks could do no wrong as he regularly headlined Academy Award-worthy blockbusters until his winning streak came to it's inevitable end in the Coen brothers' ill-conceived remake. His mastermind of a casino heist was a commendable attempt to try something different, but this broad Southern parody wasn't the way to go about it. He employs Marlon Wayans, so he's nowhere near as smart as he thinks he is. If Hanks ever gets the urge again to play a heel onscreen, here's hoping it's in a good movie.
44. Starkman- "Gigli"(2003)
Al Pacino's chatty mob boss is only in one scene near the end of the infamous flick that united Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, but it's a long scene and a really bad one. Of course, you could argue that there was no way to create a great antagonist when our protagonists are this unlikable. I used to think there was no way Al read the script before showing up to chastise the insanely overexposed duo with a nonsensical monologue before shooting one of his underlings dead. Then I saw his subsequent work and wondered if senility had crept up on the man who once lit up the screen as Michael Corleone and Tony Montana. Eventually, J-Lo just talks her way out of there. Too bad most of the audience had left already.
43. Mitch Hiller- "Enough"(2002)
This may seem like I'm picking on J-Lo, but...ok, I am picking on J-Lo. She tried to turn herself into the Puerto-Rican version of Julia Roberts by ripping off "Sleeping with the Enemy" in this absurd thriller. There's not much of a build-up in the transformation of Billy Campbell from nice-guy husband into an abusive, cartoonishly cold-hearted monster with all sorts of unsavory connections. But, what do you expect from a movie with a main character named Slim who goes from helpless waitress to lean, mean fighting machine in the span of about five minutes? And this is supposed to be a drama.
42. Lisa Sheridan- "Obsessed"(2009)
Speaking of piss poor thrillers that shamelessly ape other, BETTER movies, I give you this painfully generic should-have-been-a-Lifetime movie. Ali Larter is no Glenn Close as evidenced by her utter lack of subtly or nuance(the last 10 minutes aside, the events in "Fatal Attraction" unfold in a fairly realistic manner). This aggressive man-eater repeatedly throws herself at Idris Elba which wouldn't make her a villain at all in most men's eyes, but this guy's got Beyonce Knowles waiting at home. The bitch never stood a chance.
41. Galbatorix- "Eragon"(2006)
John Malkovich has long been one of the industry's go-to guys for diabolical acts, but he should have passed on the sinister king in this derivative "Star Wars" knockoff. It seems that we only really see the master thespian in front of the camera these days for easy cash-grab parts like this one and that's a crying shame.
40. Profion- "Dungeons and Dragons"(2000)
Speaking of shame, I might as well get this other "Star Wars" wannabe out of the way in which Oscar winner Jeremy Irons was enlisted to balance out a clueless young cast only to sadly find himself typecast into oblivion.
39. Uber-Morlock- "The Time Machine"(2002)
See what I mean?
38. Drake/Dracula- "Blade: Trinity"(2004)
Cinema's most celebrated vampire has had some good representations onscreen. This wasn't one of them.
37. Blackheart- "Ghost Rider"(2007)
Wes Bentley was more compelling when he was staring intently at that plastic bag in "American Beauty" than at any moment in Nicolas Cage's best-forgotten stint in the superhero film business. The fact that he bares a strikingly comical resemblance to Robert Pattinson of "Twilight" fame only further diluted the already miniscule impact the demonic son of Satan made upon this rare Marvel flop's release.
36. Bullseye- "Daredevil"(2003)
Speaking of Marvel flops, I give you Colin Farrell as the arch-nemesis of Ben Affleck's blind superhero Matt Murdock. As you can see, comic book movies are a consistent presence on this list. It's bad news for all involved when one of these would-be blockbusters doesn't bring in it's projected earnings on opening weekend. Farrell's silent assassin is hardly the only thing wrong here, but the Irish hunk and future star of "Phone Booth", "Alexander" and "Miami Vice" didn't need another cross to bear.
35. Dr. Doom- "Fantastic Four", "Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer"(2005, 2007)
As long as we're kicking Marvel around, a metallic mask and green cloak wasn't enough for Julian McMahon's billionaire entrepreneur to make an impression with, despite battling the super-powered quintet in TWO films.
34. David Allen Griffin- "The Watcher"(2000)
Keanu Reeves made an unsuccessful attempt to expand his horizons as a serial killer in this flat suspense thriller. Hey, you just starred in "The Matrix", why not stretch a little, right? The ever-affable Reeves isn't even scary when he's trying to kidnap and kill women, while the normally creepy James Spader was cast as the good guy in a calculated ploy to throw off audiences' expectations. This would be higher on the list if anybody even knew that this movie exists.
33. Maximillian- "Vampire in Brooklyn"(1995)
Angela Bassett wasn't the only one sent running and screaming from Eddie Murphy's strange turn as a seductive bloodsucker in this ill-fated Wes Craven horror comedy. His tired shtick was usually enough to keep viewers away, but here he's sporting an off-putting combo of long hair and fangs, too. The ever-resilient Murphy survived and this flick's dismal performance in theaters was hardly the first or last time the public tried driving a stake through his heart.
32. Top Dollar- "The Crow"(1994)
One thing struck me the last time I watched the film that enshrined Brandon Lee. It's really not very good at all. A big reason for that is the main heavy responsible for killing Eric Draven and his fiancé Shelley. He doesn't score any points for that deep, raspy voice. He just comes off as a fourth rate rock star with a bad cold. The dude sleeps with his sister and bosses around his stock henchmen until his eventual showdown with Lee and his cool face paint. Top Dollar end up on bottom, literally and figuratively, when he's impaled by a gargoyle.
31. Rome- "The Marine"(2006)
It's very likely that the only people that took the time to watch this derivative action yarn from WWE Films were wrestling fans that only wanted to see their hulking hero John Cena tear through cardboard cutouts of bad guys like the bastard son of Sly and Arnold, but Robert Patrick and his irritating henchmen inexplicably get more screen time than the champ. Patrick's dull diamond store robber/kidnapper failed to make this mindless exercise watchable for the uninitiated, which means Vince McMahon wasted his money trying to dress it up with at least one recognizable and respected actor.
30. The Mandarin- "Iron Man 3"(2013)
Iron Man's villains are boring. Somebody had to say it. I could've put Jeff Bridges or Mickey Rourke on this list and nobody would have blinked, but what they did, or should I say DIDN'T do with Ben Kingsley bothered me even more. I'll go ahead and spoil the twist because everyone that wanted to see the movie already did- this chilling terrorist leader is just an actor, a decoy and Guy Pearce's evil scientist is the real heavy. Yawn.
29. Rebecca Carlson- "Body of Evidence"(1993)
Only a masochist would endure Madonna's erotic abomination to get to the obvious reveal that she DID intend to cause her old, rich boyfriend's fatal heart attack during a frenzied bout of rough sex.
28. Cain- "Robocop 2"(1990)
With one unavoidable exception, I'm trying to limit this to one villain per franchise, so that crap Japanese cyborg in "Robocop 3" is getting spared. Clarence Boddiker's goons in the original are more fondly remembered than this grungy drug pusher whose gang includes a foul-mouthed twelve year old. After being badly injured in a car crash, Cain's brain is placed inside an even bigger OCP robot to duke it out with Murphy for the thoroughly anti-climactic conclusion.
27. Serleena- "Men In Black II"(2002)
Here's another case of a sequel to a good film getting totally botched. The makers of "MIB" had infinite possibilities when they sat down to brainstorm their follow-up to the 1997 mega-hit. They had FIVE years and what did they come up with? Lara Flynn Boyle camping it up as an alien posing as a supermodel. Johnny Knoxville's sidekick adds insult to injury. Needless to say, I didn't care that much when "Men In Black 3" came out.
26. Jason- "Friday the 13th" series- (1980, 1981, 1982, 1984, 1985, 1986, 1988, 1989, 1993, 2002, 2009)
Yeah, I know that Jason made my countdown of the greatest villains too, but anyone that's ever sat through more than one of the indestructible asshole's films knows that he deserves a spot on BOTH lists.
25. Leprechaun- "Leprechaun 1 and 2"(1993,1994)
Sorry, Warwick Davis, you're no horror icon.
24. Ivan Ooze- "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers"(1995)
Do I even have to explain this one?
23. Plants- "The Happening"(2008)
C'mon, M Night, seriously.
22. General Bison- "Street Fighter"(1994)
No disrespect meant to the late Raul Julia, but when you're final film appearance is spent locking horns with Jean Claude Van Damme in another cheap and cheesy video game-inspired travesty, you're guaranteed a spot on this list.
21. Sid 6.7- "Virtuosity"(1995)
Russell Crowe wasn't exactly an overnight sensation. Long before the Oscars and widespread acceptance that accompanied "Gladiator", he got off to a rocky start hamming it up as a virtual reality villain pitted against Denzel Washington's futuristic cop in the kind of lackluster sci-fi action vehicle that a pair of lesser actors wouldn't have come back from. They would later meet up again in a project worthy of them("American Gangster"), but Crowe was lucky nobody saw this one.
20. The Violator- "Spawn"(1997)
John Leguizamo is a candidate for any 'worst' list. His spotty resume wasn't helped by this demonic clown during that lean post-"Batman & Robin", pre-"X-Men" phase when it didn't look like comic-to-film adaptations would ever be able get their act together again. In eight years, we went from Jack Nicholson's Joker to THIS?!
19. Laurel Hedare- "Catwoman"(2004)
Female villains are tough. Sharon Stone certainly pulled it off with her star-making turn in "Basic Instinct". Twelve years later, her role as a former model selling damaging skin cream found the aging sex symbol desperately trying to reignite her dying career. Leave it to Halle Berry in a shoddy Cat-suit to deliver another crippling blow. In fairness though, it's not like Meryl Streep could have done anything with what's been accurately called the worst comic book movie ever made.
18. Madison Lee- "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle"(2003)
Demi Moore looked like she was being handed a comeback when she landed the role of the evil former angel opposite Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, and Lucy Liu. It was not to be. The one-time marquee leading lady was much more interested in showing off her bodacious body than creating a memorable character, but it's not like director McG or anyone else on the set was taking the film seriously, so maybe Demi had the right idea.
17. John Geiger- "Speed 2: Cruise Control"(1997)
You know the movie your watching sucks when one of Hollywood's most reliable psycho actors can't liven things up. Look at Willem Dafoe's evil face. It's powerless in the face of Jason Patrick's unrivaled blandness and Sandra Bullock's cloying cutesy act on a slow-moving cruise ship in the sequel to a movie called SPEED! On a positive note, Dafoe got to do "Spider-Man", making it ironic that he was able to bounce back better than his predecessor directly below.
16. Deacon- "Waterworld"(1995)
We have "Blue Velvet"' to blame for Dennis Hopper's presence on this list. He just got too comfortable playing deranged lunatics. Sometimes it works out("Speed") and other times you need to fire your agent. Dennis is way over the top(not in a good way) and even takes out his own eye, but the movie that redefined the word 'flop' just seemed doomed from the start. Hollywood gave Kevin Costner a few more chances(in which he promptly dug an even bigger hole for himself), but somebody had to pay the price for this waterlogged fiasco and Hopper rarely appeared in another big studio film.
15. Kogo Shuko- "Double Dragon"(1994)
One unfortunate byproduct of "T2"'s success is that Robert Patrick was subsequently tapped to play a lot of villains. It's the Dennis Hopper syndrome. The problem is that the film itself, more often than not, is shit. That was certainly the case with this dire video game adaptation that featured Patrick as a blonde gang leader. Maybe the T-100 was a fluke.
14. Reeve Alvin Valkenheiser- "Nothing But Trouble"(1991)
I'm still scarred mentally and emotionally after watching Dan Aykroyd as a grotesque 106-year old judge presiding over a large mansion/courthouse/amusement-park style torture chamber in his horrifically unfunny directorial debut masquerading as a comedy. He's unrecognizable buried under tons of old age makeup and this vile character isn't amusing in the slightest. Danny also plays a member of the judge's inbred hick family. You've been sufficiently warned.
13. Seleena- "Supergirl"(1984)
Faye Dunaway was once a highly respected and sought-after actress. But that was before she was banished into a vortex by a caped Helen Slater. This is how you go from "Chinatown" to "Dunston Checks In".
12. Two Face- "Batman Forever"(1995)
There was a period where Tommy Lee Jones was making a ridiculous amount of movies(he was just too damn good in "The Fugitive"). He was asked by Warner Bros to squeeze Harvey Dent into his busy schedule even though he was completely wrong for the part. It's clear that TLJ never picked up a graphic novel in his life as he awkwardly clowns around next to Jim Carrey's Riddler(not much better) in a contest to see who could go more annoyingly OTT. The audience loses, but at least Chris Nolan and Aaron Eckhardt gave us a proper rendition of Gotham's tragic DA in "The Dark Knight".
11. Poison Ivy- "Batman & Robin"(1997)
I didn't want an overabundance of Bat villains on this list, but there was no way I could give Uma Thurman a pass and maintain a clear conscience. 'Campy' is not a strong enough word to describe what she does here. Considering that she also headlined the next movie on our countdown, I can't help but wonder what we would all think of Uma if Tarantino hadn't been so enamored with her.
10. Sir August De Wynter- "The Avengers"(1998)
Yes, long before the Marvel Comics box office bonanza, there was ANOTHER movie called "The Avengers" and it was absolutely terrible. Sean Connery's mad scientist is bent on controlling the weather- a rather underwhelming plan for a super-villain. Everyone's favorite 007 looks hopelessly lost through much of the proceedings and had to have been mulling retirement after presiding over a meeting with a room full of teddy bears(that's right). His demise at the hands of Ralph Fiennes in that rain-soaked duel couldn't have come soon enough.
9. "Gabriel- "Live Free Or Die Hard"(2007)
No offense to Timothy Olyphant, but his cyber terrorist was quite a step down from the Gruber brothers and those rogue Special Forces guys from "Die Hard 2". He presses a button and eliminates John McClane's 401K. How badass. His threats are pathetic and weak and he never makes us believe that Bruce Willis' iconic cop is any real danger. McClane even nonchalantly tells Gabriel over the phone that he's afraid of him. I guess director Len Wiseman didn't get the memo that your movie's in trouble when the hero's daughter looks like she could throw the lead villain a beating.
8. Venom- "Spider-Man 3"(2007)
This has been the source of much discussion among comic book geeks, but I still don't get why Sam Raimi called the guy from "That '70s Show" to play one of Spidey's coolest villains. Was Ashton Kutcher too busy? Eddie Brock is twice the size of Peter Parker in the comics which made Topher Grace(I'll bet you already forgot his name) one of the least qualified guys in showbiz for the role. He's no more menacing than the kid that wrote for your high school newspaper and if I didn't know better, I'd think Raimi was purposely trying to get himself booted from the mega-franchise(he succeeded).
7. Irina Spalko- "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"(2008)
Let me start by saying that Cate Blanchett is a great actress. She has an Oscar to prove it. Who would have thought her only career blemish would come from taking part in one of the most beloved film series in history? She really can't be blamed for accepting what must have seemed at first glance like a 'dream' role. But when Spielberg and Lucas weren't having her recite stilted dialogue in a thick Russian accent, they had her fencing with Shia LaBeouf on top of moving vehicles, facing down aliens in the head-scratching climax, and basically helping tarnish the childhood memories of an entire generation of moviegoers.
6. King Koopa- "Super Mario Bros."(1993)
My research has made two things very clear- having more than one appearance on this list is a career-killing situation and turning video games into movies is a really bad idea. "SMB" is the first AND worst example of this horrific trend and it's hard to believe that Dennis Hopper was flanked by 8 foot Goombas as the Nintendo lizard king the same year as his legendary sit-down with Christopher Walken in "True Romance". A career filled with ups and downs if I ever saw one, but everyone involved in this wretched production right down to the catering crew has a reason to be embarrassed.
5. The Octopus- "The Spirit"(2008)
This is getting depressing. Most of Samuel L. Jackson's post-2000 filmography positively reeks as he traded critical respect for every potentially lucrative franchise opportunity he could find, yet this torturous Frank Miller fantasy still sticks out like a sore thumb. Jackson and sidekick Scarlett Johannson(earning a dishonorable mention) dress up like Nazis in one bafflingly protracted sequence that sums up the whole sorry affair.
4. Fearless Leader- "The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle"(2000)
Ahh, Robert De Niro. He'd be the most revered actor in the world today if we could erase most of what's he's done since the late '90s. This unforgivable big screen version of the '60s animated series(that he also produced) has often been cited as the most glaring and offensive output of the two-time Oscar winner's sellout years. It's easy to see why Scorsese hasn't bothered with him in the 21st century after he spoofed his "Taxi Driver" mirror scene in a moment that flew right over the heads of this film's intended audience, while every other unfortunate viewer was busy throwing up.
3. Nuclear Man- "Superman IV: The Quest For Peace"(1987)
Some of these are just no-brainers. The Superman franchise has finally rebounded in Zach Snyder's "Man of Steel" and I'm sure poor Mark Pillow has taken enough abuse in the last 25+ years for his only film appearance, so I'll keep this short and sweet. "Superman IV" is an unmitigated disaster thanks largely to Lex Luthor's mulleted, spandex-wearing buffoon, but I'm sure Pillow breathed a small sigh of relief when this next guy came along and took some of the heat off(no pun intended).
2. Mr. Freeze- "Batman & Robin"(1997)
June 20, 1997. That's the exact date Arnold Schwarzenegger stopped being 'cool'(pun intended). It's unlikely that Dr. Victor Fries will ever get another shot at glory after the wildly off-the-mark interpretation of the seven-time Mr. Olympia. The world's biggest action star slid into irrelevance for a few years after being strapped into a huge glowing monstrosity and handed a book of winter-related puns instead of a script. He had to muscle his way into the California governorship to get back into the limelight- that's how dramatic and far-reaching the effects of this franchise-killing catastrophe were and we simply cannot lay ALL the blame squarely on Joel Schumacher.
1. Terl- "Battlefield Earth"(2000)
I'd like to thank you and congratulate you for coming this far. You've endured a barrage of villainy ranging from subpar to downright excruciating, but none worse than the aggressive awfulness of my number one pick. Six years after "Pulp Fiction", John Travolta took all that renewed respect and goodwill and flushed it down the toilet in his Scientology passion project(it was written by L. Ron Hubbard). The Razzies voted it the worst movie of the century. JT is a dreadlocked alien tyrant named Terl. His hideous appearance is only matched by lines like "Exterminate all man-animals at will and happy hunting!". And just like that, the man that tore up the dance floor in "Saturday Night Fever" was once again removed from the A-list. He has yet to return. It didn't have to be this way, John. Thanks for the memories.
